THE BLOG

Maybe Just One

11/20/2012 04:35 pm ET | Updated Jan 20, 2013
James Ransom

Oh, thanks for offering, but no, I can't. I'm really trying to be careful about what I eat during the holidays, and I know that wouldn't do my waistline any favors!

Well, if you insist, I suppose I could try just one little bite. Just to get a sense of the flavor. After all, you worked so hard to pick up this supermarket dessert-assortment tray; it would be rude to refuse the entire thing out of hand.

Just cut me off the tiniest little corner of that one, on the left, with the icing. Just a taste will do me good -- it will satisfy the sugar cravings without derailing anything, you know? They always say "everything in moderation," and there's some real wisdom there. Completely denying myself is just going to make me feel deprived, and then I'm liable to completely throw away all the hard work I've been doing for so many days, or at least hours, now, in one massive orgy of cheese-flavored choco-dipped creamy-centered satisfaction.

You don't need to make it that tiny.

A little bigger. A little more. A little... you know what, why not just give me that whole bar.

Perfect -- just a little treat to keep me from feeling left out, and to reward myself for the dieter's "job well-done" up until now. In fact, now that I think about it, it will actually keep me on track better than if I just stuck to the no-dessert-at-breakfast rule I laid down when I started this diet!

Oh, hmmmmm. Now that I taste this, it wasn't what I thought it would be. It looked like a peanut-butter filled caramel-topped brownie but... oh yeah, that's definitely cream-cheese filling I'm tasting.

I'll just have the littlest taste of that one, instead, if you don't mind. After all, they always tell you that if you're having a really specific craving, you should try to find a way to satisfy it, without busting the calorie-bank, so that you don't end up eating more than you would have otherwise in an effort to fool your mind. It's something like that. Basically, if I don't do this, my mind is going to trick me into filling up on bread, later.

Good thing I'm on a diet, otherwise I might have to call you out for being stingy with the portions!

You know, I'm just now realizing that what my craving was really for was one of those date bars in the middle. No, no need to cut off an edge. Now that I know it's what my body wants -- and after all, cravings are really just your body's way of telling you the important nutrients it's missing, like the ones found in this excellent brown-sugar crumble topping -- I may as well just have the whole thing. Then I'll be satisfied for the rest of the day, maybe even the rest of the week! Besides, these squares are very small -- that can't be more than four inches a side! Hardly worth worrying about.

In fact, did you see that study? The one that said that people who are really concerned about calorie counting actually absorb more of the calories in the foods they eat than people who aren't dieting?

I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere. Which is why I'm not even going to work out how many points this chocolate-chip cookie has -- it would just do me more harm than good! In fact, since I didn't, it's basically as though I didn't eat one at all.

So I may as well just grab another for the road.