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The Greatest Morning Show Moments in World History

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Paris, 1793:
Katie: You know, Joanie, everyone these days is talking about the overthrow of the monarchy.

Joanie: [nodding sagely] That's true, Katie. It has been the hot topic this summer -- even hotter than the fevers people have been getting with this latest bout of plague!

[They laugh chummily]

Katie: Oh, Joanie, you are a cut-up. But all joking aside, last week, Mary reported from the news desk that the former queen, Marie Antoinette, was beheaded as scheduled. Which of course will have repercussions for all of us, for years to come.

Joanie: True, Katie. And we're going to start exploring one of the most immediate of those repercussions in our next segment, "fashion trends for the post-monarchic season!"

Katie: You know, I have noticed some style updates lately.

Joanie: Indeed you have! One very popular trend this season, for example, is the use of burlap as dress material.

Katie: How innovative!

Joanie: Yes, designers are reflecting the mood of the times in clothing that is darker, more pared down, and best of all, priced for the ascendant peasant class.

Katie: And we have the look for even less! We'll tell you where to find it after the break.

Joanie: Also coming up, a look at what's new in women's hairstyles.

Katie: We'll give you a sneak-peek of one of our favorites. This messy, unwashed ponytail is being called "the revolutionary" after the circles in which it was popularized.

Joanie: And whatever else you think of her, you have to admit Marie Antoinette was fashion-forward. Rumor has it she was sporting both of these trend looks at her recent execution.

Katie: Let the guillotine eat fashion-plate! Am I right Joanie?

[They laugh chummily again]

Joanie: We'll be back after the break with more new looks for this fall of the monarchy. And make sure to stay tuned later in the show, when we chat with rising political star Max Robespierre about his softer side... and his brand new puppy!

Saint Petersburg, 1825:
Tania: That was Ivana at the news desk with the sad news about the bloody conclusion to yesterday's Decembrist revolt.

Natalia: Sobering stuff, Tania.

Tania: Not as sobering as not having any vodka in this mug!

[They laugh chummily]

Natalia: Oh Tania, you are too much. But seriously, the Decembrists bring to light a very important point that I think we need to address on today's show.

Tania: What's that, Natalia?

Natalia: It's December!

Tania: You're absolutely right, Natalia, it is December. Doesn't the time go fast?

Natalia: It sure does, Tania, and it's going to go even faster with all the fun craft projects we have to get your house into the winter spirit! And which royal family member has been spotted with a few extra pounds under her crown? We'll keep you filled in on all the later Tsar Tchatter in "this week in Imperial Gossip." All that and more, when we come back!

Washington, D.C., 1863:
Jenny: Rose at the news desk will have more on the Battle of Gettysburg at the top of the hour.

Hattie: You know Jenny, I feel like I'm fighting alongside those brave men right now in a battle of my own.

Jenny: Really, Hattie?

Hattie: I call it the "Battle of the Bulges." These hoop skirts cut in on a girl in all the wrong places!

[They laugh chummily]

Jenny: I declare, Hattie, you have a 'fighting' sense of humor!

Hattie: Thank you, Jenny, but being serious now, we are going to tell you about a new battlefront this morning, a battlefront that's important to every man, woman, and child in these United States.

Jenny: That's right, Hattie. Today we're going to be helping you do your part in the war... on household clutter!

Hattie: Once you've put our easy cleaning and organizing tips to use, your home will be even cleaner than a makeshift battlefield surgery site!

Jenny: And that's not all, Hattie. Later in the show, we'll be listing our favorite vacation destinations for a year where budgets, and safe travel sites, are restricted.

Hattie: For all this and so much more, stay tuned to your number one morning news program!