05/10/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Putting the Data into Dating

"'If we can be completely transparent and help demystify dating with data, maybe you will trust [Ok Cupid] to help find you a match,' Mr. Yagan said." - The New York Times

Some of that data, demystified:

* When cross-referenced with federal criminal records, it turns out that those who choose "free-spirited" as one of their three "about me" words have a 62% chance of having a felony record.

If one of the two remaining words is "mysterious," you're looking at a 57% chance of the felony being a sex offense.

* In 48% of pictures where the user is looking away, he or she is below a 4 on the 10-scale. In 28% of those pictures, the image is actually, literally, a dog. But dressed up in people clothes -- isn't that funny?

* If you laid all the users who want to date someone who lists "Magic: The Gathering" amongst his or her interests end to end, they'd stretch around Greg's mom's loveseat. Well, almost -- Greg is only 5'6".

* 73% of our users who have never been contacted, poked, winked at, viewed more than once by any single user, or, in real-life, laid, have listed their best friend as "Han Solo, but not in episode IV, in Episode V, because he is way sweeter there."

The remaining 27% of as-yet-uncontacted users are divided essentially equally between "mommy," "my little kitty-witty," "Sevanus, the demon living on my shoulder and telling me who needs to die," and "Carrot Top."

* The math whizzes here at Ok Cupid have devised a handy algorithm for your use: take an individual's height, in inches, and divide it by the fraction of his or her body that is showing in the picture to find out exactly how many pounds s/he wants to make sure you don't see.

* Some light field-research has indicated that for an estimated 89% of our "blondes," the carpet does not match the drapes.

* In pictures where men are not smiling, 64% report it is to "look cooler." In pictures where women are not smiling, 42% report it is due to "meth teeth."

For both genders, approximately 28% report that a smile would reveal more canine teeth than you'd expect, if you catch their drift.

* 98% of users who have not responded to DeREkBroSEph's "free-spirited" contact attempts have "mysteriously" received dismembered doll parts on their doorsteps.

* 76% of users who report that they are "drinkers" have woken up at least one morning in the last month without being able to find their underwear and/or in a puddle of their own sick.

59% of those who report that they are "moderate drinkers" are actually heavy drinkers. Within this group, guilt breakdowns are 34% Catholic, 29% Protestant, 20% Jewish and 17% "Sevanus disapproves of me trying to weaken his grip on my mind."

84% of those who report that they "do not drink" are no fun at all.

* As if you still needed reasons to sign up with Ok Cupid, we're a hot spot for silver-screen celebrities!

That's right, a full 36% of our most "mysterious" members have appeared on How to Catch a Predator! And dressed up in peephole clothes -- isn't that funny?