12/06/2008 11:13 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Attack Of The Killer Homos!

Gays Threaten Churchgoers! Fags Brandish Firearms! Read All About It!

Meet the latest Religious Right propaganda - Killer Homos. Because of Christian promoted antigay marriage amendments like Proposition 8 and a ban on unmarried adoption in Arkansas, gays have been protesting like the good old days when ACT-UP invaded St. Patrick's Cathedral. And Christians, violent aggressors throughout history, are suddenly Damsels in Distress screaming "victim." For people who can sometimes be so fat, they sure have thin skin.

An outfit called The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty created a full-page newspaper ad, charging the gay protests as a campaign "violence and intimidation." As evidence, they cited a grand total of one tacky prank: mysterious white powder sent to Mormon organizations. Other disgruntled Christians cite disruption of church services by drag queens and "Yes on 8" posters cleverly arranged in the form of a swastika. At least gays haven't lost their flair for decoration.

Many bloggers have indeed posted incendiary rants, much like a typical Michael Savage broadcast or Ann Coulter column. But pajama clad, caffeine jolted geeks posting anonymous harangues do not violent intimidation make. Christians in the US have not been killed for their beliefs, as gay people are almost every day somewhere in the world, often at the hands of religious fanatics. Orthodox Jews in Jerusalem stone gays in a parade. Russian Orthodox in Sacramento hit them on the head, "marking" them as sinners. Christian skinheads in Moscow attack gays with bats and knives at pride gatherings. The "God Hates Fags" funeral protesters have a busier schedule than Miley Cyrus. If gays are suddenly the aggressors, they need to bone up on their batting practice.

Talibangelical Matt Barber, of Jerry Falwell's "Liberty" Council, called the internet postings hate crimes: "This is not just a matter of some people blowing off steam...This is criminal activity...Here we have homosexuals inciting, and directly threatening, violence against Christians." And we beat grandma and kick the dog, too. Barber is more preoccupied with gays than a porn addict. He's also fat. He really needs to take up other obsessions.

In Palm Springs, a Styrofoam cross was yanked from an elderly "Yes On 8" protester, and Christians reacted like she had been raped. But the woman, no shrinking violet, was a serial protester who had attended many events, pushed her way into the front of the crowd, and caused a scene. If you ask me, she got off easy.

Yes, some overly theatrical gays have disrupted church services. But none have gone in blasting, like Christian whacko Jim Adkisson did earlier in 2008, breaking into a Tennessee church and killing two and wounding six because of his hatred of liberals and gays. This event got about 2 seconds of coverage on FOX News, while the Killer Homos scenario has been repeated ad infinitum, chiefly by traditional values advocate and alleged phone sex aficionado Bill O'Reilly.

Christians are the first to preach freedom, but only as it applies to them. The minute gays even ask politely for their rights, Christians scream like a Jewish boy being circumcised with a machete that their "freedoms" are being violated. Then an onslaught begins that's filled with more clichés than a Sarah Palin interview: Gays demand special rights for their "choice!" Gays recruit more children! Gay sex will be taught in schools! Churches will be forced to marry gays! Young boys will play "La Cage" in the basement! George Michael will loiter in YOUR restroom!

Being gay is not a choice, but being Christian is. If they are taking away my rights, with the additional privilege of being tax-exempt, why am I not allowed to protest it, like, really loudly? Are we in America or Jesusland? Since the Mormon Church encouraged its flock to donate millions to stop marriage equality, what's wrong with picketing them, even maybe -- gasp -- really annoying them? They say they only want to protect marriage, but don't believe it. They want to take away all legal recognition for same sex couples. All of it.

It's not their religious beliefs that are being protested, it's their actions. Repeat: actions, not beliefs. Their precious rights are in no way threatened, but they will lie that they are until doomsday, which can't come soon enough for many of them.

Remember Christian support of slavery? The Salem Witch Trials? The Inquisition, anyone? Religious rhetoric has created a well-documented atmosphere leading to countless acts of violence. It's time, at last, to call them on it. Gays, and their supporters, are simply heeding the words of their favorite Barbra Streisand/Donna Summer duet, "Enough Is Enough."