THE BLOG
02/27/2008 04:32 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Jimmy Kimmel Is F**king Ben Affleck, and Gays Everywhere

First, Sarah Silverman made a hilarious music video for boyfriend Jimmy Kimmel called "I'm F***ing Matt Damon." Then Kimmel countered with a response called "I'm F***ing Ben Affleck," which upped the ante and became a "We Are The World" spoof, complete with cameos by Brad Pitt, Robin Williams, Josh Groban, Cameron Diaz, Huey Lewis, and many more. Both videos became huge YouTube hits.

All the guest celebrities Kimmel gathered to sing an idiotic and obscene song is indeed a scream. And the very idea that Kimmel and Affleck are lovers is just a thigh slapping laugh riot. Everyone knows these two are as straight as John Wayne at a Texas barbecue, and most of America still thinks that two guys in love is a total joke.

Kimmel and his writers, rested from being on strike, show their rejuvenated creativity by hauling out 25-year-old flaming fag stereotypes. They know a couple of certifiably straight stars pretending to be big queens will have them rolling in the aisles. So, they open with Kimmel and Affleck in an open-air bar populated by a shirtless West Hollywood harem. They stand at a bar with a blender and glass of what looks like a strawberry daiquiri, and on the bar sits a large bowl of fruit. Get it? Fruit. Get it? They're FRUITS. Get it?

Affleck is wearing a tight green shiny spandex T-shirt, and Kimmel wears a leopard print scarf and what looks like a flesh colored body stocking displaying his prominent nipples. Then, we switch to a scene with the two on a bed wearing matching robes, and Ben is styling Jimmy's hair with a blow dryer. (Get it? Blowjob.) Then, Ben paints Jimmy's toenails. Everybody knows fags like to paint their toenails.

We then see the two facing each other in what looks like a clip from Xanadu, both wearing shiny disco wear, as they sing and move closer and closer together, almost kissing full on the mouth. As their faces move closer, the audience's laughter rises to an outraged crescendo, almost to a scream of horror. Ohmigod, are they going to actually kiss? Aaaaaah! Whew, they don't. We're safe.

Then we move to a studio to the epically stupid celebrity chorus, as we hear more censored bleeps than lyrics. The uber-serious Josh Groban is especially funny. But wait, we're not done with the funny fag stuff--we're never done with the funny fag stuff. Jimmy and Ben walk along arm in arm in their tight Ts and Daisy Duke cutoff jean shorts, then drive in their lemon colored convertible, and who pulls up next to them and blows them a kiss but Harrison Ford. Oh, my God, Han Solo is a fag! Are you just dying with laughter yet?

You know what would have been a really audacious kicker to make it a genuine comedy classic? If they had concluded with Jimmy and Ben getting the ever loving crap beaten out of them and left bleeding on the sidewalk. After all, gay bashing is in vogue around the world and several gays are either attacked or murdered in the US alone every few months, so the stereotypes might at least have been a little more 2008 rather than 1980.

Next up, let's see Jimmy to do a video where he's f**king a famous negro, running around with chitlins, watermelons and a spear, while tap dancing and singing "Shortnin' Bread." Let the hilarity begin!