TV Hosts, What the $#@! Are You Doing?

05/16/2008 10:38 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Times are hard, and our trusted TV hosts, who should know better, are becoming unglued. New York WNBC's anchor Sue Simmons, who I have watched since puberty and always seen as a paragon of professionalism, screamed "What the fuck are you doing?" in an on-air promo.

FOX News' Shepard Smith accidentally said "blow job" on the air. Bill O'Reilly revealed his evil id in an Inside Edition basement tape, screaming, "Fuck it!" Caught on audio tape and thinking he was unheard, Sean Hannity said, "You have no idea how much I hate these fucking people." Randi Rhodes referred to Hillary Clinton and Geraldine Ferraro as "fucking whores" in a stand-up in San Francisco.

Other, lesser known outbursts are occurring. ABC News' Charles Gibson, trying to sift through indecipherable notes, screamed "Cock! Suck! Mother!! Fuck!!!" He later refers to George Stephanopoulos as a "the mayor of the fucking munchkins" and to Diane Sawyer as a "gash."

During a commercial break on The View, Barbara Walters inadvertently referred to her co-hostess as "Elizabeth Hasslecunt." During a political argument, Whoopi Goldberg told Sherri Shepherd that if she didn't like it, she could "lick my taint."

Marie Osmond, after her fall on Dancing With The Stars, was heard to say upon her revival, "What the fucking fuck? Jesus H. Fucking Christ Who the fuck let me fall, goddammit? I'm Marie Fucking Osmond!"

It's even infected the White House. Condoleezza Rice, in an early 2004 off-camera outburst at President Bush, went ghetto and turned into her alter ego, "Conequa," and said, "Now listen, motherfucker, I am sick of your fuckin' shit, I been lying for you for four goddam years. Where are those goddam--lemee axe you a question--where are those goddam weapons of mass destruction? Did you find those goddam weapons of mass destruction? No, you didn't, no you didn't. Are they under your desk, motherfucker? And you've got me on every goddam TV show--Face The Nation, Meet The Press, This Mornin' with George Stephanopoulos, you know how short that motherfucker is? He's like the mayor of the fuckin' munchkins! Now lissen--you are gonna make me Secretary of State or I am outta here with Colin Powell, and I'm gonna write a book that is gonna barbeque your cracker ass! And for the last goddam time, in is nuclear, not nucular, goddammit!"

(The latter part of this piece was satire and not intended to sully the impeccable reputations of Mr. Gibson, Ms. Walters, Ms. Goldberg, Ms. Osmond, or Ms. Rice.)