Why I Feel Sorry For Larry Craig

Wait, don't get me wrong. I think it's hilarious poetic justice that a right wing lawmaker who did everything he could to trample gays under his feet was brought down for tapping said feet in an airport toilet. I wish every moralizing moron would have his or her closets so publicly yanked open. But I still feel sorry for the guy, in a we-are-the-world kind of way.

I watched some "family values" hag on TV (I've blocked out her name, lest I dream of going after her with a ball peen hammer) yammer on about how dare gay people solicit sex in bathrooms, as well as listened to the Mayor of Ft. Lauderdale lie about how an epidemic of public sex is ruining his town so you can't see the forest for the penises. These wonder how in the world gay people can lower themselves to behave in such a sordid manner. I've got a news flash for these bitches: that's the way we're taught.

From the moment they can think, straight children are taught to have boyfriends and girlfriends, to play house, to pretend their Barbies and Kens are married, and on and on, world without end, Amen. Heterosexuality is shouted from every possible rooftop, from TV to children's books to cereal boxes. Gay children are taught: nothing. Or rather, by silent suggestion or outright statement, they are taught if God forbid you must diddle with someone of the same sex, go do it somewhere we can't see it, keep it hidden, and don't dare talk about it or try to figure out who you really are. The very thought of it makes me gag, and if the neighbors find out I'll take off my belt and beat the tar out of you, boy. Finish your spinach.

Human nature has a way of crying uncle, so why the hell else do you think that some gay men lurk around in the dark? If they are unfortunate enough to be raised in a town where sexual repression is served for breakfast, what do you think they're going to do when they're lonely and frustrated and desperate for human contact? Sit home and watch Jeopardy?

Christian fascists want to have it both ways, saying, "Homosexuals live miserable lives filled with anonymous encounters and are unable to form stable monogamous relationships, and we're going to make sure it stays that way."

They also call efforts by gay people to reach out to young gays, let them know that they are actually worth something, and maybe help prevent them from resorting to hidden anonymous encounters "recruiting." News flash: gay people don't recruit, Christians do. They even go door to door, for heaven's sake. Can you imagine if gay people knocked on doors and said, "Hi, I'm Jim from Dorothy's Witnesses. Do you like Liza Minnelli? Are you interested in a lifetime of fabulous parties? Would you like to read our pamphlet, 'The Crotchtower?'"

Craig and his ilk represent a whole generation of sad closet cases who, unable to even begin to explore their gay feelings (and in Idaho, to add location to injury), are reduced to secret, furtive sexual encounters that are about as fulfilling as eating fish sticks when you're starving. I know, because I've been there. My hometown was so small the only gay bar was the men's room at the K-Mart.

So I can't help but feel sorry for the guy. Hopefully the next generation of gays from the sticks will be well adjusted enough to stay out of the shadows, avoid Craig's fate, and end all this toilet titillation for good.

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Comments

[cyberbitus]

Thanks, Jim, for cutting through the fog of fundamentalist lies and hypocrisy and telling it like it is! Keep up the good work!

[flatus]

The gay problem will evaporate once it is proven, as I think it will, that gay is not a lifestyle choice.

This assumption of choice is the glue that holds this conservative nonsense toghether. The sooner this notion is discounted the sooner we can vote on real issues of importance.

[gvincent]

I feel sorry for Larry Craig because he belongs to a party rooted in the 1950's that controls a society that does not allow him to be openly sexual with whichever sex he chooses.
http://www.crookedinc.

[Quaoar]

If he were to serve prison time and lose his pension I'd feel sorry for him. As it is, he's getting off easy. Most people will forget about him after his 15 minutes of infamy are over. He'll most likely enjoy a peaceful, uneventful retirement if he stays away from public men's rooms.

[castlerider]

I get your point. Good post. Hilarious, too.
Actually, I am so thankful for what Larry Craig has given us.. Excellent ammo to shoot at these trolls and hit 'tween the eyes of their ridiculous posts that always spin the truth away from the point that is being made.
It feels quite justified to tell them to go back to their bathroom stalls where their spin really belongs- in the toilet.

[YellerDawg]

Honey, my little town didn't even have a Kmart, and I'm about the same age as Craig. Your post is spot on, but the Roy Cohns and J. Edgar Hoovers of the world have done so much damage that you can't feel sorry for them. That kind of self-loathing is pathological. The unfortunate victims of Larry Craig's policies might be excused for their lack of sympathy for him. Repression doesn't always equal self-loathing of the Craig variety. That stilted "I ..am...not...gay....I...never...have been...gay" will live in infamy. Not every homosexual person who has found himself or herself in the well of loneliness turns that societal pressure into hatred of homosexuality. The disgust in Craig's voice as he pronounced the word "gay" was sad and frightening. No, I don't feel sorry for him.

[UncaPaul]

I suppose there is one question to ask: would the GOP been so quick to force Craig out if he had be charged with soliciting a female prostitute? David Vitter's appearance in the D.C. Madame's "Black Book" of phone numbers has produced little more than some embarrased throat clearing.

Wow -- the G.O.P.'s anti-gay agenda is genuine.

[ethanthom]

I raise my pink drink with the umbrella in it to you all.

[gobble]

I understand your point.

However, Craig is at fault because he is a total hypocrite. If he was not so busy spouting anti-gay rhetoric, and put some effort into understanding his own physical needs, he would be in a different place. And he did not have to live in Idaho. People make choices. He made the choice to stay in the closet and to over-compensate by bashing anyone else that has openly come to terms with their sexual identity.

[snaggster]

That's like saying you feel sorry for a serial killer because society made him that way. I feel no pity for him in any sense. This is a person with all kinds of advantages in life. He could have chosen a new path at any time. He was a coward and a grotesque monster that used anti-gay sentiment to consolidate Republican power.

[Qbear]

You forget the last ditch weapon of every miserable, bitter, lonely, cast-off closet case....a tell-all MEMOIR.
Every closeted member of Congress who got within 500 yards of Larry's gaydar...is in serious peril.
Those members of Congress that are cowering today, read Tennesse William's memoir, it'll give you a light hearted escape from your troubles......Buh hahahaha!