Her Trollness, The Mutant

These are the New York Times most frequently searched terms this very second:

1. immigration 2. [REDACTED] 3. world cup 4. china 5. iraq 6. india 7. iran 8. college 9. clinton 10. bush

You'll notice I censored #2.

On the internet, there's a subhuman form of life we all call "the troll." They are everywhere, feeding and growing on attention -- the most scarce resource on planet Earth. Shockingly, they are our friends and neighbors, cowering behind the safety of the computer screen. Rarely does this creature emerge into the light of day.

But occasionally a mutant form comes along capable of flaunting their trollness in public. They get dolled up and do godawful things to their hair. Dutifully, the world laughs and vilifies them never quite realizing this is the food of mutants, the life-giving force of troll. Just one look should make it clear this mutant troll never eats real food!

So the mutant grows more and more powerful, consuming more attention day after day until there is nothing left. The planet is in shambles, democracy in destroyed, and our brains are full of mush.

Don't feed the trolls.