THE BLOG
10/27/2013 05:51 pm ET Updated Dec 27, 2013

4 Reasons Why Delaying a Divorce Procedure Is Like Creating a Time Bomb

The expression 'time is money' is very relevant and true, especially when it comes to divorce procedures. In general, where money is involved procedures can get complicated and situations can get heated up. Every hour of delay is also directly connected to the hourly fee of a professional. Think for example about inheritance questions or... divorces. Of course when a divorce procedure gets delayed it is not only the money issue that could transform the whole process into a time bomb, there is much more. Let me give you four examples of why delaying a divorce procedure can often make the situation worse.

1. The gap between you and your partner can grow bigger

From the moment both spouses speak out the D-word openly, the timer starts to run. During the first days there will be a moment of stress, pain and panic, but in most cases both spouses often realize that breaking up in a positive way should be their joint goal. It's important to benefit from this point of view right away. My personal vision is that settling a divorce becomes then part of the relationship. This means that every day you are delaying the process this 'joint goal' will become less important, because the 'soon to be exes' will each start looking ahead into their new lives with new targets, friends and potentially new lovers. The last one brings me to my second point.

2. The risk that your partner finds a new lover during your divorce procedure

In the beginning of a lot of divorce procedures both spouses prefer to separate in a positive way from each other. This is based on the history the spouses build up together and the respect they have for each other. But in emotional and uncertain periods people often start to look for new partners or lovers to fill in their emptiness which has just emerged. This search is in most cases natural and therefore inevitable. These 'post-divorce relationships' are often not the long-lived relationships but can be very harmful for the divorce procedure. A new lover often is fast involved and in most cases has a biased opinion about financial subjects or even custody. Not to mention the fact that the new lovers are often not very popular with the exes which can create very complicated situations. So working on ending the relationship with our 'joint goal' and a certain 'swiftness' in mind, can be a good thing for you both.

3. The longer it takes the more family and friends will be involved

Another reason why it's not smart to delay your divorce procedure for too long is because of the people whom have been part of your live already. Those are your friends and family who want the best and nothing less than the best for you. But your best friends and family are often not the most impartial and may have strong opinions, however well intended. The longer the divorce procedure takes the more people from your 'inner circle' can get involved in the procedure, their involvement is all based on good will but can be an impediment to the process. Keep the procedure as clean and as less crowded as possible. Only the two spouses themselves are able, and should be the ones to end the relationship in a positive way.

4. Delaying is costly, causes financial frustration and ruins mediations

Divorce procedures are directly connected to the hourly fee of professionals. This means if the spouses, the professionals or and other parties delay the process the financial frustration of them grows each and every day. I saw many amicable and decent people change into monsters based on their financial frustration during the divorce. In every case financial frustration can create a 'snowball effect' of negativity in divorce procedures and it does affect the objectivity and fairness of the spouses. And last but not least, because of this delay a lot of mediations fail and get turned into dragging procedures with two separate lawyers and two separate large bills.

So, when you have reached that point where you know the ending of the relationship is best for both of you, try to find that 'balance' point together and that 'joint goal for harmony' and hold on to that throughout the process. Know, that when you combine your forces and your intentions to end your being together as positive as possible, good things can come out of it, also for you.

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