THE BLOG
09/09/2013 04:30 pm ET Updated Nov 09, 2013

Holidays Are Over and so Is Your Marriage, Too...

At Divorce Hotel, we have noticed an increase of divorce requests after the holiday seasons are over. In our case this literally means that people change their holiday hotel for our Divorce Hotel. You could ask yourself why people still go on vacation with someone they might consider divorcing. What can we learn from these divorce peaks after many horror holidays?

In many cases the wish to divorce doesn't come as a big surprise. Couples know that their relationship isn't really working anymore, but sometimes they see their holiday as a final test to be certain of their decision to split up or can we still make it work. But how many tests are necessary before you decide to divorce? In a lot of other cases it lacks couples the strength and perseverance to take the D-decision before a vacation starts.

Often holidays are planned well in advance. The closer the day of departure comes the more difficult it gets to make such a final decision. Soon the whole situation takes on a life of its own and a point of no return is reached. These vacations often end up in horror holidays with a lot of quarrel, which is even more dramatic when children are involved. Back in their home country their marriage wasn't already working very well and now they have to spend the day together for 24 hours in a strange place with no familiarities like work, friends, neighbors and perhaps ever your secret affair to keep you distracted from the troubles at home.

Delaying the decision to divorce can lead to awkward situations. I remember the sad but true story of a client who planned a holiday to the Caribbean with his wife and their one-year-old child. During the vacation every evening his wife needed some 'alone' time and so she took a walk across the beach. What he didn't know was that his wife didn't take a walk on the beach at all. Instead she walked straight into the arms of her lover. This secret lover had booked the same trip to stay only 800 feet away from her in a similar bungalow. After the fourth night of "beach walking" the husband felt something was wrong and it wasn't very surprising that when their holidays were over their marriage was too.

It's crazy sometimes what people are capable of and what they do to avoid ending their relationship. While the only thing they have to do is to divorce earlier to avoid chaotic situations and awful divorce procedures. You can imagine that mediation was not an option in the "Caribbean case." Their expensive divorce afterwards took years and ended up in a "fighting divorce." Even worse in cases like this is that the child will suffer most.

Planning a vacation trip with somebody you (are starting to) hate is asking for trouble. So you just arrived from such a horror holiday? In that case my article may have come to late... or not. Facing the next, for some people, horror holiday is coming up within three months. What can we learn and do better? Of course one-to-one solutions do not exist. But what does exist is honesty, being realistic and showing courage. Honesty to yourself and your partner is sometimes difficult but makes the situation realistic and less painful on the long term. Waiting too long taking decisions will harm the future divorce process more in every case.

I have seen that courage and sincerity will be rewarded. It creates a healthy fundament of your possible next step: a divorce based on mediation. People are often not aware that your divorce process often starts far in advance. If the process is messed up from the beginning it will be difficult. When you are convinced that your marriage is over; start taking sincere and honest decisions in time in order to be ready for the next step: your positive new future.

I say it often: "the failure of you marriage is perhaps a negative experience, but your divorce should be your positive new start." And the only one who can influence your positive new future is you!

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