THE BLOG
09/05/2005 04:21 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

10 Katrina Items Of Which Conservatives Can Be Proud

Karl Rove is right. The whole thing has really been a triumph of Bush Administration management, it's just that we liberals are too blinded by our prejudices to see it. Foolishly misguided as we are, we might have thought the priorities would have been to constructively save lives and property along the Gulf Coast. Distracted as we are by what we now opportunistically call massive and tragic loss, we refuse to see the shining moments which have emerged here for conservatives.

1. "Must be doubly devastating on the ground." The President powerfully and succinctly articulated the philosophy that ties rich conservatives together in America: "Wow, real life looks like a bitch! Good thing we don't have to touch it."

2. "I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees." Well, not anyone you'd want to know, Mr. President. After all, they're scientists, and therefore dangerous.

3. "Don't buy gas unless you need it." The emergence of a comprehensive new energy policy. Loosely translates to "Buy gas for the two SUV's and the F-150, but consider holding off on the lawnmower for a week."

4. "You're doin' a great job, Brownie." Landmark FEMA response demonstrates ideal background for chief executive is coddling rich horsebreeders. May want to next put Mike Brown in charge of Social Security Administration, to pump up argument on urgent need for reform.

5. Validates Bush environmental policies. If the globe were being warmed, it would dry us out, right? All that hubbub, and the stupid liberals haven't said a word about Global Wetting. Hah!

6. No shoes amid the chaos, but new slippers for Condi. While survivors fried their feet on the asphalt of New Orleans waiting for Federal help, Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice shopped at Ferragamo in Manhattan. Those poor people in New Orleans should have gone to Stanford.

7. $500 million more for Kellogg, Brown & Root. Halliburton subsidiary gets to begin collecting on natural disaster cleanup contract it "won" (tee-hee) from the Naval Department. May even do some work for the money.

8. Another happy AWOL moment for Barbara and Jenna. Bush daughters, who have chosen to express support for their father's noble Iraq War from afar, were again MIA. Good example for young people of America, who shouldn't let messy compassion get in the way of profit motive.

9.Should boost oil company profits. Why not? Isn't this the intended, unintended, happily serendipitous or mysteriously miraculous end product of just about everything this administration does? Higher prices in the short run, more anxiety about domestic supply and therrefore even less inclination toward silly environmental restrictions, some more useful assistance for the industry in the form of emergency federal aid-- it should all turn out nicely for big oil.

10. Underlines depth of commitment to Iraq. While thousands of conservative Christians prayed for help on the Gulf Coast, their Christian-committed administration was spending more money and attention on propping up Shiite-dominated conservative Islamic government in Baghdad. Important for insurgents to see we will not let the suffering of Americans at home get in the way of spending American resources to keep fighting them.