Will A Vow Of Poverty Fill The Void In My Soul?

As I approach my fiftieth birthday, I am feeling incomplete. Part of me - my soul? - is still missing. In secular terms, I think I am not yet in touch with the best way to serve humanity. In theological terms, I would say I have yet to stumble upon God's full plan for my life.

Ten years ago, I envisioned building a network of orphanages in the developing world with a standard far higher than existed. I had witnessed how impoverished these child-warehouses could be when I adopted my own son, then ten months of age. His orphanage was so destitute I was asked to leave his tattered t-shirt behind for the next child.

My mother, a child psychologist, encouraged me to bring this vision to life. Later, beginning with my portion of her estate, I created an organization to build small homes for children who had lost their parents to the Tsunami in Indonesia and Sri Lanka, and a hurricane in Haiti.

About a year ago Orphans International expanded our model to include family care, placing children far too numerous for my organization to handle inside their own extended families, providing health care and education to both children and caregivers. Tanzanian children orphaned by AIDS are next.

After the Tsunami, I left Wall Street to devote myself full-time, pretty much "18/7," to raising funds to pay for it all, and to coordinating the actual work - a challenge considering the enormous cultural, religious, linguistic, and even time zone differences.

I have given everything away - my inheritance, my savings, my pension - and devoted my home, my career, even my immediate family to this effort. Nevertheless, I have this nagging feeling that I have missed something. That none of this is quite enough. Moreover, I am rather tired and in need of spiritual sustenance.

I tire of colleagues assuming that I can work for room, board, and an allowance because I have a trust fund or other hidden assets. I tire of being asked to take a vacation when I have no funds to pay for it. I tire of not being able to afford going out to dinner with my friends.

Am I unsuccessful at the age of 49 to have nothing left? Or am I marching to the beat of a different drummer?

I have traveled this path, perhaps, since witnessing my parents protest the Vietnam War and march for civil rights and social justice. It is a path I have traveled since seeing the horror of street children in Bogota, Colombia thirty years ago. Abject poverty first repelled me in my youth, but eventually engaged me. How could I use what I have to help?

Although others are called to create wealth to assist the needy, after years of contemplation I am convinced that my own calling is to use my meager gifts to build a bridge between those who have and those who have not, plus the villages needed at the feet of these bridges. Wealth is needed to build these bridges, but the simple bridge-builder himself has no need of affluence.

Is this path genetic? My father rejected his Andover-Dartmouth-Yale past as part of the East Coast Establishment that he felt was intrinsically evil. He dedicated his life to academia and, on the side, built homes for Habitat for Humanity. I was lucky to have more than my father's influence.

I have had three mentors in my life, now dead or comatose: Paul Moore, Cheddi Jagan, and Betty Millard. Paul was the Episcopal Bishop of New York. He was a Moore (Benjamin Moore Paints) and grew up in great luxury. He gave it all away to focus on the city's poor. Paul was an early role model to me and asked me to be his driver/assistant.

Cheddi was president of Guyana - twice. His commitment to non-alignment sent him to jail for years, yet he persevered. I dined with Cheddi many times, and although I never built the volunteer corps he wanted me to, recruiting young, technically savvy Americans to give a year to his people, his imprint on my life was enormous.

Betty Millard saw me on Donahue twenty-five years ago and invited me into her life, eventually serving as the super of her Greenwich Village apartment building, and spending weekends with her at her farm in Duchess County where I could discuss a life dedicated to social change, stroll the trails, and focus on my writing.

What would a vow of poverty do for me? In college I seriously considered - and then rejected - the notion of being a minister. I do not believe in a literal Trinity, and I am convinced that if you are paid to do good, society either ignores or sneers at your example. Is this vow the middle ground I have been seeking?

Like a marriage ceremony, a vow of poverty allows the community to offer support before God to the individual making the commitment, often providing the continuous motivation to persevere. How many marriages have hit the inevitable rocks in the road and then been helped by friends and family to continue onward? It is natural for one's circle of life to offer encouragement. I already count on them more than they know.

Further, as I continue to build my organization, I am appalled by the number of humanitarian institutions run like businesses. Helping humanity cannot be a 9-5 job, and however much health insurance is needed, if you want to make a buck, work at a bank.

Voluntary poverty is often an essential element of faith from Buddhism to Christianity - from the simplicity of the Society of Friends (Quakers) to the monastic vows of Roman Catholic priests. Members of the Franciscan, Jesuit, and Maryknoll Orders have traditionally forgone all individual forms of ownership to better embrace the poor whom they serve so nobly.

In this context of sacred vows, personal poverty may be understood as a means of self-denial in order to better place oneself at the service of others.

I also wish to inculcate in my own staff, my volunteers, and my board the idea that service must come before self. Our mission of helping the least of those should mean we allocate as many of our resources to our children as possible. I cannot bear the idea of high rent, large salaries, or extravagant overhead. Simply put, I advocate a life, not a job.

Some would argue that foundations will never fund my organization if we cannot pay our executive staff "living wages." I argue for a new paradigm: Staff that is willing to work for next to nothing evidences commitment that assures sustainability. An organization where the staff is under-committed can never be sustained.

I have concerns that a vow of poverty might be seen as too Christian, in spite of its tradition in Buddhism and Hinduism. As a thirteenth generation Anglican in North America, I cannot do much about my roots. I was baptized in the Episcopal Church in a dress that dates back almost 200 years. Two of my great grandfathers were Episcopal priests.

My Anglican upbringing emphasized social justice and responsibility, being a good steward of our finances and our Planet Earth, and belonging to the Family of Man. I was raised simultaneously Episcopalian and Interfaith - kind of Unitarian, but with a baptismal dress.

I once heard from the pulpit that no thinking Episcopalian had literally believed in the Trinity since the Reformation, and I do believe I can focus more doing God's work outside of church than in. The tasks that I perform daily, however, are deeply rooted in my Anglican heritage.

I have heard all my life of building the Kingdom of God - right here, right now. As an active homeless shelter volunteer in New York City in the 1980's I came to understand that Hell is not mythical: It exists anywhere people are forgotten.

Being Christian means helping others regardless of their faith. It is "The Good Samaritan," the "Prodigal Son," and our responsibility to "the least of these."

Yet I can also study and appreciate the Talmud, Tzedakah, and Tikkun Olam. I embrace Islam's love of widows and orphans. The simplicity of Buddhism and the concept of doing no harm are striking. Hinduism's pantheon of deities who guide us towards tolerance inspires me.

Mahatma Gandhi lived a simple life, as did Oscar Romero. The Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh represent some of the best traditions in Buddhism. Katharine Drexel and Dorothy Day are two American women whose lives have lit my pathway. These heroes have helped direct me down the road of life, in the same direction as my personal mentors.

Nevertheless, my roots reach back to England. No matter how I embrace interfaith ideals, at heart I am culturally Episcopalian. My own vow of poverty would be, if I proceed, The Act of Commitment taken from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer. It is straightforward:

Celebrant: May the Lord guide and strengthen you, that in this, and in all things, you may do God's will in the service of his kingdom here on earth.

Community: We commend you to this work, and pledge to you the prayers, encouragement, and support of this community of faith.

Celebrant: Almighty God, look with favor upon this person who has now reaffirmed his commitment to serve in your name. Give him courage, patience, and vision; and strengthen us all - Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Moslem, and Hindu - in our vocation of witness to the world, and of service to others.

My new friend Peter Yarrow sings, "Tell me why you're crying, my son? I know you're frightened, like everyone. Will it help if I stay very near? I am here." In the simplest sense, this sums up my commitment to the world's children orphaned by the storms of life. Can my commitment be strengthened through voluntary poverty?

The road leading to my possible vow of poverty has not been smooth. The destination is not clearly in view. Yet I am convinced that this road, however windy, is not a dead end. Neither is it the road to glory, nor the road to salvation for the world's orphaned children. After almost fifty years of travel, however, it promises to be the road towards my own personal salvation.

Those who do not know me are curious about my motivation. Those who know me well often ask, bluntly, "Are you nuts?" If thinking one man's moral choices can change the course of the world, I would truly be nuts. I have come to poverty through faith and not stupidity.

The notion of a vow of poverty fills me with more peace of mind and soul than I have ever felt. A vow of poverty for me is the idea that I can do no more than I am doing. It lightens the enormous burdens of my life commitment.

As my 50th birthday looms, I yearn to feel complete. I need to find that part of me that is missing. A vow of poverty seems to me the best way to serve humanity. It is my fullest understanding of God's plan for my life.

Follow Jim Luce on Twitter: www.twitter.com/jimluce

Comments

[star21eagle]

Your thirst for this path reminds me of saint francis of assisi,he amde the same vow at the age of thirty enarly 700 years ago.have a look at his life, you may find it encouraging.I personally admire you and your thirst for this path.if your heart is calling you, why not?
saint Francis says:
Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance. Where there is patience and humility, there is neither anger nor vexation. Where there is poverty and joy, there is neither greed nor avarice. Where there is peace and meditation, there is neither anxiety nor doubt.

[curiousasheck]

No it won't

[GrainOSand]

Mr Luce:

I have given this subject a great deal of thought since I read your thoughts and I am reminded of a quote from the Tao Te Ching:

I constantly have three treasures;
Hold on to them and treasure them.
The first is compassion;
The second is frugality;
And the third is not presuming to be at the forefront in the world.
Now, it's because I'm compassionate that I therefore can be courageous;
And it's because I'm frugal that I therefore can be magnanimous;
And it's because I don't presume to be at the forefront in the world
That I therefore can be the head of those with complete talent.


Find entire quote here:
http://ratmachines.com/philosophy/tao-teh-ching/chapter-67

Meditate on these concepts if you have not already and perhaps you will find guidance.

[star21eagle]

I loved it.beautiful quote.

[Perla]

I'm into my 50s, Jim, and rethinking my longstanding habit of romanticizing poverty. Throughout my adulthood, I chose to live with the minimum in order to avoid the payment of war taxes and to be in solidarity with the poor (though that could only be by degree, and I never had any illusions about totally throwing off my privilege, of course).

I don't have any regrets about all that, but I see now that I can be a more effective activist if I have the wherewithal to take care of myself AND have enough to throw around where I know it is needed.

It helped me to realize that, as much as I respect my Catholic Worker friends, they RELY on donations from people with REAL INCOME to do their work (as have I). Another important realization for me was that the people I have met in Latin America have NEVER asked me to go home and be poor with them. They DO ask me, in so many words, to leverage my time, gifts, money, and even my privilege on their behalf.

So if money itself is not the problem, but rather the maldistribution of it, for me the question becomes: How can I best help to re-distribute the wealth?

There's no one best answer for everyone, of course, and I don't mean to discourage your possible vow of poverty, Jim. Best wishes for your journey, and Happy Birthday.

[BarryChamplain]

Jim, I just want you to know one thing: you are a more evolved human being than anyone I know, especially myself. It takes a particular degree of advanced humanity to do what you do "18/7" (what??? You SLEEP? :-), and most of us lower forms just aren't up to that.

Never think you "haven't done enough", although technically, that's true... as far as YOU'RE concerned. This is your calling. You will never be content with the status quo, and in a way, that's a normal reaction.

[jimluce]

LOL... Well, I did take an hour nap last week... :-p I will admit I am frustrated about how much there is to do and how little I am able to accomplish, but all things being equal, I am content with what I am doing. Early on I realized if I could provide 100% of my all, no matter how little, that was enough. I guess this vow idea of mine is just to fulfill my personal 100%. Thanks for caring.

[NitaNitaBoNita]

Disclaimer: Jim is a friend and neighbor, and you cannot overstate how beloved a figure he is in our community.

He has drawn together people of disparate ethnic backgrounds, economic status, and political and religious views, all for the betterment of people who have less. Even if he reaches fewer goals than he thinks he should, he still has done much to provide a moment of grace in an increasingly graceless world -- and we should be gratified by his example.

[cmoncrief]

First, let me say that I have been a social worker with non-profits for many, many years. I have lived the poorly paid life for a long time, and while I love my work, having a low income in order to help others is a huge sacrifice. I have to disagree, strongly, with this man's viewpoint.

The fact is, money is needed to run organizations. Staff costs money. If you don't have adequate staff, then you don't have a program; it's actually that simple. It is foolish, simplistic, and naive to think any staff, despite how committed or dedicated, should want to live in poverty.

Here is reality: Poverty is fine when you are 20 something, young, and idealistic. But when age creeps upward, and you are faced with real issues like a broken down older car, medical bills, increasing rent and food costs, then suddenly lack of money can become frightening, even life threatening.

Michele Obama recently gave a speech recently advocating more people to go into low pay "helping" professions. That's fine, she makes a reported 300K per year. A fellow social worker friend of mine, a woman with two kids who works full time, survives by feeding her kids with food stamps. She has no savings, old clothes, and a broken down car. Do you realize what an incredibly stressful life that is?

My advice is this: stop your existential whining and hand wringing. Declare your poverty and go forward. Good luck.

[KillgoreTrout43]

It's not merely about altruism. Even some of the wealthiest give to the poor, through various charities and such. But a certain level poverty let's you be altruistic in ways other than monetary contributions. It makes it possible to give "of yourself." To share wisdom, love, loss, gain, and all that comes with this type of sharing. It is as selfish as it is altruistic, and I mean selfishness that is not the negative type. But selfishness in that when you benefit, you can be a benefit to others as well. Again, I do not speak of monetary or material benefit, but soul enriching benefits. In other words, good Karma.

[mycall8]

I can totally relate. I also made "a vow of poverty" in 1992. For me, I dedicated myself to serve humanity through my main vocation Chiropractic, emotional and energetic healing. I have been working since then as a kind of "Inner Peace Corps" mostly in underserved areas in Europe. I have since then learned to speak German and continue joyfully on my mission of healing. Though I am not of any one particular faith, I do believe in a universal Spirit that guides and challenges us to be all that we can be. It has been an amazing journey, from the beginning. Taking this vow doesn't have to mean, living in rags or under some bridge. It is an openness to give and receive without expectations. Support comes automatically, the manifestations of Grace are so present. I have been given places to live, been fed and supported by total strangers, I was given a car, received referrals and professional support from many unexpected sources. This vow for me has been an and is an amazing journey of faith. I remain commited to help all those that I can..... jai hanuman

Glad to hear there are others that have this consciousness and their piece of this mission. Stay with the feelings that guide you to greater good and serve all those that you can.....

[lyingtruth]

I made a vow of wealth sounds more attractive to me!

[WorkingClass]

Go for it.

[vorpalmusic]

So I will try to say it here, as blunt, truthful, and verbally economically as possible. I really hope you are reading this, because I am not a spiritual master, but I think I'm saying something you need to hear. Please accept my apologies if it sounds harsh:

You are clearly doing more good than almost anyone else alive. You are doing so much more than the average person, at such genuinely heroic levels, that it is comparable to the difference in wealth between the richest in the world and the poorest. I use this metaphor because it seems to fit in with your habit of perceiving things.

Stop worrying if people think you are sitting on secret financial reserves and therefore are not "poor" enough. You are already a humanitarian hero. No joke.

Stop worrying that people will think your vow of poverty is motivated by your Episcopalian roots. How is this relevant, anyway, even if it were true? Which it clearly is not, It is clear you are very open about other religious perspectives.

Get over it! This is supposed to be about the poor people, right? Stop worrying so much about how your work is perceived. In fact, stop thinking about it at all! Try instead to enjoy the incredible amount of good you accomplishing with your life--even if there might be one or two other people on the whole Earth doing a little bit more.

[Chalkeater]

I'm reminded of Mitch Snyder, who devoted his life to helping the homeless, but also ended up committing suicide. I think it's possible for an individual to place too much burden on themselves. We're probably at our best when we're doing some kind of service to others, but we also deserve to have fun time for ourselves. I find Mr Luce's life inspiring, but I hope he does find a way to go on the occasional vacation.

[homesteader]

Many years ago I applied for a job with an NGO, wages posted were just about good enough. But when I went for an interview I was told that I had to--more than tithe--give back something like 25 percent of the gross, while taxes would be taken out of the whole amount. A good way to turn people away.

United Church of Christ, not to be confused with The Church of Christ, does I think require quite a bit of academic preparation, but they are pretty much all over the map as far as "doctrine" and belief systems. I got used to people asking but what DO you believe in, surprised myself repeatedly by realizing that I had core beliefs that would have been difficult to shake.

[brooklyncitizen]

I guess the void is always about seeking a closer relationship with God...maybe the other paths are ways of doing that. Often even charity is not the act of kindness it appears to be if it has the wrong motivations- and these could be simple things such as identifying as a "good" person, as a "giver",and overidentifying as a man on a mission, as it were.

THe post is fascinating but there appears to be a disconnect.I suspect people such as Mother Teresa or even the nuns of my acquaintance can make this commitment because of their closeness to God...it really is an incredible filter to live one's life and fuels and motivates us. Also it is easier to sustain poverty within a community, such as an order, than on your own.

My last read on your desire is that of wanting to prune and keep simplifying your life down to what is essential.; an unburdenning if you will.

[mbaty]

If you need to do that then do it, but remember that (god) never asks you to suffer or go without, but continuously provides the abundance of the universe if you ask. Maybe what you are trying to get to is a place of faith where you know without a doubt that every day you will be taken care of and provided for. Maybe you see how happy some people are with next to nothing, and you want that sense of happiness, contented with so little...but (god) certainly doesn't care either way whether you are rich or poor, so make sure that's what you really want before making some kind of religious vow.