3D is Still 1D Too Many

06/04/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Attention technophiles: the Masters Golf Tournament is being broadcast in 3D! Imagine seeing every blade of grass come to life. Who needs Avatar when you have a Tiger on the course? You have got to be kidding.

I am typically an early adopter of new technologies. I had the first generation VCR. It must have weighed 35 pounds. It was all metal and built like a tank. I videotaped the birth of our first daughter in 1986 on Sony's first 8mm camcorder. It almost looked as big as a professional unit and was just about as complicated. Several years earlier, I bought Sony's first CD player (model 101) and it too was built like it would be the only CD player I would ever need. Of course all of these technologies were improved upon or replaced and at substantially lower cost and higher quality in the months and years that followed. You'd think I'd have learned, but I continued in my quest to be the first with the latest. From the earliest notebook computers to the first generation iPod (and the second and third, and so on) to the ill-fated mini-disc and CD recorders, each device seemed to have a useful shelf life of mere months. I have been burned before.

When plasma televisions were introduced the early models sold for $25,000. I was patient to a point and waited until I could get a "deal" for $5,000. Now, even better sets, boasting 1080p resolution (instead of my set's mere 720 lines) cost around a grand. I thought I had learned my lesson until the iPhone came out. I promptly broke my decade-long contract with Verizon, since AT&T was the sole carrier (I even switched my entire family plan over to AT&T) and bought that first generation iPhone for around $500. Fast-forward a year and I upgraded to 3G for a premium since my two-year contract had not yet ended.

This past weekend I witnessed with awe the exodus to Apple stores around the country as an estimated 700,000 iPads were sold on the first day alone. Never mind that within a month those devices will seem passé when the 3G version is introduced. This time I showed restraint. Maybe I am maturing. Or maybe I just don't have $500+ to spend on a device I don't even know yet that I need.

So now the Masters is broadcast in 3D to those thousands of people who have already bought the next big thing - 3D televisions. Forget the fact that they require glasses (no more laying on the sofa if you have to wear goggles). Plus, it's already hard enough to keep track of my remote. The truth is, I have several remote controls - one for the cable box, another for the monitor, and a third if I want to listen in surround sound. Plus, how many glasses do I need? What if guests drop by and someone is left out? Do I really need a 3D television? Not yet.

Plus, let's be serious. If I am going to be enticed to watch a program in 3D, it sure isn't going to be golf. The driving force behind early sales of VCRs, DVDs and even the Internet was, of course, pornography. If Tiger's alleged mistress, adult film star Joslyn James makes a film to be broadcast in 3D, call me.

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