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ADVICE NEEDED: 'My Husband And I Can No Longer Support His Mother'

Posted: 05/07/2012 4:27 pm

Dear Savvy Senior: What resources can you recommend for locating government assistance programs for seniors? My husband and I have been helping support his mother for the past three years and we can't afford to do it any longer.

--Tapped Out

Dear Tapped: Locating government benefits and financial assistance programs for seniors is actually pretty easy to do thanks to two key resources created by the National Council on Aging (NCOA) and the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging (n4a). Here's where you can turn to for help.

Online Search
If you have access to the Internet, the easiest and most convenient way to search for benefits for seniors is at benefitscheckup.org.

Created by the NCOA 10 years ago, BenefitsCheckUp is a free, confidential web-based service that helps low-income seniors and their families identify federal, state and private benefits programs that can help with prescription drug costs, health care, utilities, and other basic needs. This site contains more than 2,000 programs across the country.

To help identify benefits that could help your mother-in-law, you'll need to fill out an online questionnaire that asks things like her date of birth, zip code, expenses, income, assets, veteran status and a few other factors. It takes about 15 minutes to complete.

Once completed, you'll get a report detailing all programs and services she may be eligible for. You can also apply for many of the programs online, or you can print an application form, fill it out and mail it in.

Phone Assistance
If, however, you don't have Internet access you can also get help over the phone by calling the Eldercare Locator (800-677-1116), which will assign you a counselor to review your mother-in-law's situation, and provide you with a list of possible programs she may be eligible for, and who to contact to get the ball rolling.

Types of Benefits
Depending on her income level and where she lives, some of the different benefits that may be available to your mother-in-law include:

Food Assistance: Programs like the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) can help pay for her groceries. The average monthly SNAP benefit is currently $119 for seniors living alone. Other programs that may help include the Emergency Food Assistance Program, Commodity Supplemental Food Program, and the Senior Farmers' Market Nutrition Program.

Health Assistance: Medicaid and Medicare Savings Programs can help or completely pay for out-of-pocket health care costs. And, there are special Medicaid waiver programs that provide in-home care and assistance.

Prescription Assistance: There are hundreds of programs offered through pharmaceutical companies, government agencies and charitable organizations that help lower or eliminate prescription drug costs, including the federal Low Income Subsidy known as "Extra Help" that pays premiums, deductibles and prescription copayments for Medicare Part D beneficiaries.

Heating and Cooling Assistance: There's the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP), as well as local utility companies and charitable organizations, that provide assistance in lowering home heating and cooling costs.

Supplemental Security Income (SSI): Administered by the Social Security Administration, SSI provides monthly payments to very low income seniors, age 65 and older, as well as to those who are blind and disabled. The average SSI payment is around $500 per month.

In addition to these programs, there are numerous other benefits such as HUD housing options, home weatherization assistance, tax relief, various veteran's benefits, transportation, respite care and free legal assistance.

Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of "The Savvy Senior" book.

 
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Dear Savvy Senior: What resources can you recommend for locating government assistance programs for seniors? My husband and I have been helping support his mother for the past three years and we can't...
Dear Savvy Senior: What resources can you recommend for locating government assistance programs for seniors? My husband and I have been helping support his mother for the past three years and we can't...
 
 
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01:58 PM on 05/08/2012
People, if you are in your 50's or late 40's, and especially if you are in your 60's, BUY A LONG TERM CARE INSURANCE POLICY!!! Now!!!! No matter how much you have saved up, it wont cover the cost of care AND still maintain the quality retirement you had hoped for.

Avg cost for assisted living is 42k in CA, over 3 years that's 126k. Try finding an investment where you put in around $100 a month for maybe 15 or 20 years that pays out 150-250k, you wont. Buy a LTC policy.

And if you are worried about paying for something you may not use, there are now life insurance/long term care hybrid products. You're either going to die fast or slow, you need the assistance its there, if you die an immediate death the money goes to your beneficiaries income tax free.
12:59 AM on 05/08/2012
Just don't vote Republican ...
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AngilTarachRN
Eldercare Expert, Author, RN, Consultant
11:01 PM on 05/07/2012
The Health Assistance paragraph is misleading. Yes there are Medicaid waiver programs, which vary by state, for homecare, but are often closed to new applicants or have long waiting lists. If a senior qualifies and actually does get in the program, services are minimal; typically under 10 hours weekly.
There is no mention of the Veterans Administration benefits for homecare, medications with very low co-pays, medical equipment and more for Veterans. Additionally there is an Aid & Attendance pension benefit to assist with care costs, which is also available for spouses of deceased Veterans if the spouse meets very reasonable criteria.
Many Catholic & Jewish family services, as well as the United Way have volunteers or can at least help guide a local senior to the services available for their particular situation.
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demisfine
Often correct, NEVER right.
10:34 PM on 05/07/2012
How many of these programs will cease to exist if the GOP gains more power in DC?
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10:26 PM on 05/07/2012
I wonder how many of those programs have had their funding severely cut?
10:15 PM on 05/07/2012
Please not that all these "helpful" programs require that you mother in law becomes, essentially, indigent. Not assets. All her savings will have to be spent. She cannot keep her home or any savings she has -- except for a minimal amount. You may not want to go down that road.
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janehenry
01:08 AM on 05/08/2012
If mom had savings/assets she wouldn't need her kids to support her...
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MexiChick67
Que? Que? Queee?
01:51 AM on 05/08/2012
Unless she really needs it. If she owns her own house then it may be time to sell it and move into a smaller place. Many seniors are living in homes built for large families. They are paying quite a bit in utilities and upkeep. The reality is that many seniors cannot live the lives they did when they were working and with young families. It is best to downsize, especially since many will outlive their savings or retirement. I've heard of one person who had to come out of retirement, so that she could support both of her elderly parents who didn't expect to live into their 90s. She is in her 60s. That is some hard reality.
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Trueletterson
Working man politically right of center
10:05 PM on 05/07/2012
My Husband And I Can No Longer Support His Mother' however your husband and you can and will support your mother. Your husband better wake up!
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Durt Bagg
I know dirt.
09:14 PM on 05/07/2012
"Long term care is the largest unsecured risk facing Americans today" – Money Magazine.

Jonathan Pond, America's Financial Planner, says that 90% of estates are spent this way: 1) nursing home, 2) IRS, 3) children, 4) grandchildren, 5) charity. More people are worried about the IRS taking their money than about having to spend it on a nursing home.

Some 75 million boomers are ill prepared to cover the costs of long term care especially since Medicare and health insurance does not cover the bulk of long term care and Medicaid only does once someone has spent their live savings to the poverty level. http://www.longtermcare.gov

With only about 10% of those buying long term care insurance (http://www.nationalltc.com) the rest will spend their estates on paying for care and some will end up on welfare health care (Medicaid) after spending all their money.

The Federal Deficit Reduction Act provided for every state to have a Partnership program to provide asset protection for those who buy qualified long term care insurance policies. http://www.partnershipforlongtermcare.com/

Plan now, or pay later.
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janehenry
12:52 AM on 05/08/2012
Do you have any idea about how expensive long term care insurance is or how little it really covers? Planning for old age is important, long tern insurance may not be the best way to do it.
01:32 AM on 05/08/2012
If you get a decent group plan, it can be affordable. About $40 to $60 per month depending on age. Coverage is for four years. My mother is using hers right now as she has dementia and is in assisted living. The cost is more than 40K per year and insurance covers about 95% of it. Not a bad deal if you need it.
09:09 PM on 05/07/2012
My mother is a disabled Senior and my husband and I have helped her for 12 years. Paying her bills, life alert and paying someone to help her run errands have all stretched our budget thin. So I can comment as someone with first hand knowledge on this. This is how we will do it: We will move her into our home, giving her half the house. We know our privacy and free time will be gone but consider it a blessing to care for her. We both work full time to support her and will spend our nights and weekends taking care of her. Our grown children will gladly pitch in. My brother and sisters could care less about helping so I am grateful that my kids will use their weekends to help their grandmother. What is missing? YOU JOHN Q TAXPAYER! You won't be paying for my mother's care because she is mine to take care of,not yours! We won't be EBT"ing, SNAP carding, section 8 housing, (unlike Obama's Aunt has to, good gracious Mr. President, take care of your own family!), Medicaid, heating or cooling assistance. Nope. Why? Because my family doesn't demand that your hard earned paycheck go to support my mother. Because I can work and so can my husband and so can my three kids. We will forgo vacations, new clothes, eating out, cable tv, etc so that we don't take YOUR money. Just maybe you need it to support YOUR FAMILY, not mine!
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janehenry
12:55 AM on 05/08/2012
Good for you, everyone is not that well off...
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MexiChick67
Que? Que? Queee?
01:52 AM on 05/08/2012
Good for you. Glad that you are able to take care of your own.
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IndyGuy
Et tu, Brute?
08:48 PM on 05/07/2012
We have my stepdaughter, son in law and granddaughter living with us after his construction business in Chicago went under. Plus we are also supporting my mother in law. It's best to get your mother in law on government assistance, as we have.

I just hope I don't loose my job, then there will be a number of us hurting.
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sillyfrog
Pastafarian and UU student
08:26 PM on 05/07/2012
There are so many people that will help pay or no pay. Just don't use them up. Things like yard work or a casserole are appreciated. No matter what the government is doing be more important.
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08:42 PM on 05/07/2012
I so didn't understand what you just wrote.
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ammsunday
09:16 PM on 05/07/2012
What did she just say?
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cosmiCataclysm
09:43 PM on 05/07/2012
LOL. He wants a casserole, which is more important than ANYTHING.
07:42 PM on 05/07/2012
Send a note to the president. YOU are exactly the kind of person he is fighting for.

Vote Obama 2012 !
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WilmaJune
11:22 PM on 05/07/2012
Don't bother. I emailed the President after he took office. I received a page long email with no answer to the question. It also contained a request for a contribution to his re-election campaign. This was in March 2008. The requests continued until I sent an email requesting them to stop. Then, I called my Senators. I was told that I would receive a call before 5PM. Neither one called me. They are both Democrats.
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07:32 PM on 05/07/2012
I vote D but I believe in family helping each other. I lived in my grand mothers home as a child and I help my family now. Give her a room and let her help her family and feel useful.
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jukesgrrl
Hands off SS, Medicare & Medicaid
07:31 PM on 05/07/2012
I live in Arizona, not exactly known for its progressiveness in the area of social services, yet I was able to get a one-on-one meeting with a professional counselor in ONE phone call to the Pima (Co.) Council on Aging.

I got an appointment almost immediately. The counselor gave me all the time I needed (more than an hour) to get advice and have questions answered about caring for my disabled, elderly, mother who lives with me. I walked away with facts about what help is available in my mother's income category, contact info, guidelines for making appropriate plans for the future, and a support group for me, as the care-giver.

I cried while I was in the meeting, but the counselor was genuinely empathetic and kind. I left feeling SO much better about our situation, which had me at my wit's end. I encourage everyone (and there are so many of us!) who are responsible for the welfare of elders to call their local Council on Aging.

Most of all, please vote for candidates who will promote policies to help our elders who are living longer and lacking the resources to live without assistance. We CANNOT have cuts to Social Security and Medicare! This is a major stress issue for millions of people and often leads to families breaking up — something neither Republicans or Democrats should want.
09:01 PM on 05/07/2012
thank you for telling us about your experience. So many of us face the challenges of caring for elderly parents without knowing what to do, how to get help. thanks again.
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ammsunday
09:17 PM on 05/07/2012
Amen. Fanned.
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sylkol
You can't buy soap on aid if you don't have kids.
07:07 PM on 05/07/2012
"SNAP benefit is currently $119 for seniors living alone." If you don't have kids or are under 65, you cannot buy soap, dish soap, laundry detergent, paper towels, tissues, tampons, shampoo, toothpaste, sponges, or a lightbulb on aid.Over 65, how are you supposed to live on 119 a month? that's 29.75 a week. 4.25. to eat. add in all of the above and how is a person over 65 supposed to eat or live? And America is worried about giving money to help other countries.
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10:34 PM on 05/07/2012
You are so right. I know a woman who has cancer, can't work right now, is in danger of losing her home, and gets $25/wk for food. She has trouble buying toilet paper and gasoline, among other things. Despite struggling myself, I took some garbage bags, toilet paper, and laundry detergent to her today.

Bread is $2.50, Milk is $3.00, Eggs are $2.50, orange juice is $3.00. That's $11 right there. A pound of ground beef is $4.00. A bag of rice is $2.00. A box of chicken stock is $2.50. That's $19.50. Wow! Still have $5 left to spend! How about a box of cereal. There you have it, Folks. A week's worth of groceries for $25.

How pathetic.
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sylkol
You can't buy soap on aid if you don't have kids.
08:20 AM on 05/08/2012
Thank you. So, so true. You're right, you can't buy garbage bags, either, but people would say you don't need garbage bags - cause you won't have anything to throw away but a bag of rice.
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sylkol
You can't buy soap on aid if you don't have kids.
08:26 PM on 05/08/2012
It is great you listed the costs. Exactly true. I was shocked to not be able to buy a sponge. Just because I lost a job. You never get to drink milk or orange juice. And you're shocked. All you do is remember yourself as a kid, you never thought you could go through all your savings and get cut off 5 months unemployment in the worst economy and have nothing. Not even soap.
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janehenry
01:03 AM on 05/08/2012
Snap benefits are based on income, here in NE $766 gets my mentally disabled friend $95 in food stamps...thank goodness she gets rent help....
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sylkol
You can't buy soap on aid if you don't have kids.
08:18 AM on 05/08/2012
Salvation Army director said, "put your clothes in the bathtub and stomp on them" - literally - to clean them rather than give quarters for laundry. Where did he think you could buy the soap from if you have no cash? They offered a month for rent assistance.