I adore reading advice columns.
For whatever silly reason, as a kid I would always flip the paper right open to Dear Abby. Sometimes we need a heaping helping of honesty to shake us awake. Readers are always writing to me asking for advice or telling me their secrets, so I thought it would be fun -- and helpful -- to address the questions publicly. Enjoy!
Dear Juicy Jincey,
I'm in my 40s but have only been out a few years. All my lesbian friends in my age group, who have been out their whole lives, are boring. By this I mean they don't want to go to the Pride parade or festival, and although they all have motorcycles, they don't want to ride with Dykes on Bikes to start the parade. I'm just wondering if all lesbians over 40 are boring, or is it just my choice of friends? What can I do?
--Bored Out West
Hello, sweetheart! I have to confess that I harbor a secret fear that I, myself, am boring. When I start to feel that insecurity arise, I tell myself, "Only boring people are bored." I don't know why I do this, and it doesn't help. Now, back to your question. Screw your friends. I think you need to live it up!
Sometimes we want other people to do what we are doing, so that we feel more secure in ourselves. Truth be told, though, we all admire someone who breaks away from the crowd and stands on their own; be that kind of person. Hop on your bike and rumble to the front of the Pride March. I'm giving you advice that I give myself. I always say, "Jincey, forget about other people. Stop worrying about being judged. Let loose and have fun!" I have found that over time, this has really shrunk the size of the stick that's up my ass.
Maybe if your friends see you taking full advantage of your own life and living in the moment, then they will be inspired to feel that rush of fresh air that hits you when you first jump out of the closet.
Dear Juicy Jincey,
Why do gays and lesbians not get along? I'm not talking about myself. I love a lez!
--Queer in Paris
Hello, Paris! We often refer other people in the LGBTQ community as "family," right? Well, in a family there can be sibling rivalry. I fought quite furiously with my brother when we were growing up. I'd get annoyed with him and bite the crap out of his arm. Once he got older, he started biting me back, and at a certain age our mother made us call a truce. We've been good buddies ever since. Maybe we should start a petition to form a peace treaty within the family.
In my case, gay men have embraced me more than lesbians. I've actually had some real hate directed at me by my lesbotronic sisters. It is Pride month, so really, the focus should be on loving ourselves and supporting each other. I don't really want to comment on the reasons "why" we might not get along. I think the reasons are irrelevant. Let's just drop it with all the judgment, OK, y'all?
Keep on loving your lezzies, and encourage the other gays and queers to do the same!
Dear Juicy Jincey,
Can a woman be classified as a lesbian even if she's never been with a woman sexually but is very attracted to women?
Hello there! As you know from reading my column, I love sexual curiosity. I think I've been entirely too focused on labels since I came out of the closet. The need to identify oneself as part of a group is very strong -- a very human quality, since we don't like to be alone. I do believe that it is possible to know for certain that you are only attracted to one gender without actually having taste tested. The important thing is how that woman identifies herself. She should have the freedom to feel comfortable expressing herself romantically and sexually.
Next week, as part of Pride month celebrations and the upcoming anniversary of the gay-marriage bill in N.Y., I want to give tips on planning the perfect gay wedding and steamy honeymoon. Remember, if you have questions, suggestions, or want to share your stories with me, you can tweet me @juicyjincey.
Follow Jincey Lumpkin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/juicyjincey