Americans struggle with happiness, while others seem to find it naturally with so much less. How about you? Are you caught in the trap of being way too busy while longing for more happiness and fun? Ever catch yourself saying: "I'm going to slow down as soon as ________ (fill in the blank)?" But how often does it really happen? Could you learn something about living a happier life?
Michael Neill nailed the point recently in his article "Life is Not a Journey":
... How differently people would approach their lives if they really saw that there's nothing additional needed in order to be happy and well. Well-being is our nature, yet we spend so much of our time chasing after it like a dog chasing it's own tail ...
In my last article I shared about how the Italians have cracked the code. Wouldn't it be great to stop throwing your life away in a flurry of getting things done? Keep up this pace and you can look forward to stress-related illnesses, depression, burnout and broken relationships -- the risks couldn't be greater. What matters more than your health, your relationships and your happiness?
We've seen these things happen to others, time and again. The hard-working business owner, who put off spending time with the family, ends up alone and depressed. The 40- or 50-something professional, who worked out religiously but worked even harder, drops dead from a heart attack.
Every time such a tragedy strikes, we remind one another that life is short. Yet nothing changes. The air we breathe in America shapes us with its invisible hand. So how can you break out of the "too busy" trap while there's still time?
I suggest you start by asking yourself what you long for. What's on your "as soon as" list? Would you be willing to give up your busy-ness to have those things in your life now? As one who has way too often been caught in the "too busy trap" and frustrated by her inability to let go and just have fun, I have compassion for your struggle. I've always been able to shut it off on vacation, forget about the work issues and have a great time. Yet it's nearly impossible to keep the balance after I get back. But gradually, I'm learning.
Recently I had a breakthrough. As I shut down the computer on Friday, I looked forward to the weekend so I'd have time to get to the bottom of my inbox and clear the decks without the phone ringing and emails pouring in. Thank goodness that's not what happened.
Here's what did:
At first it was easy -- it's still early in the weekend, I'll have time. As the hours drifted by, I kept going with the fun option instead of what I had to get done. I can't say it was easy, as my responsible little voice kept saying things such as, "Let's tidy your closet, then you can go read" or, "Just start the prep work for dinner, then you can go to the pool" and even, "Clearing your inbox wouldn't take that long."
I've always known that when we seize time to do the things that matter, the rest takes care of itself. Absolutely true! Proven time after time. Carpe diem! Just do it! But knowing and doing are two different things, aren't they?
After Sunday dinner on the patio, instead of jumping up to do the dishes, I leaned back to watch the dragonflies. Zipping one way, dashing another. Endless loops going nowhere. Easy to make the connection with my own speed trip.
By Monday I felt restored, and I had the most productive week I'd had in a long, long time.
You know this lesson as well as I do. Are you ready to take the plunge into happiness, relaxation and pleasure? Are you ready to cure yourself of our national addiction, once and for all? Would you be willing to trust that it could work for you? That's the big question, because we're trapped by such thinking as, "I can't afford to relax" or, "I don't have time right now, given all I have to do" and "This is what I long for, but I can't do it now."
Believe me, I'm not suggesting that you become an irresponsible couch potato, but give yourself a break. The work will wait for you -- and you'll get it done more quickly and easily as a result of getting away from it.
A checklist for breaking out of your "too busy trap"
Maybe you've heard:
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today? Today is a gift.
That's why we call it the present.
-- Babatunde Olatunji, 1927 - 2003
Leap and the net will appear.
-- John Burroughs, 1837-1921
Please leave a comment here, reporting even the littlest of successes. By doing so you'll inspire the rest of us. Or you can email me at jinny@bestyearyet.com.
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I tried being very busy a few times. I never could get the hang of it. Maybe because I started meditating at an early age.
Today was busy; although I have not made it through the play list of my classic rock and roll file. I did write a piece and upload it. I caught up with two other pages in my blog. And, obviously, I am catching up with my reading.
I did some research and found several interesting tidbits. Some were married to my blog and some simply savored.
For some reason this poem popped into my mind. I had memorized the first stanza in Jr. High.
Seemed like a good day to re-visit. I'm not very busy; although I am scheduled to go downstairs and cut some bamboo because I have to go to Lao tomorrow to refresh my visa.
Out upon it, I have lov’d by Sir John Suckling 1609–1642
Out upon it, I have lov’d
Three whole days together;
And am like to love three more,
If it prove fair weather.
I have also meditated for years and find that my practice is paramount in helping me stay on the path I'm here to walk. Nothing matters as much to me.
I hope your travels go well.
I love the descriptions of the "weekend".... Do working people really get weekends off? When I work, it is a rare thing to have free time at the same time my friends have free time. Everyone works different, very erratic schedules. Because my hours tend to be a minimum of 12 hours a day with 90 min commute on each end, there is no such thing as being able do grocery shopping on weekdays. I have no washer, so there is no way to pop a load into the washer. EVERYTHING has to be done during days off.... laundry, shopping, emergency errands like trip to the vet, car repairs, dental and medical appointments, vaccuuming..... and most importantly a night with 7-8 hrs sleep.
Thanks for your honesty about the challenges in your life right now. I'm truly sorry to hear how difficult things are for you, and I can understand how the article might not have struck a chord with you.
I've been exactly where you are, stuck in a trap with no visible way out. I encourage you to grab just a bit of time to do something you enjoy and that makes you feel more human. I know it sounds impossible, but just do it! The list will wait awhile, I promise.
Good luck to you.
Best, Jinny
Sometimes the list can't wait... because if you put one thing off, it impacts everything down the line. There was a time, when I literally had 4 hours per week that was not scripted.... and if *anything" was thrown off during the week.... even if it was just taking too long at the grocery store having an additional errand thrown in... that 4 hrs was the only give. I did that for 18 mos... at the end of that, it was 6 weeks before I could sleep 4 uninterrupted hours. It was 6 months before I could sleep 7 hours. Through all of that I had been only getting 3 broken hours a night... and had tried desperately to get 40min at lunch in my car in 90+ temps.
On another job, back in the 1990s I had to handle my father's last days by telephone. He passed w/o me. At the time it was a choice of being with an unconscous man or my job whilch would pay his medical bills.
Sadly, from what I am hearing now. People have the time to relax because they are unemployed, but petrified about money and finding work. People who do have jobs, are terrified of losing them. I know way too many who feel that they MUST be available at all hours all the time.
It's the lucky few that have a happy medium.