Happy 100th Birthday, Miami Beach -- What a Great Time to Go to the Keys

03/25/2015 12:31 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2015

Peak season: the busiest week of the year in Miami.

Just this week alone Miami is hosting Winter Music Conference and the Ultra Music Festival (arguably the largest music festival literally on top of a city); the Florida Derby in horse racing (our Kentucky Derby) and the tennis Miami Open out on Key Biscayne; plus this is Spring Break for many colleges and K-12 schools up north are beginning their Spring Breaks as well. Our beaches and hotels and traffic is simply nutso-beserk-o (it's a term, becoming more and more popular in academia).

On top of this, this happens to be the centennial birthday of Miami Beach -- 100 years old -- oh, goo-goo-goo-look at you -- what a cute little baby, aren't you? Yes, you are...

Miami Beach is not Miami.

They're different cities within Miami-Dade County.

Miami was officially incorporated as a city on July 28, 1896 -- Miami Beach was incorporated on March 26, 1915 -- which makes it 100 years old this Thursday.

Seriously now.

We all know that Miami Beach (with its rough population of 90,000 residents) is the heart and soul and throbbing MECCA of all that which is Miami-Dade (with its rough population of 2.8 million, meaning Miami Beach residents constitute only three percent of Miami-Dade's overall population) but we TOTALLY love you nonetheless. The city of Miami Beach is growing and is run by some very competent politicos and they're doing their best to guide us into the 21st century without corruption nor flair.

That's why to celebrate such a momentous occasion as a centennial, 100 YEARS, they are throwing arguably the largest free party (if you're one of the three percent residents of Miami Beach) on Thursday with a concert literally on the beach featuring: everyone connected to Miami music and Andrea Boceli. It should be a blast. You have to commend Miami Beach for saying yo, yo, yo, yo MIAMI, it's OUR birthday, we're gonna party like its OUR birthday, sip Baccardi like its OUR birthday.

We are a world class city after all --

And to throw a world class party in the middle of a city that's already throwing world class parties -- it further illustrates just how much of a world class city we are...

Bring it. We can handle it. No doubt. I mean, yeah.

Of course, I won't be here.

I gots the social anxiety when it comes to tourists and crowds and traffic and raver music, SO I rented my crib on AirBnB and made mad stacks and I'm off to the Keys.

A brother's gotta chill: The circus isn't for everyone.

Still, through the playful sarcasm, and with the utmost sincerity, happy birthday, Miami Beach. May you celebrate 100 more. Let's just make sure your 200th birthday isn't underwater. Although that could actually be fun. Probably a lot less traffic.


This is the big one, Elizabeth..


Serenity now, or sometime soon, please -- pretty please