JJ Keith
JJ Keith's first book, Motherhood Smotherhood, is described by Publishers Weekly as "an irreverent manifesto for cavalier mothering." Her writing has been featured in Reader’s Digest, Salon, TheRumpus.net, Daily Life, Role/Reboot, Mamamia, The Hairpin, xoJane, Babble, The Nervous Breakdown, Alternet and other publications. She holds a Master of Professional Writing degree from USC, where she was also an adjunct lecturer in the undergraduate writing department.

Entries by JJ Keith

6 cosas que todos los papás primerizos deberían dejar de hacer antes de volverse locos

(0) Comments | Posted December 9, 2014 | 12:11 AM

1. Recibir demasiados consejos

Soy consciente de la contradicción: estoy aconsejando a la gente que no reciba demasiados consejos. Pero bueno, escuchadme. En mis primeros días como mamá, leí muchos manuales para padres, al doctor Google y a gente cualquiera que escribía en foros y que (quiero pensar) tenían algún...

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6 Dinge, die junge Eltern in den Wahnsinn treiben

(0) Comments | Posted November 27, 2014 | 3:00 PM

1. Zu viel auf den Rat anderer hören

Mir ist bewusst, dass das widersprüchlich ist: Ich gebe Menschen den Rat, weniger Ratschläge anzunehmen. Lasst mich ausreden. Als ich gerade zum ersten Mal Mutter geworden war habe ich mir viel zu viele Tipps geholt aus Elternratebern, von Dr. Google und von...

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6 Things New Parents Need to Stop Doing Before They Lose Their Minds

(4) Comments | Posted November 24, 2014 | 8:44 AM

1. Taking too much advice.

I realize the contradiction: I'm advising people to take less advice, but hear me out. In my early days of being a mom, I took in way too much advice from parenting manuals, Dr. Google, and random people on message boards who -- I'm going...

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Wie Kinder das Leben verändern

(6) Comments | Posted October 2, 2014 | 6:04 PM

Ihr Haar war ungewaschen und in einem Knoten zusammengebunden. Mit der Milchpumpe unter der Stillschürze stellte mir meine Freundin, eine frisch gebackene Mutter, eine beängstigende Frage: „Wann werde ich mich wieder wie ich selbst fühlen?"

Ich fing an zu stottern: „Plötzlich und dann ganz auf einmal?" Sie zuckte zusammen unter...

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When Will I Feel Like Myself Again After Having a Baby?

(3) Comments | Posted September 29, 2014 | 4:32 PM

With her unwashed hair wadded into a bun and a breast pump whirring away under a nursing cover, my friend, a newly minted mom, asked me a daunting question: "When will I feel like myself again?"

I stammered. "Suddenly and then all at once?" She winced at the pump's torture,...

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I'm Coming Out... as Pro-Vaccine

(2845) Comments | Posted September 24, 2013 | 2:35 PM

I know. Some mom coming out in favor of vaccines shouldn't be breaking news. There's nothing edgy about siding with most parents, nearly all the world's governments and the vast majority of medical researchers and practitioners. But more of us need to do it.

When I see debates about vaccines...

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Can We Talk About Cloth Diapers for a Sec?

(49) Comments | Posted September 23, 2013 | 4:41 PM

Well, not the diapers themselves. I don't have much of an opinion about them. Well, one opinion: I think it's kind of weird to give a brand of diapers the name "Thirsties," because I picture semi-sentient diaper-shaped lifeforms that are literally thirsty for baby urine. But that's my issue, I...

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When Parenthood Makes You Want to Scream

(48) Comments | Posted June 22, 2013 | 9:49 AM

When out and about with my kids, people sometimes tell me, "Cherish them while they're little," or "You'll look back on this time fondly." Half of the time I think, Of course! My precious love dumplings are going to grow up so much faster than I can imagine and someday...

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I Love It When People Judge My Parenting -- No, Really

(50) Comments | Posted April 21, 2013 | 12:34 PM

"What happens if that snake bites me?" my 4-year-old daughter asked as her sticky little fingers rested on the plexiglass that separated her from a viper, a viper with a mouse-sized lump in its gullet.

I winced and answered as cooly as I could, "Uh, you could die." I prepared...

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Attachment Parenting Dropout

(44) Comments | Posted February 26, 2013 | 4:36 PM

I'm a crunchy person up to a point. I trek to the farmers' market every weekend to fill up my recycled-plastic shopping bags with avocados and organic strawberries, but I've never made my own reusable fabric toilet paper squares.

When my daughter was born, I decided I'd be the...

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Fearless Stage Fright

(0) Comments | Posted October 10, 2012 | 12:44 PM

Like most humans, I don't feel great all the time. As my 3-year-old daughter says, "Sometimes Mudder gets frustrated." I taught her the word "frustrated" early in her life, as I needed a way to convey to her when I was neither mad nor sad, just miffed, because it happens...

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An Open Letter to Thomas the Tank Engine

(16) Comments | Posted October 1, 2012 | 12:23 PM

Thomas the Tank Engine
C/O North Western Railway Company
Island of Sodor

Dear Thomas,

You're a train with a face, so I knew I had to get in touch. For a long time, when your program came on the television, I took it as my cue to lure...

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My Advice to New Moms: Anything But Babywise

(167) Comments | Posted September 4, 2012 | 1:05 PM

What advice would you give to a woman pregnant with her first child? I mean, I don't know. Don't drop the baby? Don't forget to change their diaper every few hours? Find a wooden spoon and bite on it until the baby turns 1?

I have two friends pregnant...

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Fearless Friends Fight: 'Some Of My Best Friendships Began With Acrimony'

(3) Comments | Posted August 15, 2012 | 8:51 AM

"I quit, you bitches!" he yelled before ripping his apron off, throwing it on the ground, and storming out of Starbucks, leaving me with my rival to finish the shift. Neither of us were sad to see the guy go -- he was a grown man who replied, "Do I...

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Dear NBC, Thanks for Ruining America

(9) Comments | Posted August 2, 2012 | 8:01 AM

Dear NBC,

Look, I'm not proud of this, but I really like to watch gymnastics. True, I forget about it for three years out of every four, but there was a moment a few months ago when I was like, "Huh, 2012 is an Olympic year, right? GYMNASTICS!" and then...

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My Brief Encounter With Katie Holmes and Her Entourage

(0) Comments | Posted July 9, 2012 | 10:27 PM

In 2005 I was a 25-year-old barista at a Starbucks in Hollywood, which was a terrible waste of my anthropology degree, insofar as an anthropology degree can be anything but wasted. But despite failing at life, I had come to think of myself as a mentor to one of my...

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I Can't Have it All, But I'll Make Do with What I Can Get

(5) Comments | Posted June 28, 2012 | 5:14 PM

It's fitting that parenthood begins by getting screwed, because that's roughly what happens every day thereafter. Though children are long on delights both existential and immediate, the practicalities of parenting are daunting, especially in the United States, where there is little subsidized childcare and most parents are only eligible for...

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I Turned My Dog Into a Knickknack

(2) Comments | Posted June 19, 2012 | 11:45 AM

My dog's ashes are currently in a small silver gift box on my bookshelf. I loved my dog, but I hate that ugly box and its stupid tassel.

When my husband and I decided to cremate Bernie, we thought we would scatter his ashes along one of his favorite hiking...

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An Open Letter to High School and College Students

(2) Comments | Posted June 7, 2012 | 3:40 PM

Sup, Kids Today.

I am a mom, but I'm not your mom, so don't think of me as a parental figure. I'm just trying to figure some stuff out before my own children, both of whom are very young (the worst thing they can think to do online is...

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How I Managed to Sexually Harass My Male Co-Workers

(6) Comments | Posted May 29, 2012 | 5:38 PM

I chose to move to Portland when I was twenty because that's where my favorite band, Sleater-Kinney lived. That tells you everything you need to know about my maturity and decision-making faculties at the time.

I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to do with my life, perhaps become a...

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