A Peaceful Revolution

This new blog is about consciousness raising and culture change. Very few Americans realize that there is deep bias against mothers in this country and that we are undermining family's ability to care for children. I began to understand this a few years ago when I learned that equal pay for equal work is just as big a problem today as it was 40 years ago. I was shocked! Women without children now earn 90 cents to a man's dollar, mothers earn 73 cents, and single mothers earn about 60 cents to a man's dollar. A study done last year revealed that a mother is 79 percent less likely to be offered a job when all other factors -- including resumes, education, and job experience -- are equal. Ever wonder why there are so many women and children in poverty? Every wonder why there are so few women in leadership? Since over 80 percent of women become mothers I would say that women have a long way to go before they have equal opportunity in this country. Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner and I wrote The Motherhood Manifesto and launched www.MomsRising.org in 2006 and FamiliesRising.org in 2007 with policy and culture change in mind.

Why is there deep bias against mothers? It turns out our country lacks basic supports for families. Out of 173 countries, only four have no paid leave for new mothers -- Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, Liberia and the U.S.A. (One of these countries is not like the others.) Our health care system is the most expensive in the world per capita, yet our child mortality rate is 37th. Paid sick days are not required, quality child care is hard to line up and often more than parents can afford, the list goes on. It turns out that having a child is the top cause of a "poverty spell" for families, a time when income dips below what's needed for basic living expenses like food and rent. What a sad statistic. Frankly, the U.S. is missing basic family supports, which most other countries take as a given -- and the kicker is that countries with family-friendly policies and program in place don't have the wage gaps we do here. We know how to fix this problem.

Then there are the cultural barriers. Too many employers have '50s-style work expectation that workers have no care responsibilities at home, yet most children in this country have both parents employed outside the home. It's a time bind. EXTREME WORK, where employees brag about 24/7 jobs, leave little time for family, community or life outside of work. The U.S. now has the dubious distinction of having the most hard-working population in the world. We spend the most hours per year of any country in the world at work and vacations are becoming an endangered tradition. Might we be working stupid because we are so tired? It is time for us to consider our values.

The good news is businesses that are adapting to the human need for flexibility are thriving. Businesses that recognize and accommodate the shifting needs of workers based upon their family responsibilities are retaining highly qualified employees and benefiting substantially. Profits and productivity go up as does worker satisfaction and loyalty, and in turn corporate costs go down because there is less of a need for recruitment and retraining. This is one of those delightful times when we can construct real win/win solutions with a bit of thought and human kindness.

This column is going to feature leading thinkers in the field of work life satisfaction:

Robert Drago is a Professor of Labor Studies and Women's Studies at Penn State, co-founder of the Take Care Net, and author of Striking a Balance.

Irma Herrera Executive Director Equal Rights Advocates, www.equalrights.org

Mary Ann Mason Professor, The University of California, Berkeley, Author of Mothers on the Fast Track and The Equality Trap.

John de Graaf the President of Take Back Your Time and lead organizer of the What's the Economy for, Anyway? conference, coming up in Washington DC on Oct. 5-7 (see www.timeday.org/economyconference)

And other stellar voices. Please join us for a peaceful work revolution.

Comments

[menandie]

There is so much bias in the workplace, in the courts. I am not sure when we became a culture that ceased to care for its children, but we have. All we care about is money.

An employer recently told me that I shouldn't take my child to the doctor "unless she's dying" (she had been in isolation and in an oxygen tent while being treated for RSV). This employer also happens to be another woman - not a man.

The judge handling our divorce says "all dads are good dads" - this in a county that was recently ranked in the top 25 worst counties for child abuse in the state of Texas. My own divorce attorney told me (as soon as he chashed my check for 2k) that I was "vindictive" for expecting my husband to pay child support - he was also the mayor in our fine town. There is collusion in the courts to help my deadbeat husband (he's paid a whopping 1500.00 of the over 60,000. he now SHOULD owe in support TO HIS CHILD. The court won't give orders for child support, but they are more than willing to order a 5 year old girl to stay with the father that abandoned her when she was facing possible handicaps and only 3 months old. These good citizens would force a little girl complete stranger with a documented history of drug and alcohol abuse, unpaid support for another child, and even unpaid taxes. Here's a kicker... my child has to go without decent food and clothes, and insurance when she has medical needs, but the IRS is garnishing his wages to get THEIR MONEY + INTEREST)

What does this say about us as a society?

[MamaPhD]

I'm thrilled to see you blogging here, along with some of my favorite writers on the work/life challenge. Here's to spreading the message and organizing for change so that life improves for mothers -- and ultimately all parents.

[UtopianGirl]

Great blog! I've read the Mommy Manifesto, and am a big fan. I've struggled to raise three children and manage a career as sole breadwinner, and have faced these issues for the last three decades. It's extremely frustrating.

In fact, just look at this week's USA Today snapshot on older, hindered caregivers. "Of the 2.5 million grandparents who care for their grandkids, the number of those who are below the poverty line is 496,000, and those with a disability is 753,000." This is a clear indication that many low income families must rely on elderly caregivers to work because they cannot find and afford quality daycare. It's putting a huge stress on our aging population as well!

[bibliomom]

I do think a mothers' movement is long overdue. Perhaps the reason is that mothers are not wholly unified in their opinions about what should/could be done to support them and families. The recent edition of Brain, Child Magazine's cover story on "soccer moms" makes a great case that the MOTHER agenda in your book, The Motherhood Manfesto, could unify mothers around important large isues (such as health care, security, education, fair pay) instead of narrow-casting mothers into groups such as suburban stay-at-home moms versus urban working moms and the like. Watch out purveyors of the mommy wars: a cease fire is about to begin.

[elcox]

Hi Joan,
Sign me up for your peaceful revolution. I want to be an active participant. We mothers pay a huge price for continuing the human race. The work we do is not classified as work, but rather a personal choice, like getting our nails done. But being a Mom is the most important job in the world. We're raising the next generation. It should be our nation's top interest to encourage us to do a good job. We mothers are also a huge voting block.

I know the price mothers pay both professionally and personally. I used to be the major breadwinner in our family. But after our third child, I realized that for the sake of the children I needed a more balanced life. There was no part time option available. So I went from 70 hours a week to zero.

I then spent a few years as a "dependent spouse." Luckily, I have a husband I can trust but even so it's a lousy deal. My retirement plan is now a fraction of his and my Social Security check has shrunk considerably. By staying home with our children (something we both agreed was best for our family unit) I have become financially dependent on him not only now but also in my retirement years. I am also dependent on his employment for my healthcare needs. I hate being dependent. It undermines my sense of self-worth.

Let's rally around a few issues that would give mothers a more balanced life and less financial vulnerability.

1. Universal healthcare: Our current system of linking employment to healthcare is discriminatory against caregivers and workers seeking flexible employment.

2. Retirement planning. ERISA should change its guidelines so that parttime workers can contribute to retirement plans on a pro-rata basis. Also mothers should be able to set aside pretax dollars into IRAs regardless of their husbands' incomes. They should not have depend on their spouse's goodwill in old age.

The face of poverty in this country is a woman, often a single mother. It's time we women express political outrage.

[AnneMichaud]

Dear Joan,

Congratulations on the launch of your new blog. I have been following the work of MomsRising.org for two years. I wholeheartedly agree that there is a deep bias against mothers and that we are in need of an effort along the lines of a civil rights crusade to bring awareness to modern family issues.

Like "wvchic," I've experienced a complete upending of attitudes in the workplace since becoming a mom. I remember my "aha" moment, as Oprah would say, when I was hugely pregnant with my first daughter, riding on an elevator with a young man I didn't know who worked in my building. He must have been about 30. He started talking to me in a very sweet voice, but condescendingly, as though I were a receptionist (apologies to receptionists here) -- when in fact, I have a master's degree and probably outranked him. I could only stare at him in stunned silence.

Worse, many women have internalized the presumed inferiority of mothers. A self-designated "child free" co-worker recently complimented my hair cut, saying it was "much less soccer mom." Gee, thanks. I had been on the soccer field and loving it just the afternoon before.

New mothers often use the social networking site MeetUp.com to connect. Most are pretty straightforward -- moms want to meet for play dates. But occasionally you find women who want other moms to help them hang onto their identities, be it as fans of a particular rock band, artists or political liberals.

I wonder at the fear behind becoming a "typical" mother. I think we know it carries a stigma.

I remember a male colleague, a journalist, laughing about my idea to work part-time when my daughter was born. "What are you going to do, scrub the toilets and floors?" he asked. C'mon. Bias does not get any more tangible than this. Why are we not regularly calling it out onto the carpet for inspection?

[disisdkat]

Until women around the globe stand up and take responsibility for the running of our governments our resources will be squandered on war and gamesmenship.

Our country spends more on war than all the rest of the world combined. There is a reason we have nothing left for health care, education, and protecting the environment.

[thetrueemma]

You know, I suppose it's also worth mentioning that I rarely did see my mother growing up. We never really had a mother-daughter relationship like my friends did/do. Mom is someone I'm always wary and careful around, and she has never had my complete trust.

As I've grown older, I realize how much I wish we could have developed a stronger, more stable and trusting relationship - because we are very much on edge now. I've also had to develop independence from a very young age, was vocal well before two and went about alone very young, maybe six or seven. Being independent helped me become very social with my friends and gave me strong organizational and leadership skills.

That said, I would wait for my mother every day by the door and hope she would be home by 6:30. Sometimes it was 11 instead, and I'd be in bed by the time she arrived. I was raised in large part by my grandmother, who has since passed. It was a huge blow to me (I'd just left for college) and I was very depressed and didn't know who to consult for advice and aid (I did not particularly trust my mom!). I ended up becoming very close with a friend, who helped me.

My grandmother's death also really outlined the lack of commune between my mom & me. I think perhaps, it does make a difference when a mom is available for her child. And yet I'm thankful for who I am, for my wisdom and my old soul - though I acknowledge the cost. Pain. Struggle. I'm still not sure I could trade my own wisdom.

My mom wasn't there, but I became there for myself. 'Tis sad though.

Anyway... perspectives.....

[thetrueemma]

Hello Joan!

My mother is a senior trial attorney at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). She gave birth to her first child (me, in this case) during law school, about twenty years ago. My mom makes in the triple digits, and is very much equal to her co-workers. The chief attorney as well as the head of her office are female, and a great proportion of the workers are racially diverse.

Because my mother works at the EEOC, perhaps this successful integration is not surprising. I would note, though, that it is certainly a step forward and a note in the favor of working mothers.

I was raised by a stay-home father with a masters in architecture from Harvard. He chose to stay home and garden, quilt, crochet, cook, and care for my sister and myself - all passions for him. My mom has earned the primary money in our household since I was about five years old. Has she ever made less money than her male contemporaries? I personally would be hard pressed to say. I think it is true that all of the partners in her old, dastardly corporate-supporting law firm were male; after my mother entered private practice, though, it is safe to say she was overloaded with cases and not at a loss for work.

In my personal experience, women like my mom dominate the work scene, in equal or greater numbers to the men. They also go to college more frequently and excel to a greater extent in school, in my experience. And that means they have the teachers' trust and support - not just that they are hard workers.

The fight for women is important; but remember that sometimes women do win the battle - and all is rarely ever lost or even absent, merely in stages of tuning and solidifying. You will get equal pay if you choose your victories wisely, work hard, and expect it from those you encounter.

Best luck,
Emma Lovelace

[Pandu]

Due to women in the workplace...

Men get paid far less due to an almost doubling of the workforce, making it much more difficult to support our wives and kids.

Men have to spend most of our time in the association of women who are not our wives. Infidelity is increased, and separate paychecks makes divorce easier. More children are living with only one parent.

I worked in child care about after graduating college 12 years ago while I was trying to get a career started. I was paid $6 per hour, and spent more time with the kids than most parents. Why do parents think they can pay such a pathetic wage and hope to get good care?

Mothers in employment are working for the difference between caring for their own children and having some stranger do it, so they want the child care as cheap as possible. How incredibly shameful! Raise your own kids.

[totalkaosdave]

You do realize that America thrives in a free market society. Congress mandating private employers give maternity leave is called economic fascism (private ownership-government control). Thank God we live in a capitalist, free market country where not only do employers set their own policies, but employees are free to find another job.

Next time you cite allegations regarding pay equity, cite the study. The last study I saw did not differentiate specific jobs, just vague descriptions such as social services. Apples must be compared to apples for a valid comparison - same job, duties, hours worked, etc...

[wvchic]

AMEN!!! I did what my parents raised me to do. Went to college, then to grad school, got married, worked to establish myself in my profession, and then had children. To say I have been shocked at the way I've been treated in the professional world since starting a family would be the understatement of this decade. The most upsetting part to me, (and to many of my friends in my position) is the fact that my husband (who is truly my co-parent in every sense of the word), has suffered none of the bias, or scorn that I have. He is praised for his actions as a parent while I have become a pariah for simply becoming a mother.

[Dahlia]

Our lack of family support is awful. My daughter has chosen not to have children, seeing how her ability to work would be undermined and the dependent position this would put her in. Is this what we want?

First, however, we have to get the Republicans out of power. Their only answer is for the woman to stay home.

[OldKnute]

Oh, now come on is it really that hard to understand?

Two workers means, TWO taxpayers. No DUH!

If you factor for the TRUE "Maternal Sacrifice", 7 to 9 years out of the workforce, lost job experience and career development, advancement path, the pay-scales are about equal.

I will tell you, women DO have it harder. Damned if you want a family, lost opportunities, lonely and partner-less, if you choose a career, overtime and job demands to stretch you this way and that.

Is it any wonder that Middle Management Maidens and women in the workplace have turned to a Hook-Up mentality for romance?

No DUH!

Oh, and what is a good man today? He works hard, plays with the kids, is willing to do side-jobs to make ends meet, he is often tired and sleeps all Saturday, always wants to be fed, never complains, never strays and is always ready to pull the plow even harder if properly motivated.

Sounds like a good MULE to me.

Oh! Don"t forget, we have Dr. James Dobson to tell you how to run your life and sue the MULE if he gets a bit cantankerous or uppity.

Then there is Oprah, she will tell you that all MULES SUCK, are hairy and smelly, love football more than you and if there is even a loud argument, you should call the cops.

LOOK, men are good at focusing on things, (Right Brain). This is why they make good engineers, scientists, mathematicians, designers and builders.

Women make good Managers, God love"um. They have this uncanny, innate ability to juggle about 20 different things all at once, keep on track and do them well. They see how the big picture works and all the parts fit.

Yes, I am generalizing here, but these things apply. Gender should NOT be a limitation, but reality is a good place to seek understanding. There is a balance. Who is best at what,,, and why.

Genderless divisions of labor.

Success? happiness?

You just need to be 10% smarter than the MULE!

All the best

Knute

[jeskiley]

This sounds interesting. I look forward to it.