What Really Killed Michael Jackson?

After following the coverage of Michael Jackson's life and tragic death, I have come to the conclusion of what killed him. It was not America nor drugs nor a ravenous and unrelenting press, nor was it a lack of love in his life.

When celebrities like Deepak Chopra, the Reverend Al Sharpton, Elizabeth Taylor, Madonna, Miko Brando, his mother, his sisters and his brothers all fiercely defend his honor and legacy, one realizes what a beloved person he was.

So the question is: with all of this love, not to mention the adoration of millions of fans around the world surrounding him, why did Michael appear to be so unhappy? Why did he feel the need to have countless surgeries on his nose, have treatment for "vitiligo" (an autoimmunity in which the body attempts to reject its pigment cells) that involved complete depigmentation of his skin, take so many pain/prescription medications, display bizarre behavior (dangling his baby son from a balcony), wear makeup, and sleep with children in his bed at his "Neverland" California ranch?

The answer lies within Michael himself. No matter how much another person loves you, if you do not love yourself, it won't make a difference. I believe that MIchael Jackson did not love himself.

What made such a talented singer, dancer, composer, and musical icon have such low self esteem? MJ claimed that his father abused him both emotionally and physically. This obviously could have started a self-destructive pattern that continued into his adulthood. Michael also was denied a normal childhood, being thrust into fame with the "Jackson 5" at an early age. Perhaps this is why MJ was so fascinated with the fantasy of "Peter Pan and Neverland".

Jackson also became famous in the late 60s and early 70s when African American performers were just beginning to be recognized for their talents and the "black is beautiful" movement was becoming the rage. He obviously never took that slogan to heart.

Courtland Milloy in his Philadelphia Inquirer article "Jackson's War With His Face" wrote that "Studies have shown that many African Americans obsess about facial features and skin color that conflict with images of beauty promoted in the mass media-images that are usually based on some notion of a white ideal." Hopefully, the 2008 election of America's first African American President has reversed this trend. But Jackson reached his musical prime in the 1980s.

I'm sure Michael would disavow he was attempting to become "white" just as he denied multiple surgeries in his 2003 interview with NBC's Martin Bashir. However, it is interesting to note that Jackson's two wives were white. Whatever his motivations, it is clear he was not happy with his appearance. Perhaps his father's mocking comments about his nose being too big set off his insecurities about his looks.

Watching that NBC special with Bashir also made me aware of MJ's obsessive nature. In one sequence he was shopping in an expensive Asian furniture store and told the salesman "I'll take that and that and that and that..." going on and on while running up a bill of millions of dollars, demonstrating clearly addictive behavior. It is not hard to believe he may have become hooked on prescription drugs and pain killers.

In that interview, MJ also displayed a certain shyness that was unusual for such an outgoing and innovative performer. It's possible Michael was uncomfortable with the adulation of millions of fans and being the center of the world's attention. Who wouldn't be?

But in the end, it was tragic that he was never able to fully accept and appreciate the love that was always there for him. As Deepak Chopra shared, MJ surrounded himself with "enablers" who kept his addictions alive and shunned those who cared for him the most. Addiction does that, especially to those who feel unworthy of love and support. Denial and escape become the norm. Unfortunately, this leads down a lonely road of isolation and despair that often ends in tragedy.

Michael Jackson will be remembered for the amazing trailblazing contributions he made to the world of pop music but through his personal story we can learn about the importance of love and self-acceptance. May he finally rest in love and peace.

Comments

[orwhatever]

I would say that this article seems to show a lack of understanding of a less common personality type and the timing of events in his life.

First, do not confuse humility with low-self esteem. In his early days he did discuss certain traumas, but he also displays an attitude of resilience and trying to make the best of things. He was a very feeling personality type so a person like that will feel things intensely, and that goes for joy and sorrow. I think the world of imagination was probably a refuge for him and a comfort.

I know when most of us think of 'loneliness' we think of actually being alone. So we think it's strange to feel lonely when you have a parade of famous/fabulous friends. But being a deep feeling person, he definitely seemed to want a connection on a very deep level that his fame and wealth made difficult.

He enjoyed helping people, especially kids who were without ulterior motives compared to adults. So for someone so heartfelt, to taint one of the things that gives them the greatest joy in life with unproven accusations is unbearable torture. He thought that doing the right things would protect him, he tried to stay strong, but in the end the pressures were too much.

As for spending, for him without the accusations it would have been a mere foible because his excessive spending would have been covered by future successes.

[gojogojogo]

And I'm sorry I can't let the wives comment go either. I'm a woman who sometimes wears trousers and who dates men, that doesn't mean I want to become one.

[orwhatever]

Who he married has nothing to do with his self-image. In fact, in an early 80's interview he said he thought that east asians were extremely beautiful, and the darker, all the more beautiful!!!!!

I think it is ridiculous to say he hated himself. His surgeries and even possible 'addiction' were rooted in injuries. And many people with his skin condition deal with it similarly.

He wasn't Atlas. He did a lot, but he couldn't do it all. He needed help but he got the opposite. His medical treatment was mismanaged and his feelings of loneliness appeared to be spot-on because in the end he didn't get the help he needed.

[gojogojogo]

Hi I'm afraid I don't agree with your article. From the glimmer I saw of Michael Jackson, he seemed pretty happy before everyone started calling him weird and relentlessly demanding he explain himself. Yes he admitted to unhappy parts of his childhood but I’ve never heard him say he actually had an unhappy childhood. And yes he said himself that he tried to compensate for those difficult times through maintaining a wise child’s approach to life. And what of it? He had the resources, he had the love in his heart, he could build his sanctuary Neverland. It’s only when he was repeatedly attacked for it that he felt misunderstood.
I live way across the world: 6000 miles from where I grew up, 8000 miles from where I was born and have enjoyed learning that it is very dangerous to assume your own ideas of ‘normal’ are correct. And that includes, normal way of growing up, normal lifestyle, normal family.
Michael Jackson was happy until we told him he shouldn’t be.

[rzan1]

Thanks for your compassionate point of view.

[Jen Grisanti - Huffpost Blogger]

I agree with and appreciate your exploration of Michael Jackson. Love of self is our journey, it starts with the lessons from our parents but ultimately, it is up to each of us to do the work. It is a gift we give those around us.

As many of us do, Michael went through the darkness to get to the light. In the end, the hope is that we focus on the positive. Despite his lack of self-esteem, he continuously performed in a way that contributed to the rise in self-esteem for others who hoped to emulate him. So, it's interesting that what he lacked in himself, he inspired in others. He will be sincerely missed.

[JDowlin1]

Thanks for your input on my blog. I agree he went through the darkness to get to the light. Hopefully he is now in the light and his life will be an inspiration to others both through his music and his troubled personal journey.

[pons1595]

Self-esteem is a learned phenomenon. It originates and is nourished by one's parents, mostly a father for a son, a mother for a daughter; but it can come from any parental figure in a young child's life.

I believe the author is correct; MJ didn't love himself as evidenced by his own words about his father who was unremitting in his criticism of MJ as a child performer --and it is unmerciful.

Constant condemnation like that kills the spirit and the soul. Hostility and hatred singe and sear the heart. After that, no amount love or adulation can fill the hole torn into one's soul. The final result is self-hate, and some of the manifestations of self-hate are perfectionism, arrogance and an unwillingness to accept who and what you are [overly simplified: not keeping commitments translates into profound self sabotage].

All the talent and money in the world cannot substitute for true happiness; to quote the Nat King Cole song, Nature Boy, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

May your soul find peace and wholeness.

[MICHELLEDIANE3]

Michael Jackson."You are not alone." Not anymore. I believe you are now, the angel in heaven you sought so hard to be here on earth. You were so misunderstood, vilified, and beat upon. There was so much mockery and hatred of you, for only one reason. You"re goodness; your luminosity into the beautiful heart you believed could be in every man. You had such generosity, and tried so hard to teach others, to look into the soul. And to not judge based on color, creed or class.
But darkness, doesn"t like beauty to shine. It detracts so much from what it is trying to do. Create dark human less souls of us all. To replace the radiance that was born within all of us, by God. You spoke of nothing, but love and peace. Your light through your words, and music shone so bright. You"ve brought so much too so many, but only sought pure love for yourself. Your sensitivity brought ridicule. When all you wished most of all was to be embraced and understood.
I think what personally stood out to me most of all; was your tender nature. Envy in other people mistook that for weakness, when in reality it is strength. The force of who you were was so strong. Many people wish to have that, but could never achieve it.
We are all afforded different opportunities in life. Instead of being envious, they should have rejoiced with you, in your life.

[boycottrightwingthings]

Beautifully said. Michael was a true humanitarian, he gave so much to so many. It seems that he loved everyoone, except himself. I hope that in death he has found the peace he so desperately deserved but did not get on this earth.

[ObamacratInCA]

Like every other mortal being, Michael Jackson died of heart failure. The rest is crass, armchair conjecture particularly without having the results of a toxicology report but even with that it remains idle speculation.

A brief dynamic life of exuberantly shared gifts should be honored not desecrated with post-mortem gossip.

[JDowlin1]

His death was a shock because as Elvis he appeared immortal. We tend to idolize our icons. It's true there is a lot of conjecture about how he died that is unconfirmed and we won't really know until the reports come out. However, this post was about his emotional and mental state in his later years. As a mortal being, he was subjected to the same problems, pain, and struggles with self esteem we all face. No amount of fame or fortune can change that. The tragedy in my eyes is that he had so many close friends who loved him, yet they were unable to help because he wouldn't let them in.
It's sad that such a dynamic and talented musician, dancer, and composer had trouble loving himself.