Facebook Status: I Dare You. Say What's Really on Your Mind!

My partner Eileen says she is sick of reading Facebook profiles about what people are eating. "Delicious soft shell crabs with Bobby" or "Try the bison burger at Ted's." She thinks it is stupid. She doesn't really care that much about what other people eat. She cares a lot about what our family eats and in fact, our family cares a lot too. We often spend meals reminiscing about great meals we have had or looking ahead with anticipation to our next meal. But that's just us. Not a friend of hers from high school she can barely remember. But now she knows that that old friend she can barely remember has a fantastic pork chop recipe.

Got me thinking about what people aren't saying in their FB profiles. We all try to be clever or witty or warm or sweet or political or informed. Pithy always works well too.

I have not felt witty, clever or pithy these last few weeks. I have been scared. My partner has been battling pneumonia. It came on suddenly. Very high fevers. Never seen her so sick in our nearly 30 years together. Wracking coughs. I've watched enough episodes of Marcus Welby and every other doctor show to know that coughs coming out of nowhere plus family history of lung cancer = panic. And then a CT scan with a big "uh-oh" attached. But not a huge uh-oh. It was the "Hmmm, let's take another x-ray in 10 days and see where we are at" kind of uh-oh.

I'll not keep you in suspense. The x-ray was yesterday and all is well. Eileen is still coughing her brains out but now I kind of enjoy hearing it. 48 hours ago every cough was like a knife in my heart.

And so for me, FB has presented a significant dilemma these past few weeks. I couldn't really say what I felt. Heck, my kids (the ones who agree to friend me) could see it. And I'm sorry but I think it would be a big downer to read "Sheer Terror" as someone's status, don't you? Even my friend Jessica Wolf who quite often "likes my status" would have been hard pressed to give me a thumbs up on that one.

So yesterday, I captured an overwhelming sense of relief after the doctor appointment with "a very good day." That was not what was "on my mind" as FB encourages us to share.

Last week, on Eileen's birthday, I wrote something sweet about it being the 28th year I woke up on July 23rd to wish Eileen a happy birthday.... I got so many lovely comments. But this was not at all what was on my mind. I mean it was but then again, it so wasn't.

I found it to be very hard work not to share what was really on my mind. Maybe because I am just hard wired to be pretty earnest. But perhaps FB could work a bit harder to get us all to really share what is on our mind. Here are some of the things that come to mind that we might read. Could make FB so much more authentic.

"Screamed so loud at my kids that the veins stuck out on my neck. And then I realized that all the windows were open."

"I just called 911."

"Is it bad if a doctor tells you to call Hospice?"

"I really like the new boyfriend but miss the old one ."

"Anyone know the difference between melanoma and melanoma in situ?"

"Constipated. Advice?"

I suppose FB would be much less entertaining, right? So let's get FB to change "What's on your mind?" to "What clever pithy thing can you write that has has only the vaguest connection to what is on your mind?"

So this morning I wrote the following status update: "What if people wrote what was really on their minds?"

My friend Richie just commented a minute ago: "You first."

OK, Rich. Here goes. "The thought of growing old without Eileen was unbearable."

Richie, your turn.

Follow Joan Garry on Twitter: www.twitter.com/joanmgarry

Comments

[Pippen]

I just opened a FB page this week. I had no idea what it was all about til this week. My page has nothing on it. literally nothing. Just my name and maybe a birth date thats not visible. I dont know.

Enjoyed the blog and I'm sure Eileen will be fine. Let me share with you something personal. My love of the last two years had a life threatening scare one late night and I called 911. I almost lost her. She recovered and so did I. I have a different healthier perspective. I am thankful for each day I get and I dont fear the future because I'm that many more days to the good than I was before I met her.

I love your point and the point of the write. Thank you. To be honest and true to your blog and the point I'll close with whats really on mind.

I'm apprehensive about the future of my occupation with the onslaught of downsizing and offshoring. It seems to creep into my mind when I'm idle or sitting blankly staring at the wall. But I'm also excited a family member is getting married soon and the family reunion that will ensue will be very fun and interesting!

[findingmuse]

I so enjoyed this article...it was poignant and sweet and funny and very true.

In addition, I will add that occasionally I go whole days (and once almost 2 whole weeks) without updating my facebook status simply because I knew I couldn't find (a) the write way to update what was going on with me, and (b) even if I could I probably couldn't do it in 50 words or less. And (c) it wouldn't be warm or witty or amusing for others to read, and I'd probably have to start fielding cell phone calls about it all and I HATE cell phone calls. Texts, too, which is slightly ironic since I have a facebook account.

Sadly, I find many of my fb acquaintances seem to use it as a tool to masquerade what perfect lives they're leading. I suspect at least 98% of them are terrific liars, and this makes me sad for humanity. Which is why I'm going to do what Robert-Cook has said he will do, and will update my fb status to ask my people: "What's really on your mind?" (I anticipate a slew of lies :)

[bluegirl424]

I really hope your partner is feeling better. When my husband has been sick in the past I have
been just a mess with worry and anxiety. There is nothing worse then that helpless feeling of not
being able to fix what's wrong. The price we pay for loving is high. Great benefits though!

FB does not seem to be set up for raw emotion or real life drama, hence the social networking title.
I too find the news feed to be superficial and simple. Sometimes I am amazed at the mundane
and inane stuff that people post. Last week a friend disclosed, "cooking dinner." Now there's
some breaking news! But it is what it is. Simple, not too deep, and non controversial. At
least the real heartwrenching thoughts can still be personal and private, and not privy to the masses.

[Winning09]

I'd just be glad not to see the usual inane "status updates."

Facebook, the pet rock of media.

[ClaudiaJean]

I think Facebook is a magnifying glass. People who are funny, witty, thoughtful in real life tend to be so in their Facebook updates and comments.
People who are socially retarded, have issues understanding boundaries or appropriate interpersonal communication with other people tend to misunderstand and misuse Facebook.
Personally, I don't find Facebook to be the forum for heartfelt, deep musings. I can do that on my own time with my closest friends in my real life. My 'Facebook' friends include those closest friends but a wide circle of acquaintances I've known through two decades in my industry, my travels, my schooling and my childhood. Honestly, I find the people who utilize Facebook as a bully pulpit for their social/political views, a megaphone for their innermost turmoils or a forum to reinvent their own personal histories to be a bore.
I think your point is valid; I just don't believe Facebook is the forum that should be given that gravity.

[Robert-Cook1]

This is a great article- I look forward to reading more-
P.S.- If my facebook settings were not super private I would 'friend' you just to see how this adventure goes. As soon as I finish writing this comment, I plan on going to my profile and editing my status to 'what if people said what was really on their mind?'