"Ted Haggard is working hard to tell the truth"

So says Mrs. Haggard in an interview yesterday on Good Morning America. It is why, she tells Robin Roberts, she now trusts him.

Ol' Mrs. Haggard has set the bar mighty low, huh? She clearly can't say that he is now an honest man, especially in light of new allegations raised just in the last 72 hours. And I suppose it is poor form to call your husband a lying bastard on network television, especially during a press tour for a documentary about your poor suffering husband that is premiering later that same night.

Perhaps the most truthful thing Ted Haggard has said during his press tour was in response to Ms. Roberts' question about the men who have come forward: "Will there be others?" His answer? "I sure hope not."

There it is. The only thing that has come out of Ted Haggard's mouth I actually believe.

So I watched Larry King last night - the next stop on the press tour - I suppose there could have been some truth or at least 'truthiness' revealed. But no such luck

So if Ted isn't going to speak the truth, I am here to offer some.

1) Sexual orientation is deeply engrained in people. Ted says he is "heterosexual with issues." Assessing sexual orientation is not like ordering a salad at a restaurant. "I'd like the Caesar salad but the my dressing definitely needs to be on the side." The truth is that Haggard is struggling with his sexuality. Maybe he is gay, maybe he is bisexual but his characterization rings about as hollow as "I'm completely straight but I really enjoy sex with male prostitutes." (note: I am a homosexual with issues. This week my issue is Ted Haggard)

2) Ted's story is as old as the hills. We've seen it countless times. Self-loathing homosexual (or 'heterosexual with issues') directs his fury outwards and spews anti-gay rhetoric at every opportunity. Now, in this case, Haggard's spewing happened from a pulpit, with a microphone and I front of thousands of people.

3) A person can be gay and not be creepy. We have taken to watching the evening news over dinner with our 14 year old twins. Last night, we watched a Ted Haggard interview together. Ben was helping shed light on the topic for his sister. This minister is anti-gay but it turns out he is gay himself, he said to Kit. "But not like "regular gay." Like 'creepy gay." Ben is right. Haggard is 'creepy gay.' (I fall into the 'regular gay' category) When a parishioner comes to your office seeking counseling about his sexual orientation, there is a "regular" response (counseling). There is a creepy response (masturbating in front of aforementioned parishioner)

4) Ted is part of the problem. I beg of you. Watch this documentary with a critical eye. Beware of sympathetic homophobes. He is promoting this film (which I have not yet seen) because it no doubt tells the sad tale of Haggard's journey. Please remember: he abused his power in the evangelical church and was dismissed. Sounds about right to me. Please remember: when he sympathetically talks about selling life insurance now, remember he should feel lucky he has a job. And please remember: his anti-gay rhetoric has been fanning the flames of prejudice and discrimination against gay and lesbian people for years. His sermons give permission - for name calling and gay jokes at the water cooler. Then it ramps up. Employment discrimination, violence. But it all starts with the words of people in positions of power, often those with pulpits.

Oh, I forgot. Ted told the truth about something else on Good Morning America this morning. He told GMA that he is back in the spotlight because "I needed to say I am sorry."

OK, I'm ready. The gay community and all of those who know and love us are ready. It could go something like this. "I am sorry for the role I have played in fostering anti-gay sentiment in this country. Gay people are second class citizens thanks to irresponsible people like me. And I may not know if I am heterosexual or homosexual but one thing I know for sure: I have issues."

Comments

[ohioan73]

How can somebody like Haggard who continually dapples in gay sexual acts, be so homophobic? Does he know he's going to hell? HAHAHA! That's the best part of watching this gay man in denial crumble before the entire USA. He is gay. He likes men. Why would God make him that way if it wasn't right? Is God a big practical joker or a cruel sadist that likes to put sick challenges upon his loyal and "pious" followers? So, by that logic, because I do not desire to be a lesbian, am I not special enough for God to put me through the Job trials that He is obviously putting Ted Haggard through? That's exactly why I'm an atheist. My mind doesn't work to create chaos out of logic as well as gay preachers.

Note: A HETEROsexual does not desire the same sex. Because they are HETERO. You will not find truly straight people frequenting gay bars constantly in search of GAY SEX. Ted Haggard is GAY. Why doesn't he get that? Does he think straight people are sneaking off on secret gay rendevous? HECK to the NO.

[jadeba]

Watched Pelosi's doc with interest - getting to see someone get what they deserve is usually a good thing (it happens so rarely - like 43 defending himself in court for war crimes - I am still hopeful I will see this one day). I found myself feeling sympathy for the guy - yes, he's just about the most messed up, delusional, hypocritical human being around, but affable and self deprecating. Definitely a nicer human being than, let's say, Ralph Reed, or Pat Robertson or James Dobson.

The doc was more an indictment of the evangelical church, if you ask me. There is no forgiveness and it seems they found it very easy to shun and send him off (go anywhere, do not step one foot back into Colorado) to darken someone else's doorstep? Didn't Jesus minister to prostitutes, murderers? I guess homosexuals would have been crossing the line for Jesus. These people were revealed to be as un-Christ like as they come.

[kaukerc]

I watched Ted Haggard on Oprah, Larry King, and Pelosi's documentary on HBO. Let's say I have been saturated with Ted Haggard this week. Initially, I felt he really had nothing to say that I could possibly want to hear. But I was patient and listened. Anger gradually melted away to just pity. Here was a man who lost practically everything that he once held as important, except his family. If not for them, it appeared that he would have killed himself. It's obvious that he is trying to come in from the wilderness...but the problem is, I don't think Ted Haggard even knows who he is anymore. If he attempts to identify himself based on his scriptural teachings, then he will never be anything more than a struggling sinner never finding redemption. If he is ever able to come to terms with his sexuality in an honest way, then he will have to scrap his current spiritual beliefs and rework them. It's obvious that he is still a work in progress...I just wonder where this journey will finally take him.

[MarkInEugene]

Smart post!

[omo]

It seems to me that most alternatively oriented people really want to be able to define their sexuality on their own terms. So why is almost everyone on this forum so interested in defining Ted Haggard's sexuality for him, when he has defined it himself already in very clear terms ? If you want your own self definitions to be honored what is the problem with respecting his ? I don't get that.

And if I were gay, I would really rather see his sexuality explained as at least partially a product of his childhood experiences because I would really rather not have his behavior (which is understandable on those terms) be some sort of litmus test for gayness. It is obviously VERY unhealthy behavior, and not because of our 'homophobic society'. If people have drug-addled gay sex behind the backs of their 'beard' (what an ugly term on so many levels) and children while publicly condemning same, then society in general probably has every right to be 'homophobic' in the interest of protecting families.

There is a qualitative and fundamental difference between same sex male relationships and same sex female relationships which the author of this article does not seem to grok.

[kaukerc]

I have absolutely no idea why you think it is preferable to able to explain his sexuality because of any childhood experiences. Are you trying to imply that he would not be gay if not for them? Or that perhaps he is "less gay" than those individuals who were not molested? I am having trouble following your logic. Exactly what is a litmus test for gayness? Are you upset because he is potentially gay, or because he cheated on his wife? And the comment that "society in general probably has every right to be homophobic in the interest of protecting families" is absolutely inflammatory. Where do you think gay people come from except from families? We are your brothers, your sisters, your wives and husbands, and your sons and daughters. To so arrogantly dismiss us as if we are the nightsoil on the bottom your shoes is unnecessarily cruel and uncalled for.

[omo]

I am sorry you feel compelled to compare yourself to the last sentence of your post.
Projecting much ? But do excuse me, in my reality the word homophobe has the emphasis on the 'phobia' part which translates from the greek as 'fear'. Not hate.

What part of protecting the families you yourself came from don't you understand ? Where women die of HIV which their husbands brought home to them from engaging in down'low behavior ? Where children are chronically ill as a result of being born to women with compromised immune systems due to that behavior ? Where women do not have the resources to sustain themselves and their families because those resources are being diverted ? You do not have the capacity to understand life from the perspective of the 'beard'. But that's okay, we know that in your reality what you do sexually doesn't matter. Because it can't. Please do try to understand that for females, what we do sexually does matter. Literally and physically. And results in children who
require familial protection from this behavior.

Why did the Annals of Internal Medicine have to issue an apology in January of 2008 for
publishing an article about the 13x higher incidence of MRSA USA 300 in gay populations in large cities ? The article projected the migration of MRSA into the general population. The information disappeared. Until last week, when an AP news article stated that 25 % of children's upper respiratory infections now test positive

[diogenes1967]

This is so troubling and so misguided on so many different levels. I pointed some of them out back further in the thread. Kaukrec has pointed out more here.

I will ask you this. Exactly what is a "heterosexual with issues?" That is not clear AT ALL. I agree with Haggard that sexuality is a complex thing. I don't know is a more acceptable (and honest) answer than what he gave.

Also, as I stated, you seem to be the one that is unable to seperate his sexuality (which is his to define) from his behavior.

[BetterAmerica]

I watched the documentary and Oprah and I really think he is gay. I think he should talk more about what happened to him as a child (his dad's employee had sex with him when he was very young). This incident helps explain why he is having these issues.
It's so sad b/c it seems like these homosexual urges are so hard to fight and he just wants to be faithful to his wife. I actually feel sorry for him. I think it really messes people up when they are molested.

[MarkInEugene]

The key point in all of this is the relentless attacks by religion on homosexuals. Ted is just another maladjusted Christian homosexual. His story is in the spotlight, but there are thousands of Ted Haggards out there with tortured minds trying to reconcile the irreconcilable. That is how can I be myself and proper gay-hating Christian? Religion has taught , and continues to teach millions to hate homosexuality and unfortunately, this is devastating to health and well being of homosexuals.

Imagine if gays and lesbians were allowed to grow up happy, content and guilt free for being gay. That is where I hope humanity is headed. That, is the solution and that is sanity! Homophobia exists no where else but in the minds of people taught to hate! That's the bloody truth and Ted and Oprah can do the entertainment thing all they want, but the bottom line is we still are too immature a culture to embrace and include our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

[larmarch5]

He said in Larry King he still has thoughts about being sexually attracted to men but doesn't act on them. To me this means he acknowledges he is gay and still wants to honor his marriage vows. This is the same as those of us who are married and straight saying we are still sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex and we don't act on those attractions in order to honor our marriage vows. Ted is gay. And that's OK. He just has to come to terms with that.

[dm10003]

the litmus test is to ask his fellow churchfolk what they have learned about his situation and about homosexuality and bisexuality. if they fail the accuracy test, haggard has failed the truth test.

[erglro]

"(He needs to say) I'm sorry...one thing I know for sure: I have issues."
-Er...he said this almost verbatim to Larry King.
But, you don't want to hear that. You'd rather spew anti-Christian hate and prejudice against someone who has reached out for understanding and FULLY apologized for the hurt he has caused.
The fact is, he and the Body of Christ are no more Anti-gay, then they are Anti-Sikh or Anti-Hindu. It is a disagreement with "practices", not orientation. I don't know what he has said in the past, but what he is saying now is pretty much exactly what you demand that he say.
What it comes down to is that people born gay, who choose live that way are gaining acceptance by society. Live and let live. But, those who choose to abstain from sex on religious grounds, or marry opposite sex partners (e.g. Ted Haggard)are the same as Christians who don't keep Kosher, or Hindus who don't take part in the Hajj. Their adherence to Scripture does not equal hate.
Hating ANYONE for any reason is Hate, and is wrong.
I hope we learn that difference does not equal denunciation. Bigots on both sides of this issue (i.e. people protesting against homosexuality at funerals ...or people saying "right wing evangelical hate zealots") need to consider their own hateful behaviour and work toward reconciling our differences in a way where we can live and love in peace.

[BobSF94117]

That's all well and good until you consider Haggard's weekly conference calls with the White House. You know, the ones where they discussed the next move in the culture wars and how to best fan the flames of bigotry to 1) elect the GOP and 2) pass constitutional amendments against same-sex marriage AND civil unions. And stop ENDA and fight the repeal of DADT, etc.

[dm10003]

the only value i am finding from these "ooooh, SO close!" brushes against the ultimate truth is that people can see what it looks like. the glances away, the scratching, the very short therapy period. he has far to go but has come far. trouble is, the distance he's come turns out to be about 1% of where he has to get. i think that is helpful to see the gravitational power of lies and false upbringing. having said that, the emotional repair he has to do for himself and others is huge. maybe too huge. he has to fix as much he can, and waste no more time with goofy labels and long-distance apologies.

[TimSledge]

Prejudice = pre-judging

My wife's gay step-son lives with us with my blessing because his father kicked him out of the house for being gay. I'm not anti-gay. I don't think people simply choose to be gay or straight.

I do think you should have watched the HBO film before writing some of your criticisms. Ted Haggard has suffered tremendously for his failures as a leader, failures which he admits. His own evangelical community abandoned him, and he continues to be demonized by "enlighted" people like yourself.

In my opinion he's struggling to reconcile what he's learned about himself in counseling with evangelical religious beliefs he's always held, something he may never be able to do. He has admited that through all the years, he received no help for his inner struggles through the church while counseling has offfered helpful insights. His journey in self-understanding isn't over.

How can you or I or anyone assess the complexities of an individual's sexuality from a distance? Haggard was sexually abused by a male adult as a child. Like many child abuse victim's, he apparently engaged in similar behavior himself with a young congregant. His victimization does not justify his behavior, but it does call for understanding.

[omo]

Unless the author of this article was herself sexually abused as a child she really does not know what she is saying. We do NOT understand how sexual abuse conditions the mind. Well, I am starting to.
Because my husband was in a man boy love relationship with a person who was also in a relationship with my husband's father. These dynamics get buried very deeply and it takes an entire lifetime to come to terms with them. I would not be the least bit surprised if Haggard's father was in a secret relationship with the employee / friend who molested Ted.

Predators consume their prey. That is why children who have been preyed upon become predators when they mature. Most of these posts show a lack of understanding and compassion for a very complex multigenerational situation. It is not Ted's fault that he doesn't fit into your vocabulary.

[procrustes]

Some fine day rationalism will return from the dim recesses of ancient history, some fine day. You give me hope for sooner than later.

[BobSF94117]

Only a few victims of sexual abuse become predators. A larger group grow up "with issues" from mild to severe. And another group grow up unscathed.

Haggard may have issues as a result of being abused, but having same-sex attraction isn't one of them. How he channels that attraction MAY be influenced. Perhaps the compulsion aspect is driven by the shame/guilt of the childhood experience.

[diogenes1967]

You know what, you need to quit this because the tenor of what you saywould lead one to assume that:
1) all gay people are sexually molested...I wasn't, and many, if not most weren't

2) You are using that to excuse his actions. Ted Haggard is over 50 years old. If he had or continues to have issues, then you do not treat the church that you serve like a gay bathhouse. Do not absolve him for the responsibility for his actions as the head of New Life Church.

[kaukerc]

Very insightful comment....very well written.

Have some patience with us. We are still working out our anger over his decades of demonizing us (and ,as it appears, himself). If Ted Haggard had any common sense, he would realize that any real future he has lies with us, the gay community. He should use his knowledge from all those years of organizing for the Christian Right to start promoting equality for all Americans...relocate himself and his family to San Fransisco and put his money where his mouth is. It may take us a while, but we would get behind him if his support was genuine.

[Billie]

Fear and repression create lives like Ted Haggard's. I think his father was a charismatic minister, so he was raised in this very strict biblical intolerant sect. Ted Haggard, despite the destructiveness of his projection of self-loathing on others, is like a child trying to get out of an emotional and psychological prison. It would be great if he could get psychotherapy from a professional who is not associated with the evangelical community...someone who would help guide this poor, confused man without the threat of punishment from father figure/God/strict intolerant community. When i heard him talk about his therapy on Oprah, it sounded to me like he was in the hands of a charlatan therapist. The blind leading the blind.

[LMPE]

"Will we see this again?" "I hope not."

Let's see here. The issue at hand is that reactionary wing-nuts rant against homosexuality...and then turn out to be gay. Something tells me that we haven't seen the last of this.

[procrustes]

A great rule of thumb applicable to all things from finance to psychology is that everything is mean-reverting. The answer to most extremes can be found in its opposite. People who rant the loudest often are desperately trying to compensate for something in themselves that they hate.

Do-gooders are very, very often people who cannot be good within the context of whatever cause they are embarked upon. Sometimes the inevolvement is good, but mostly they just stir up more chaos.

[Elle1019]

Mr. Haggard really needs to let it go and let himself be as GOD created him, whether he's gay or bisexual.

I'm expecting to hear about more evangelicals/fundies being outed, such as the likes of Bill Keller or James Dobson! Now wouldn't THAT be great!

[procrustes]

Hows the novel going? I recognize your voice--Parthenis.

[SonyaInTx]

I have no sympathy for Mrs. Haggard.

Gay or straight, cheating with multiple partners who also do street drugs leaves her and Ted vulnerable to sexually transmitted diseases. Drug use and sex leads to less awareness and use of protection from transmitting disease.

In the age of incurable or fatal disease, she should leave him for the sake of her health.