"Tell All The Drag Queens to Stay Home"
A few years back, Bill O'Reilly suggested to me that gay pride parades were a big problem for the gay rights movement. These parades shoot your movement in the foot, he told me in front of his faithful viewers one night in June (including my mother). His argument of course, is that the more "normal" we appear and behave, the lower the "ick" factor, and the greater our chances for securing equality (I hope I have the chance to talk about the "normalcy" of marriage with him sometime).
I remember thinking that O'Reilly thought I had quite a bit of power. I remember his words "your movement." MY movement. Wow. He thought I was in charge of all the gays. Hell, I can barely handle my three children -- how could I taken on 5-7-10% of the U.S. population?
Or here's a better question. How could I get all the "Dykes on Bikes" and all the drag queens on roller skates to agree to stay home? Was he expecting me to have a big meeting of all the gays? Maybe a conference call -- I suppose that would be easier than attempting to arrange for all the travel. (except of course the dykes on bikes -- they have their own transportation).
Bill, there isn't going to be any meeting. You see, the gay and lesbian community is diverse. I do not own a motorcycle. I think they are scary and dangerous. I am considering leasing the new Honda Pilot because our 13 year-old son needs more leg room. And the thought of going topless down 5th Avenue horrifies me at least as much as I believe it would horrify onlookers.
But that's just me. I feel strongly for one day a year, the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities get to celebrate who they are. It's a lot of pride and a good dose of Mardi Gras. Pride parades are moving, theatrical, hilarious and powerful -- for those who march and for those who look on. And not all of the festivities are everyone's cup of tea.
I have long argued that it is neither the drag queens nor the dykes on bikes that are the issue when it comes to Pride parades. Instead, the perception of the parade is shaped by Mr. O'Reilly's industry. God knows that a drag queen on roller skates makes for much more interesting photos and video footage than the Gay Alums of Yale or the hundreds of families who push strollers down 5th Avenue or the Gay Officers Action League, the organization of gay and lesbian law enforcement personnel in NYC.
I think it's Mr. O'Rellly who needs to call a meeting of his peeps.
As for me, I rather wish I could pull off the big gay meeting. I'd tell everyone to have fun, be proud and to be whoever they would like to be. I'd tell everyone that the parade is fun and it's important. I would ask everyone to take home at least one pamphlet from a gay organization and commit to reading it the next day. I'd remind people to be safe. And I would remind them that as they walk down 5th Avenue, they stand on the shoulders (sometimes padded) of many who walked before them. Many who walked at great risk and many who are no longer here. And I would remind them that others will follow their lead.
(PS. If O'Reilly isn't going to show the diversity of Pride Parades, I will. Send your photos along to comments@joangarry.com)
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MIlton Berle and Flip Wilson did it on their network comedy shows.
Benny HIll,
Jim Carrey on In Living Color
Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis in Some Like It Hot
Dustin Hofffman in Tootsie
Dame Edna
Kids In the Hall
Shakespeare,
The Victorian Music Halls,
Just to name a few examples of drag...
Drag is funny!
Bill O Reilly is a boring old fart.
Who care what he thinks anyway?
O'Reilly should shut up and let the kids have their fun. They're just expressing their pride. Personally, I'm organizing a Straight Pride festival for the end of the summer. We're going to have a parade with floats featuring guys dressed in suit and ties. Stuff like that. I'm so proud to be a heterosexual.
Bob:
You're probably young so let me explain the historical reason why there are Gay Pride parades AT ALL. You see, back a long time ago, possibly before you were born and when I was certainly very young, one could find oneself arrested for being *in a bar* known to be a hang-out for gays or lesbians. One could be committed to a mental institution and forced to undergo electroshock therapy. One of the more brilliant minds of the 20th century, a guy named Alan Turing, to whom all of us who use computers and who also did not grow up under Nazi or Imperial Japanese rule owe a debt of gratitude, died in a London jail in the 1950's. His crime? Having sex with another consenting adult who happened to also be male. Now, perhaps such a circumstance strikes you as the right, proper and natural order of things. If such is the case, there is very little I or anyone else can say to you.
Thought folks might need to know.
Oh and by the way, EVERYDAY is straight pride day. However, let me know the first time you lose your job, your kids, your housing or are beaten up because you are straight. I'll stand with you and speak out in your defense. No, no worries, I don't expect reciprocity.
Cheers
LF
Ah...I think Bob was being sarcastic about the hetero parade.
Nevertheless, it is always good to have a reminder about WHY pride parades are so important. And, additionally - they are ridiculously fun! Chicago had a downpour yesterday, but that just gave everyone an extra reason to get all wet! :) Happy Pride, everyone!
And PS - Alan Turing unfortunately died from suicide after ingesting a cyanide-laced apple, some time after his criminal prosecution. He is one of many who made that terrible decision because our society put him in a terrible place due to his sexual orientation.
That "whoosh" you may have heard was the sound of the joke going over your humorless head.
Excellent article and thanks. I was very suprised at how similar your views are to mine. To Bill O and the rest who share his view . These parades are just one way of trying to get folks like you to treat us "Equal under the law" without discrimination or violence.
If our sexuality didn't matter in the first place noone would have to come out or stay closeted, there would be no need for pride parades, and there wouldn't be any issues to discuss.
Just because Bill O's general approach to things is repulsive doesn't mean that there isn't an occasional moment of truth.in it.
When I think of all the coverage of Gay Marriages here in California in the last couple of weeks what I think has been the most helpfull are those that show that single-sex couples really just want the same things from their marriages as straight people--a loving, legal, and committed relationship that is accepted as equal in the fabric of society. That they are not looking at making a surreal mockery of the traditions that society holds dear. By comparison the typical Gay Pride parade has front and center (or at least certainly getting the most air time on the news) those that are most interested in appearing to be a mockery of societal norms.
There are a great many straight kinks out there, but could you imagine anybody having a 'straight pride parade' where all the pedophiles and S&M and B&D and fetishists and hookers and johns and married couples who have only missionary position twice a month all cheered each other on to 'celebrate the great variety of the straight lifestyle'
That sounds like an idea, get all your gay friends together and we will build the floats, make the costumes and get your coreography together! But one question, when where and in whose universe are pedophiles on the same footing with S&M, B/D, fetishists ( be honest, we all have a few) or married couples who are just doing their thing and trying to get by like the rest of us? good Lord even teh hookers are trying to make a living. No one should be so debased as to be likened to pedophiles.
Your comment was really enlightening until your last paragraph. How can you associate henious criminals like pedophiles with law abiding citizens who enjoy a little legal kink. You might as well have included rapists in that little list of straight folks and that is just disgusting.
The pride parades are definetly an attempt to mock scoietal norms. After all who wouldn't want to mock people who would deprive any citizen of their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Most all GLBT's want out of life is to live peacefully and privately and to be treated equally.
Bottom line is if there was no discrimination and repercussions from being GLBT, or kinky and not criminal, there would be no issues.
But the straight folk lump in the pedophiles and other assorted perverts into just about every discussion of gays, bestiality being one of their favorites! "If two men can marry, what next, marrying my dog?" Stuff like that. So why shouldn't we lump all the perverts in with the "regular" straight folk? Isn't it part of your own diversity? If not, then why is it part of ours?
Pedophilia is not a "straight lifestyle," it's a crime. I WISH those folks would have a march -- "straight" to the police station to turn themselves in.
Yes, but the pedophiles think of themselves that way. Humanity's gift of self-rationalization is nearly boundles.
DRaymond said:
"There are a great many straight kinks out there, but could you imagine anybody having a 'straight pride parade' where all the pedophiles and S&M and B&D and fetishists and hookers and johns and married couples who have only missionary position twice a month all cheered each other on to 'celebrate the great variety of the straight lifestyle'"
With that I have to ask; DRaymond have you ever heard of, or been to a Mardi Gras or Carnivale parade?
I know the answer is NO because if you had you would never have made such an ignorant and misinformed statement.
Mr. O should talk to HIS people and tell all the disgusting, and scary and horrid ones amongst them to stay inside so as not to offend ME! Himself included.
Drag queens don't offend me, but idiocy of his type sure as hell does. He should be kept out of sight so he doesn't effect our view of straight America! OH...too late.
I hope that all who marched in NY and SFO had a wonderful time...for years I marched happily in the NY parade, but found that the event had become unwieldy...plus I hate huge crowds! So it's not just this parade, but any large public event that gives me the willies...too much pushing and shoving...and unfortunately, I have seen too many trampled in the interim...not fun.
Despite that, I do not deny my gay brothers and sisters the joy and celebration they wish to have. Hope you all had a blast!
Hey, dress as you want; march as you want; whatever floats your boat. But don't be surprised when the vast, ignorant middle of america recoils at the news footage of drag queens and leather queens and the like. To expect anything else is silly.
Well, since many of us have been rejected by our parents, friends, even churches for just being gay, why in the world would we give a damn about what the "vast, ignorant middle of america" thinks?
I can never understand why people flinch at the queens in drag or leather.
I had a gay friend tell me he stopped going to the NYC parade after he saw a float from rentboy.com, so it's not only the vast, ignorant middle of america who are offended by some of the participants in the march...still, as Ms. Garry so aptly notes, the community is extremely diverse, and as no one African American can speak for that broad community, no one GLBT can speak for ours. That's why O'Reilly and his clowns can get real with the "your movement" BS...imagine saying that to African Americans...deeply offensive to think we all fall in lockstep with one another.
ANOTHER excellent reason why people should leave Pride Parades alone. Where else is there for P-FLAG to march to show their support of their gay and lesbian sons and daughters?
It's complicated and it depends on one's experience in life. All the shock and lore pride parades, that blur called gay culture, and the endless gray in the so called gay community have very little to do with my experience.
The essence, the joy, the reason I'm gay had nothing to do with all that peripheral stuff. It was just love going in the wrong direction to most and something so beautiful and right to me. Cultures, communities and parades don't have much to do with the essence of homosexuality which is simply a rare and often feared love!
I just wish they'd put the Dykes on Bikes at the END of the parade, so everybody would walk faster...
:D
Iv lived a cool life-I'm Gay. Gay Pride day is a liability. I lived a very hetro life..happily for years---I was not proud of it--it was just me. No more proud than the fact I have Brown hair. I was born Gay--I was born with Brown hair.
I got in touch with my Gay roots and was disappointed with the LACK of pride. As is my habit--I attacked it with a vengeance. Then chilled. Then realized how much confusion there is in the Gay Community. JEEZ.
I now realize why women used to say -------MEN, !!!!!!!!. Men are the weaker of the sexes and a tad bit of a mess. I watch the show , but don't take part
Gay Pride Marches turn into the reason Gays get Blasted. Those that cry "Stereotype" the loudest, tend to create it and keep it alive--------that is true for all minority's
You're obviously very conflicted.
and you're obviously very judgmental.
We think it's terrible people judge other people by their sexual orientation when there's so much more to judge them by. As Barbra Streisand sang, PEOPLE NEEDING OTHER PEOPLE ARE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
The Playdo Institute
Handel Glassberg, President
We think drag queens should march. Everyone should march! America is a nation of oppressed, persecuted, misunderstood minorities. March on, America!
The Playdo Institute,
Handel Glassberg, President
As a proud homo let me just say that I have marched in parades all over the place, NYC, DC, NC, Toronto and over the years this 40 year old guy thinks that it is time to put away the tiara's, the heels and the feather boa's.
If we cannot take our movement seriously how can we expect mainstream to take us seriously? I have news for our community De Nile is a river in Egypt. We will never achieve equal rights if we cannot act like we have just a little dignity and self respect. Life is not one big party or joke.
25 years ago I felt the same way. That was many lost friends ago, a beating by two police officers and experiencing the destructive force of internalized homophopia first hand in personal relationships. Life should be one big party and a profound sense of humor is absolutely necessary to survive it. As Emma Goldman said, 'If I can't dance...' The dance has as many different meanings as there are people. I've known drag queens, Radical Phaeries, and gay folks with so many tattoos and piercings that they looked like human pin cushions. And they had enormous dignity and self respect.
It sounds as your personal denial is palpable.
HuffPost's Pick
Great post. People seem to want everyone to fit into a neat mold and meet their expectations of acceptability. Not gonna happen. The whole gay pride/parade movement was meant to show this. It was those so-called "icky" drag queens some straights and gays loathe that stood up to fascist cops back in '69. They showed dignity in spades clad in their heels and pearls. They were fighting also the queens who both then and now want to fade into the woodwork and be boringly conformist.
What you don't realize, or perhaps don't remember, is that we WERE more serious when there were more drag queens and "weirdos" in the parades, when they were just as much protest marches as festivals. Of course, that was before the corporate types realized they could sponsor us into submission (and not the good kind).
Historical note: the Stonewall bar, where the original gay pride revolt against cops rounding up the usual gay suspects, was a drag bar. So pride parades at the end of June commemorating this event would be amazingly hypocritical if they told the drag queens to get back in the closet.
So much revisionist history about the Stonewall. The Stonewall was NOT a drag queen bar. It was two stories of white boys who lived in the Village, circa 1960s. It had none of the East Side oh so smart attiude, nor none of the hypermacho attitude of the Village leather bars. No drag queens would have been allowed into the place. There were no trannies running around NYC during this time either, least of all in the West Village.
The pc revisionists are in full force about that hot muggy June night. The reality of a bunch of average, somewhat masculine white guys being fed up with cops raiding a bar is the truth, even if somewhat more boring. There were no kum-buy-ah moments--at least not the first night. This rewriting of history to suit political agendas may make for better theatrics, a necessity to some, but is stunningly inaccurate and manipulative for reasons that are totally self serving and stupid.
Many moons ago I was in a roomful of people-- all straight, progressive types-- with a TV turned on to local news.
There was a story about some Gay Pride event during the Queer Nation heyday, with Queer Nation members dressed to (and beyond) the nines chanting, "We're Queer! We're Here!" They came off as disconcertingly grotesque to a naïve viewer.
That said, I was surprised that a wave of repugnance swept the room. Some took the "pragmatic" view that gays will never "win acceptance" by carrying on like THAT. Then one woman finally declared that in HER opinion, people only "chose" a gay lifestyle to "avoid responsibility", so that they could spend their money pampering themselves instead of raising a family!
The conversation moved on, and I quietly picked up my jaw from the floor and reattached it. This person was not a fundie, or uneducated; she WAS (responsibly) married with children, and generally seemed to have her head on straight. TOO straight, obviously.
I remember that fleeting moment because a few years later, her daughter came out. Fotunately, mom's understanding had evolved by then. But obviously many still hold the condescending position voiced by that group watching the news, which has of course applied to other minorities throughout US history: if gay people ACTED right, and didn't GO OUT OF THEIR WAY to freak out decent, normal folk, "we" could at least TOLERATE them.
And they feel that this is overall a generous and liberal position. Eek.
And this is why Pride Parades MUST continue. If they aren't "in your face" then they cannot serve as a corrective. It's the fringes that bring out those prejudices into the open by provoking them. Unless those beliefs are voiced in the open light of day, they can't be challenged.
Krikket's petulance underscores the impracticality of "in-your-face-ism." A huge portion of the population don't care one way or the other about LGBT issues. They're indifferent--and if you think taunting and annoying them with intentionally offputting demonstrations is going to bring them on board to assist the 5-7-10% of the population to whom such things matter, you've got it exactly backwards. You are pushing them off the fence into the land of the opposition. Good luck with that.
o'reilly spoke at my friends journalism school (columbia) when she was getting her masters. he called her and her fellow classmates "pinheads". these students are the best and the brightest our country has. he's a disrespectful jerk. they all just laughed at what an a-hole the guy is. i wouldn't respond too much to him, as it gives his idiotic comments and ideas traction. just ignore.....
and march proudly!
as a heterosexual woman in my 40s, i can say that in my opinion, there's nothing like a pride parade!!!
Amazing isn't it? I served in the Navy 6 years, every male member in my family has served in the military all the way back to WWI. Big O and his conservative ilk likes to say that our service men and women are the "best and brightest". Just tells me he never served. There are many great people in the service, but this countries BRIGHTEST are at Harvard and Yale, Caltech and MIT, not running around the desert with an M16.
Oh, I am entirely with you! Best times ever!
If offends me when straight people tell us how we're supposed to behave. I'm not a drag queen but I'm not an ex-jocko frat boy type either - instead I'm who I am. We've been arguing amongst ourselves over who gets to be publically gay and who should hide themselves away. I thought we decided everyone gets to play about the time we added the B and T to our communal name.
Giving Mr. O the benefit of the doubt, perhaps he doesn't know the history of Stonewall or that it was about drag queens fighting back. But, ignorance is no excuse. How dare he tell us to celebrate Pride by being ashamed our our Sistren, Brethren and Otheren.
Thank you, Geoffreys. No GLBT should ever be ashamed. Many of us had spent our youth feeling like we were less than human thanks to the cruelty of other kids and equally contemptuous adults.
We had had enough, and that's how the parade/pride movement got its impetus. There will never be a return to the bad old days.
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