Mayor Bloomberg's new, controversial Chancellor Cathie Black may not be an education wonk, but when the former Hearst chief is put on the masthead of the New York City public school system, look for her to beef up the curriculum.
Black's vast experience overseeing Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Esquire, Good Housekeeping, Harper's Bazaar, O, The Oprah Magazine, Town & Country, Food Network Magazine, House Beautiful and Popular Mechanics makes her the perfect person to bring our kids up to speed next season.
Here are a few samples of Black's future homework assignments:
ENGLISH: Before you sit down to write a profile on Lady Gaga, you must query the teacher to see if anyone has beaten you to the punch with the same idea. Of course, teacher's pets will have first dibs on celebs. Your piece will be graded on an accept/kill basis.
AMERICAN HISTORY: Compare and contrast Eleanor Roosevelt's wardrobe with Sarah Palin's.
MATH: If Seraphina has three glazed donuts for lunch, how many laps will she have to take around the gym to burn off the calories?
GEOGRAPHY: Which vacation hot spot is closer to Moscow? Portofino or Wasilla?
SCIENCE: Dig up 101 things you should know about Pluto.
HEALTH: Practice four fun ways to stay a virgin.
ARTS: Eco jewelry - the rage! Find out how to make glam gifts for the holidays.
SPELLING: Memorize the following words for tomorrow's test: Faux, Botox, exfoliant, rehab, megapixel, armoire, pizzazz.
If you think the budget won't be able to handle Chancellor Black's plan to take "no child left behind" field trips to Cabo, no worries. Annie Leibovitz is already shooting Ralph Lauren ads for the school papers.