I always thought that Mickey Mouse should be the mascot for America -- smart, sassy, and enterprising.
At other times, most recently, I thought it should be Goofy. Now, the choice is clear: it is to be Big Bird. Earnest but silly. Overgrown. Endearing in a childish way.
In fact, fuzzy Big Bird should probably replace American Bald Eagle as our national symbol. And perhaps every main street, in every American town, should be renamed Sesame Street. Why not?
This is what it's come to.
For weeks, I feared that the campaign was going to get nasty; now, it has just turned puerile. Big Bird is getting more attention, more media coverage, more Tweets than the candidates themselves. He has become a national icon, a symbol.
Remember, a nation always needs a symbol: hammer and sickle, shamrock, fleur-de-lys, swastika. America now has a big yellow bird.
That might not be so bad. A big yellow bird would not send bird-drones into the sky. He would not throw other birds out of their nest, and gobble up their birdseed. He would feather his own nest, hatch his own eggs, and leave other birds to warble in peace.
He might, like snowbirds, migrate to warmer climates in the winter, but he will always come back. Swallows to Capistrano, Big Bird to Washington.
I don't think Walt Disney himself could have thought up a more appropriate character for our times.
Big Bird for president!