Hillary and the Unfeminine Mystique

I would have loved to vote for America's first woman president. But it wasn't meant to be.

Hillary Clinton, the woman who could have made history, simply let me down.

She let me down five years ago when she voted for the war in Iraq. And she let me down all these years since, by never repudiating her vote or apologizing for her mistake.

She let me down -- and lost my respect -- by continually using the pronoun "I". "I'll be ready the first day in office." "I'll be the one to answer the phone at 3 a.m." Like some egomaniac, she seemed to forget that there are 300 million other people in this country.

Barack Obama didn't forget this. His most-used pronoun is "we". While Clinton billed herself as a one-woman act, Obama focused on the ensemble, on plurality, unity and cooperation, That's not showmanship -- that's statesmanship.

And Clinton's favorite verb? "Fight." Thanks, babe -- that's what they're doing over in Iraq, and in Afghanistan, and in Lebanon, and in too many places around the globe. I don't want a fighter in the White House; I want a peacemaker.

As an active feminist all my life, I see exactly where Clinton went wrong. She was using the old paradigm: To beat them (the men) you've got to be like them. Tough, aggressive, pragmatic. But what a difference it would have made if her campaign had employed some "feminine" qualities: compassion, conciliation, generosity.

She must have taken Margaret Thatcher as her role model. She should have copied Golda Meir instead, who was known to greet foreign dignitaries in her housedress, and brew them a cup of tea in her kitchen.

I do, of course, sympathize with Hillary's marital predicament. As many wives discover, a husband can be both a help and a hindrance, an embellishment or an embarrassment. I think she would have been a lot wiser to leave hubby home, tending the lawn in Chappaqua.

Most likely, Hillary herself will not be willing to return home next year and take up domestic chores. Nor should she. She will make a fine elder stateswoman. Chastened by this campaign, she may yet become a mellow voice of reason, of tolerance, of understanding, of moral rectitude and responsibility.

She is finished running with the wolves. Now it's time to lick her wounds and be a woman again.

Comments

[smoothdogie]

I find it telling that you identify as masculine the characteristics of tough, aggressive, and pragmatic and the characteristics of compassion, conciliation, and generosity as feminine. What a crock.

I also take issue with the idea that somehow Hillary is going to mature into some kind of elder stateswoman of her party. Hillary is 60 years old. She has been a combative and divisive force for her entire political career. That is not going to change. What you see is what you get. Shes just gonna get older and meaner.

[lawchic]

Of all the things that has frustrated me about HRC's campaign is her willingness to "act like a man" to get votes. Some of the things she didn't say directly, i.e. the testicular fortitude, making Rocky look like a pansy, she has 3 balls, etc. But she let her male surrogates push that line instead of shutting them up.

Despite what polls/pundits are saying, I had my doubts about HRC way back when because of her vote for the Iraq war. I realize that some of her supporters say that she shouldn't be held responsible for it, and that she was misled, and it was a very emotional time because she represents NY, but that's the point isn't it? I don't expect perfection from my leaders, but at least be humble enough to admit that you made a mistake. And so far she hasn't. She has cast the blame on others--which is her right, but in my mind it weakens her credibility.

Also, why didn't some woman in her staff tell her to quit saying that she was a fighter, and wouldn't back down from a fight? Hasn't anyone noticed that the main reason Congress can't get anything accomplished is because all of the fighting? I don't know, from the beginning, I have said that HRC got a bum rap, but as this campaign season has progressed, most of her problems are of her own making.

[lotuslike]

great post!

[athenasword]

Great post. I am so darn tired of all the "fighters". I'd love to replace them all with diplomats, peace-makers, problem-solvers, thinkers and LEADERS!

[zull2]

What a difference it would have made if 1. They didn't live and die by polls. 2. Took the high road and refused to assassinate the character of other Democratic candidates. 3. Spent their money much more carefully and targeted their attacks on the presumptive Republican nominee. 4. Treated the other candidates in the debates as equals, instead of treating them from the start as "also-rans". 5. Told her husband to focus solely on explaining her policy to people, and barred him from making any personal attacks against any other candidate.

If she had done those 5 things, she would be the nominee easily. Those are the primary reasons why a lot of the liberal talk show hosts have been complaining about in regards to Clinton for the past several months, and because Obama has more or less followed that path, he has widely gotten praise from those folks and that has motivated a lot of people. Besides, people don't need some talking head for them to see through the crappy campaign that Clinton has run. If she ran a country the way she ran that campaign, this country would fall apart at the seams.

[FZliveson]

Bless you, woman (and all women) for how you stated the situation.
It galls me when I hear blanket accusations by feminists of men. I truly wanted Hillary to be the WOMAN who deserved the White House. She is not. You stated the facts clearly and beautifully, with one exception. I have my doubts that Bill Clinton strayed SOLELY because of his own inadequacies. I think Hillary is so damn masculine and un-nurturing as a woman, that Bill had to go elsewhere for what he "needed."(­He is a huge jerk in his own right...le­t's be clear about that.

Yet the net value of your article is to demonstrate Hillary's failure to be a feminine influence on the political process. That's clear. I only hope that Katherine Sibelius is not what should represent women in politics because her rebuttal to W's state of the union address put me to sleep and made me scared that she might someday be higher up on the totem-pole of political clowns. I'd rather see Rachel Maddows, Oprah or even Cindy Sheehan.

[Independent voter]

You article is well conceived - but hillary also failed to demonstrate several other gender-indepdendent qualities: truthfulness, openness, a consistent point of view. Instead we got triangulation, obfuscation, outright lies and hateful attacks as in the following example:

"I think that I have a lifetime of experience that I will bring to the White House. I know Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he gave in 2002."

[KarateKid]

Good article from a wise woman. And there are some already on the horizon, Kathleen Sebelius and Janet Napolitano, to name two, and there will be more. I am confident that in my lifetime there will be not only an African American, but a female President as well.

But in both cases, it can't be just any African American or female. It has to be on merit, and it has to be someone special, just as Jackie Robinson was when he was selected to break the color barrier in baseball.

And because there will be many doubters, it has to be someone who will unify, not divide. This was Hillary's biggest mistake.

[ThatSharkeyGeezer]

HRC: ready to triangulate, pander and dodge imaginary sniper fire on day one!

[proudliberal4truth]

As a male, but a lifelong supporter of women's rights, I must tell you her gender had nothing to do with my decision to support Obama. In the beginning, I was staunchly behind Hillary, but after she moved ALL the way to the political right to attract...­who? I was turned off. Progressives all over this country were looking for real leadership for OUR agenda of peace, economic prosperity, national pride, human rights awareness and caring for our poorest, oldest, youngest and most in need. Hillary never addressed those things we hold dear. Instead she was consistently ready to "fight", "obliterate", and otherwise be a part of the vast right-wing conspiracy!

[arkgrfx61]

Ms. Shore, I agree w/ you wholeheartedly.
A woman does not have to BE a man to get ahead - but she does have to be real...she has to be comfortable in her skin.
A confident woman isn't one who panders, but who says what she feels to be right but can admit when she is wrong.
I find Senator Clinton lacking in ALL of the above traits.

I hope to see a woman president in my lifetime - but this is not the one I want.

[prdamericanmom]

You took the words right out of my brain. I thought it was sad that she would change so many things about herself (even down to accents!) in order to get votes. In this day and age of technology, it isn't hard to get the news from other cities and states, so she couldn't possibly think that others wouldn't notice. Seriously, what could be so wrong with who she is on a normal basis that she would resort to trying to be everything to everyone?

I think it all boils down to character, and to see so many different sides (not knowing which one is the real Hillary) made it that much harder to vote for her, IMHO.

[dr4Will]

woman have shown how cowardly they are--they support a black man before another women--you have proven how weak females are and how easily led they are--you should be proud of your cowardly ways!!!

[mouselion]

According to you, thinking for yourself and voting your conscience equals cowardice. Voting for a politician who has the same gender as you somehow equals nobility. Methinks you got it backwards, doc.

[lotuslike]

yikes!!!!

[live]

are you serious or have you just lost it?
I vote wisely based on what is best for me and what is best for the country i love
I would never vote for a woman just because she is a woman HIllary is a jerk and bad for the country

As a feminist i WOULD NEVER become a racist. IT IS THE SAME THING> you are abusing the rights of another human being based on externals.
I have suffered as a woman why on earth would i do that to another human being
or more to the point why are you?

Good luck with McCain his record takes women's rights back to the dark ages. Hope you like being barefoot and pregnant with a low paying job
See what being a racist brings your way in losing hard fought women's rights-they will disappear

[Roses]

What!? We're women.....­... not idiot zombies.
Obama '08

[Angelaaaa]

Feminism has always been about the right person for the job. Sometimes that person is not a woman. Thankfully, genuine feminists have the intelligence and courage to make that decision. In a job as important as this one, the right person regardless of gender, race or demographic background is of paramount and sometimes, hearbreaking, concern. None of us make these choices lightly and neither we should.

[Lazslo]

I agree with Joan. It never made sense to me that Clinton would emphasize how masculine she is. If I wanted a president that was masculine, I would vote for a man and get the real article, not vote for a woman making every effort to show people how much like a man she is. Just never made sense to me, but maybe that kind of thing makes sense to other people. In an election about change, she should have emphasized strengths that were native to her gender, i.e. intelligence, sensitivity, experience in women's issues, etc. That would be real change, one that I would have liked to have the option to vote for.

[lisakaz2]

I hate the presumption that a female has to "run with da boys" for office, as if that's the only way to win. I think other female politicians (gov/senate) show that not to be the case. I don't consider it "glass ceiling" if HRC has to play some hard-nosed, say-anything and use her husband's power to the hilt to get her way. Did I miss that part of the Feminist Bible? Where did it say I had to marrry someone powerful to get ahead?

[Roses]

No where; women have been doing just that for centuries. Well said.
Obama '08

[Roses]

Thank you for this very thoughtful post. These are my thoughts exactly. Accusations of "sexism" are made by uninformed people who are not self-aware. I am old enough to have seen the beginning of the womens' movement and young enough to have been involved in its evolution.
In the beginning were the women who felt it was necessary to "out-masculine" men so they could succeed in the work-place. They were probably right at the time in the 60s-70s, women had thousands of years of patriarchy to fight against. My older sisters are part of this generation. They are either pro-Hillary or ambivalent. Then feminism has evolved to recognize the very positive aspects of the feminine. It is not sexism to define and celebrate femininity. Those that cannot see this, need to take a good look at themselves as women.
My daughters are the lucky ones. They accept as givens that women offer something of great importance and great value. Unfortunately, even though Hillary is an admirable woman she is still stuck in the fight. It has nothing to do with old-fashioned ideas of manipulation, it has to do with assertiveness and judgement.
Obama '08

[Ermasdaughter]

I'm sorry but I have to say this: What in the Sam Hill is so wonderful about Hillary Clinton? People speak about this women as though she's done great things when at best she's jumped on poll-driven issues with a "i agree' approach to selling it to the American People - frequently not even thinking about the implications. Name one thing that she's done that's been so wonderful to deserve this adulation she's getting? When Cookie Roberts said on this weeks Meet the Press that she's being terribly disrespected and we need to be careful to make sure she's allowed to end this campaign with dignity I almost screamed at my own television!

She didn't run her campaign with dignity and respect! I'm not suggesting that she be disrespected but the backlash she's experiencing is mostly of her own doing. It's the 'heat in the kitchen" she's been bragging about being so comfortable with.

Ms. Rove in a Pantsuit has lied and race/gender baited and pandered her way to exactly where she deserves to be.

Nowhere. The American people deserve so much better....­.

We need real leaders now and HRC has shown herself to be anything but.

[Roses]

Hillary Clinton is admirable because she was able to make it her position as Democratic candidate because she has had to fight her way practically all the way. Her judgements and analysis have not been admirable of late (to put it mildly), but her early years show a young woman who was very intelligent and brave because she had so much against her. I wouldn't ever diminish her accomplishments, though some of her supporters are way off-base. She just would make an awful president. She has shown how her judgements and words are not to be relied on.
Obama '08

[Ermasdaughter]

While I do agree with your assessment of 'her early years' I respectfully say: so have a lot of women. Women do extraordinary things all the time - the list is long and deep. And many of those courageous women have gone on to build a platform of positive reform for women and minorities in general - that cannot be said for HRC.

I think when you hang your sign out to say "I should be President because I've done extraordinary things that makes me uniquely prepared for the job" you had better be able to back that up. And women, like most minorities, have to really be on top of their game to make those kinds of statements lest we all be painted with the bad brush of incompetence or perceived inequality.

I resent the mangled mess of her campaign, both as a women and as a minority. She's done more harm than good in this campaign. And while I was prepared to vote for her, should the nomination come to that, I would have been sick about it.

The country deserves much much better.

[GoodGuysandBadGuys]

"I don't want a fighter in the White House; I want a peacemaker­."

Thank you! I couldn't agree more. the whole "I'm a fighter" thing is just ridiculous.