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Joanne Bamberger

Joanne Bamberger

Posted: June 29, 2009 05:39 PM

Jenny Sanford -- The Political Spouse Role Model for My Daughter

What's Your Reaction:

Personally, I couldn't care less about the personal "antics" of so many politicians these days. It's not really important to my life how people like South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford characterizes "adventure travel."

What does bother me a lot, though, is the money shot we so often see of the wives of philandering politicians -- standing by the side of their husbands, trying to show solidarity and the apparently elusive family values that so many of them talk about before they get caught doing something, well, not so family values-like.

Why do I care? Because sooner rather than later, my nine-year-old daughter is going to start watching more news and she'll see these women who have decided that even though their husbands have done something terrible to them, and to their families, there is still an obligation to stick with them. Personal decisions aside, it just seems that visual is the rule rather than the exception, these days. And the message it sends to our kids is that it's okay for husbands to wander and that wives will still stick around, regardless of how badly they've been betrayed.

That is, until Jenny Sanford.

You had to guess that there was something up with the story of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his quick "decision" to change his trip from the Appalachian Trail to Buenos Aires! When the truth came out, as it always does, it was refreshing not to see his wife at his side, silently condoning what he'd done and the lies he had told.

That's the example I want my daughter to see. Not that there isn't a time and place for forgiveness, but I hate it when these Masters of the Universe get caught and we have to see their wives standing next to them, telling the world implicitly that what happened was okay.

Jenny Sanford is the example I want our children to learn from. She's a strong woman in her own right, apparently gave her husband a chance to make things right when she learned about his affair and when he didn't, there was no big scene -- she just did what she knew she had to do for herself, her children and her own life.

Jenny Sanford was apparently instrumental in making Mark Sanford the political success he is today. According to the Washington Post, when asked about what the South Carolina governor was going to do now without her advice, she responded:

"His career is not a concern of mine. ... He's going to have to worry about that. I'm worried about my family and the character of my children."
That's a pretty refreshing response from a political spouse these days. It's given me hope that in the future there will be space for the aggrieved spouse ('cause you know it's going to happen again) to choose something other than the "standing by your man" photo op and sending a message that sometimes it's better to do what's right for your own life, regardless of the political consequences.


Joanne Bamberger writes about the intersection of politics and motherhood at her place, PunditMom. You can also find her at BlogHer, where she is a contributing editor for News & Politics, and on Twitter @PunditMom. Her book about the growing trend of mothers' involvement in politics and social activism is scheduled to be published by Bright Sky Press in Fall 2010.

 

Follow Joanne Bamberger on Twitter: www.twitter.com/PunditMom

Personally, I couldn't care less about the personal "antics" of so many politicians these days. It's not really important to my life how people like...
Personally, I couldn't care less about the personal "antics" of so many politicians these days. It's not really important to my life how people like...
 
 
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This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
03:22 PM on 07/03/2009
Personally, I think Jenny Sanford would make a terrible role model for your daughter - the woman's completely clueless!
As Hawaii5-0 points out, there has obviously been a serious lack of communication between her and her husband, which she's yet to acknowledge and she'd rather quote from the Bible rather than look at what's really wrong.
While not excusing Mark Sanford's conduct in any way, if he's now describing his girlfriend as his "soul mate", she's clearly fulfilling some emotional need in him that was never addressed during 20 years of marriage, but Mrs Sanford seems totally incapable of accepting this, let alone being willing to address it.
Wake up lady!
07:28 AM on 07/03/2009
I forgot to mention that the groveling would have to be done on national TV in Primetime.
07:22 AM on 07/03/2009
I think this was written a little prematurely. The luv guv has gone on and on about his tragic love affair and how he can die happy because he found his soul-mate and he blows off steam by getting physical with other women (that includes everything but intercourse-the ultimate line) and oh, yeah, almost forgot to mention he will "try" to fall back in love with the missus.

I've seen no groveling. I would have to see a LOT more groveling. Only then would I tell him to go to hell, er, I mean your soul-mate. I'd counsel my daughter to do the same.
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Hawaii5-0
03:05 PM on 07/01/2009
None of will ever know what really happened btwn Mark and Jenny. Some marriages survive one spouse cheating and become stronger as a result. When they realize that lack of communications btwn them and rectify that. If the couple have drifted apart, then both are responsible for that part. A large part may be a lesson for Sanford for his condemnation of Clinton and claims to be a man of "Christian" values. Perhaps ALL politicians who make that claim should be investigate immediately.

Let them work it out. It's easy to pass judgment and "kick him to the curb." That is an admission of failure and some people might want to save the marriage if it's worth saving.
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jeanrenoir
09:18 PM on 06/30/2009
Jenny Sanford is an interesting contrast with Elizabeth Edwards. I'm a liberal Dem, but I much prefer Sanford to Edwards as a "role model" of how to deal with a cheating spouse in the glare of the mass media. I doubt that Jenny will be hawking a book about her pain and doing the talk show circuit to push it. Jenny's been a perfect model of Old School class, whereas Elizabeth has been a perfect model of New School narcissistic self-promotion. She's as in love with the spotlight as her totally self-absorbed husband.
09:47 PM on 06/30/2009
I agree that Jenny Sanford has behaved in a totally approriate way. However, let's all remember that that's a lot harder to do with Stage 4 cancer, and two young children who, in the end, will be living with their father.
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05:14 PM on 06/30/2009
Jenny Sanford aside. If people want arole model for their children. Then be one.
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mlaiuppa
Pres. Sarcasm Society. Like we need your approval.
04:39 PM on 06/30/2009
Jenny Sanford wasn't the first to be absent from the money shot.

But I wouldn't call her a role model either. Unless you want your daughter to accept that her future husband will cheat on her, repeatedly, and she is to just roll over and 'save her marriage' for the sake of the kids. Yeah, that's real healthy for them.
Chauncey1186
EMAILGATE!!!
04:19 PM on 06/30/2009
Okay, here we go again...now he's talking about "a handful of women" and how Maria is his "soul mate" but he's "trying to fall in love again" with his wife??

How long is Mrs. S. going to continue to enable this narcissist? If she sticks with him after these little revelations (which I'm sure she already knew about) then, yes, they will be making doormats with her picture on them - great role model!
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johnnygoodwud
03:21 PM on 06/30/2009
wow,,,,,,,,,,,,,'i'll try and love my wife again'. that would be the last straw for me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,kick him to the curb where he belongs.
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CTtransplant
We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow
01:45 PM on 06/30/2009
I sincerely admire and truly respect the woman for taking the stand she did...she handled it perfectly! It was refreshing to see Jenny Sanford do what is RIGHT, and not what is politically expedient!
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01:34 PM on 06/30/2009
Oh, please. She completely enabled him for years, and apparently with more than one mistress. The only reason she's different is that she showed a tad more spine when it all went public-- but she's still planning on "rescuing" their marriage, such as it is. God forbid my daughter becomes a doormat like this woman, even if it's a bit bristlier than most.
12:58 PM on 06/30/2009
I agree. I hate seeing women humiliated on national TV and pretending that it's OK. I felt the same way about Hillary when Bill cheated. Jenny gave him the option to fix it, he went to South America. I say leave him and take him for everything you can.
09:49 PM on 06/30/2009
Hillary did not stand next to Bill for his Monica apology, remember?
12:34 PM on 06/30/2009
Check this link out. Of all the women who have stood by their man...

http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/29/madoff-sanford-wives-forbes-woman-power-women-affairs.html
11:38 AM on 06/30/2009
If her husband had had any character, he would have gone to his wife before this affair had started and explained he had fallen in love with another woman. That would have been the honorable thing to do but no he tried to have his cake and eat it too. If he hadn't been caught like a kid with his hand in the cookie jar, he would have never confessed.

I did not like him before he was caught, I surely don't care for him now. The fact that he was so prideful, he could not even say he lied to his staff about his wherabouts; he created a fiction. That sound's like a lie. He was so hot to trot, he did not even have a clue what was going on in his state.
So what if he had been president, would he have left the country in the learch while he was getting his rocks off with a married woman.

I think we should start looking more to women to run for governor and other positions in the government. They seem to be able to keep their pants on alot more than the men.

Who knows, maybe Jenny Sanford will run for governor and boot his behind out the door. His political career is toast.
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mcthfg
10:39 AM on 06/30/2009
You're not serious.

She stayed with her racist, sexist, philandering husband for how long? She's power hungry, just like all of them.