Going to Pick Some Greens: An Online Dating Profile

04/07/2015 06:02 pm ET | Updated Jun 07, 2015
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It had been four years since I had last joined a dating site. Having had some questionable and unusual experiences on four different sites between 2006 and 2010, I became familiar with the general formats and the process behind "dating" online. After a while, it all seemed to be redundant, never really connecting with anyone who is "tailored" to me. So I returned to my old way of thinking, just leaving it up to chance that one day serendipity would blindfold me and cause me to bump into him... you know... the one...

What I hadn't stopped to consider before recently was that the same principle about expecting to win the lottery without buying a ticket could be applied to any new thing I desire to attract into my life. Even with "serendipity" there's a matter of stepping out of the comfort of my home and happening to be at the same store at the same time as him, the one. So the reality is that we share at least one thing in common: we shop at the same store.

Well, I thought, why not give online dating another shot at proving its merits to me? However, because I'm not exactly occupying the same physical, mental and emotional space I was in 2010 (e.g., today I'm 100 percent vegan and my youngest child just turned 18), I could narrow my search and find a more specific site for vegan singles who follow a broad range of esoteric practices and spiritual beliefs. Ta da...! One search and enter Green Singles. (And I'm not getting paid to promote this, by the way).

It has everything from astrological signs (including sun, rising and moon signs) to Chinese zodiac to Ayurvedic Body Type to a broad range of spiritual beliefs, political views and even how green (environmentally conscious) you are -- with a drop-down menu of different shades of green (no kidding).

Since joining last week, I must have edited and revised my profile at least five times. I thought I'd put myself so much out there that no one would want me unless it was really him, the one. Well, so much for that plan... Although it does do something for my spirit (and yeah, my ego) to know that I have more choices than ever before, the count of "new views" of the week more than doubled since I reposted this morning. And very interesting and attractive men, I might add. So, I thought, why not submit this as a sample to anyone looking for inspirational ideas on how to make him or herself shine through online and attract more potential mates than ever before.?

Even guys who generally have a tough time reading anything longer than a paragraph messaged to tell me they were amused and captivated, even "hypnotized" into reading the whole thing. So, most of the "essay" topics belonged to the site. I customized the two at the end.

Describe yourself (personality/attitude/passions/beliefs):

If I had just one of our 26 letters to choose from and to use for my descriptors, "C" would be it:

Cool, calm, collected, creative, conscious, conscientious, cautious, courageous, committed, caring, courteous, considerate, contagiously clean, charismatic, credible (incredibly so), candid, comedic, comical, cryptic, cute, cuddly, and *cougar (in your dreams)

*Define "Cougar" ~ Over the past 20 years, I've had several younger boyfriends (up to 11 years younger) and a few young adult students (talking 18 to 23 years old) hitting on me (with some consequence). I've recently had to narrow the search field ~ for the sake of compatibility conducive to a LTR / Marriage ~ to someone closer to my 1956 Model...

However, if we do have a connection in significantly more ways than one, and if you just happen to have been born outside either end of my defined age criteria, the burden of proof will be on YOU to convince ME that WE are right for each other.

If we get past the free "Hello" then you may or may not get to know me better ;-)

Describe the type of person you'd like to meet:

Like-minded... Uh-oh... I guess that would mean you'd have to KNOW THYSELF and thine own mind really well before you can know what MYSELF / mind is like.

Okay, let's quit the guessing games and skip to the objective... He'd have at least 20 out of the 22 "C" descriptors above ... AND if I could throw in just one of the remaining 25 letters, "D" would be it:

Desirable, Dedicated, Devoted, Dear, Decisive, Determined, Daring, Different, Disciplined, Down-to-Earth Dapper, Durable, Dancer, Dreamer, Dream-maker and Destined (for me).

Share something unusual or extra special about yourself:

I love to find clues and messages in names and numbers. I work on anagrams like some people work on crossword puzzles.

On one anagram site, I am credited as the discoverer of 26 anagrams that have the WOW factor (anagrams that relate to the original subject).

An anagram for my Italian surname is GO AND SEE... and SEEN A GOD... or A GOD SEEN... But WAIT... there's MORE...

So, if we get past the free "Hello" and you give me your name, don't be creeped out if I tell you that I've anagrammed it to find out things about you that you may be hiding from me... jk... lol... or maybe not.

What do you like to do for fun/activities?

My open-ended list... here goes:

*Engaging in profound conversations
*Engaging in silly and fun banter with word play
*Writing (for Huff Post and my Green Singles Profile)
*Singing (in bands, Karaoke solo on my YT Channel)
*Dancing (free style and Ballroom with partner ~ Latin, Swing, Smooth, etc.)
*Hiking and exploring (trails, hills, urban and rural)
*Amusement parks (fast rides and roller-coasters)
*Swimming and water sports (in clean oceans, lakes, rivers and pools)
*Sunbathing (on any beach, preferably sandy)
*Traveling and sightseeing (old favorites or anywhere new and exotic)
*Designing, organizing, and sewing accessories for decorating my small living space
*Entertaining guests ~ especially fun family (See section on Fun Family)
*Creating raw vegan recipes, especially ice creams and frozen desserts that can double as nutritious meals (without question or disgusted facial gestures, my guy must be a trusting and courageous taste-tester ~ aka, kitchen lab rab, preferably vegan)
*Exploring and learning about numerology, astrology, food and nutrition, energy healing arts, anything outside of mainstream practices
*Listening to talk radio with interviews of whistle blowers and people "in the know"
*This is the OPEN end where you can subject... I mean, introduce me to activities that you enjoy...
*Oh, did I mention Kissing...?

What does being *conscious* mean to you?

CONSCIOUS is being AWAKE and AWARE of being ALIVE and of my own immortality, living in the NOW while reminiscent of the PAST and realizing the power I possess for dreaming up the FUTURE in technicolor.

What types of healing modalities do you practice or would you like to learn?

I practice the intentional thought that by shining my light and purely being my authentic, transparent self ~ wherever I go, whatever I do, and whatever I say or don't say ~ my very presence would be healing in and of itself.

In 2003, right after earning my B.S. in B.S. ;-) I trained and earned a certificate in Professional Hypnosis. I discovered that the practice came almost as natural as breathing does for me. Lots of stories there ;-)

I've been giving serious thought to enhancing my skills by training in Stage Hypnosis. I'd like to combine education with entertainment to be a true "edu-tainer" who gets results by educating and empowering my audiences, as well as providing healing through laughter.

Also, as a singer-songwriter, I embrace music and song as another form of healing. I've been told that my singing and speaking voice can be almost hypnotic. Imagine my relief to know that I wasn't just so boring that I put them to sleep.

I might be coaxed into extending my practice to any willing subject... Any takers...?

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

You bet there is...!!! While I still have your attention ~ IF you managed to read down this far... I have had a pet peeve about guys on dating sites always saying, "I don't play games"... REALLY...???

I'm sorry, but I can't be with a guy who doesn't play games... I mean, seriously... if you don't like card games like Rummy or board games like Scrabble or any kind of parlor game, then you're no fun...!

All joking aside (for the next few paragraphs, at least) the only game I WON'T play is the one with your heart. I am naturally friendly, playful and flirtatious... and I realize that it could send mixed messages to some. However, I will lay all my Rummy cards down on the table in a gentle and caring way, and I will tell you if I don't feel we have a love connection. I expect the same from you.

Easy does it... just use the handy-dandy drop-down menu the site provides (that has every possible scripted message you can't think of on your own). No offense taken ~ for the emotionally mature, that is... and I am. Besides, who really wants to use up their quota of daydreams planning a non-existent future together with someone who's not feeling any chemical combustion? Pffft...! I don't...!

My Ideal Relationship: Fast Forward and NOT So Fast

So... long after the the free "Hello" AND the 30-day trial period AND the 90-day probation, we go on to becoming BFF's and look forward to checking our inboxes every evening, just to hear that lovely ringtone... "You've Got Mail" (if we haven't yet brought our tech devices up to speed from the 90s, that is).

And by "up to speed" I do mean some form of communication that could be a little more expedited, like unlimited text and phone calls... OR... regardless of distance, what could be virtually more REAL time than a Facetime, Google Hangout or Skype date?

I know, I know... Patience is a virtue, and what we have to say can wait... But what do you think the 30-Day trial and 90-Day probation were all about ~ besides getting our money's worth from our Green Singles subscription...? From my multi-dimensional dating experiences I've learned that nothing good and lasting comes from whirlwind romances... maybe good, but obviously, not lasting.

However, you and I sincerely look forward to connecting as often as possible, not because either one of us is needy or desperate on our own... It's just that we have so much to share that there aren't enough hours in the day or our busy work week to do that without our regular communications.

So, even though we've allowed each other the time and space to get to know other potential partners, we find ourselves thinking of each other often... No one else seems to compare... or measure up, for that matter... No one else makes us laugh in the same way or feel the way we do.

Maybe a year or so from now, although we both may want to say it, only ONE of us can be the first... I must INSIST that YOU be the man, face your fear, and YOU take the LEAD... Be the first to say those three little scary words that can mean so little or a lot (depending on how they're delivered).

What's the worst that could happen...? I would either second the motion and say, "Ditto..." (ha, ha) OR put you in the Friend Zone and set you free to meet the ONE even better for you than I am, because I DO care more deeply than you may think... and because I sincerely believe that every relationship can bring us that much closer to our final destination... or even help us clarify the essence of that final destination.

Fast forward... So, here's where the audience gets their tissues ready... To your delight and / or surprise, I don't say, "Ditto" or "Copy that"... I end up telling you EXACTLY when and how I came to realize that I love you, too (and hope that you didn't have to get shot dead to hear it from the Other Side through Whoopi Goldberg)... Aw... I am such a sucker for Romantic Comedy, and I'm guessing that most men are too but they're just unwilling to admit it.

Now that we got that awkward moment out of the way, we're comfortable enough with each other to start pooling our quotas of daydreams and fantasies about our future together. Because the two of us are both level-headed and sentimental at the same time, we begin to co-create our dream future as a couple... practical, down-to-earth and outrageously non-conformist.

Flashback to our childhood summers when we built forts and tree houses out of reclaimed wood which we scouted for in the fields. After building our dream place, we'd play house (or war) in them... Remember those days..? Well, if you're around my age, then you would... But for the sake of our harmonious relationship, we play house, not war.

We plan a life that involves living with as little as we need to be happy, yet as much as we can get to be comfortable... Here we are in our modest-sized home (that we may have personally designed through our own eight eyes and then built with our own four hands and maybe a few more hired ones) out of natural resourced materials (which we've transformed into a beautiful piece of architecture and interior design that would cause Frank Lloyd Wright to turn in his grave and put Martha Stuart to more shame than a life behind bars).

Our tiny little mansion is on our own manageable piece of property, far enough away from the crowded city to have space to enjoy outdoor gardening, hiking, etc. and our crafts (i.e., writing, music, art, building, etc..) yet close enough to run to the urban life for a little excitement now and then to keep our relationship interesting and alive...
Shopping, dancing, cinema, live shows, amusement, or just plain people-watching as we weave silly stories about them (yes, watching "Date Night" is a prerequisite... and...?)

Having exchanged some soulishly intimate moments throughout the course of our day out on the town, (through knowing glances, sensual touch, PDA's and laughter) we can't wait to retreat to our little home snuggled in the woods on a rolling hill overlooking a lake or sandy beach by the ocean, where those intimate moments of the day were all part of the foreplay for a much deeper intimacy in our shared abode at night...

The next morning (this is a PG-13 chick flick, circa 1940's, when some scenes were left to the imagination... and if you don't think I have an imagination at this point in time, then you're leaving yourself wide open for pleasant surprises ~ if you've gotten way, way past the free "Hello") I wake to find you staring lovingly into my half-opened eyes... How long have you been awake...? Oh, God...please don't tell me I woke you with my snoring...!

You lean over towards my ear (good, at least you're not leaning in for a kiss before I have a chance to brush my teeth)... and as your gentle touch and butterfly kisses on my neck and bare shoulders remind me of the passion from the night before, you whisper, "What would you like in your smoothie, my Muse...?"

What are YOU laughing at..? I'm practicing the art of visualization... Didn't anyone else here read Jill Crosby's article, "Manifest Your Mate"? She didn't need to convince me of the power of visualization and how to manifest through the Law of Attraction...

I've always seen all the world as a stage (Shakespeare, or whoever REALLY wrote that)... and we are the actors, and I'm going to play my part with the best damn improv my imagination can produce... props, setting, supporting cast and all... Any man interested in auditioning for the leading role as my life partner had better have his own lines down, or start heading down-stage towards the exit...

You have to know me well enough to know just how serious I am about some things... However, if you managed to stick with me up to this point in my profile, I'm already impressed with your attention span... and you'll probably get past the free "Hello".

Or does this relationship sound like high-maintenance and way too much work or pressure...? Oh well... Take TWO, JOriginal Muse, or however many takes it takes... Next...!

Some Trivia and Fun Family Facts

A guy I recently met was discussing some of his former encounters with potential partners. He brought up his feelings about the "baggage" those women came with (in the form of children ~ even adult children)... Whoa...! In spite of our instant connection that could have been attributed to our Moon Signs (both in Pisces), this encounter just took a sharp turn, considering the amount of "baggage" I had, per his definition. Later I shared this with my youngest (just turned 18) who had a witty comeback for that (I wonder where she gets that from...?) "Mom, I'm not baggage... I'm just a duffel bag..."

I must say that I really lucked out in the family department. My kids and I had always been close while we were raising each other ;-) My Dark Night of the Soul came as a direct result of divorce, and it involved a painful separation from the very ones for whom I had lived my life ~ my four older children from that marriage. I had to learn patience and trust in the overall plan of the Universe, while they were learning to think for themselves and not believe all that they were told about me. Today we are closer than ever before.

My kids (37, 35, 31, 29 and 18) are some of the best company I keep. They and their spouses (two of the five are married) are fun-loving story-tellers, understanding, and accepting of others. They have given me even more joy through the gift of grandkids (seven and the number is growing). We are not, by any means, joined at the hip(s). They support my right to have a life of my own, as I have with them. However, our family is so entertaining that we should have a our own TV sit-com.

Oh, but wait...! We WERE on SURreality TV (my name for it)... My third child (Naomi) starred as one of the four finalists on The Bachelor (Season 13)... and we were featured in a Home-Town Date as the "Quirkiest family in the history of The Bachelor (Week 6)... More stories there... That is, if you've gotten past the free "Hello"... Maybe or maybe not ;-)

After all is said and done, I still have to rely on my intuition and more selective taste these days to weed out those who are not Green enough for my health, so I can recognize him, the one who will be the best match for me to fast forward (yet, not so fast) into the future with. And perhaps serendipity will still play its role by causing us both to be online at the same time and day and by "chance" having each other's profile catch our attention, so that we'll want to give each other the time of day to know more. Time will tell... Stay tuned...