5 Ridiculous Diet Devices

As if there weren't enough fad diets, diet pills and celebrity-endorsed liquid diets already out there, a new crop of ridiculous diet aids have found their way onto the market. This crap does nothing but waste people's money, leave them unsatisfied, and perpetuate the nasty, viscous dieting cycle. We have been so thrilled that How to Eat Like a Hot Chick has been helping women let go of their insecurities and start enjoying food again, and so we are disheartened to see these outrageous new weight loss products creep onto store shelves with their absurd, unfounded promises and high price tags. Here are a few of the craziest ones we've noticed and why we want you to stay far away from them.

1. Diet Gum and Diet Sucking Candies

This nonsense is everywhere now - lollipops and suckers and chewing gum enhanced with appetite suppressants and/or metabolism-boosting caffeine. We suppose that if you're stranded on a mountain with no food, a piece of diet gum might take the edge off, but we see no reason to chew or suck on this crap in regular life. We went ahead and tried one of these bad boys before writing about it, and our diet candy made us nauseous after about 45 seconds and left a strange taste in our mouth for the rest of the night. It was completely effective - for a few hours there we were too grossed out and queasy to be hungry. Sadly, the package told us to eat eight of them a day. Eight nasty, nausea-inducing candies and we'll be skinny? Please.

2. Skinny Water

This stuff has the same concept as the candies - they're now adding that appetite-suppressing, metabolism-boosting nastiness to lovely, refreshing water. Water is perfect as it is, and the craziest part is that water is a diet aid in its natural form! Drinking regular, plain water flushes out your body, keeps your metabolism running smoothly and curbs your appetite better than a bunch of chemicals. The only thing these added ingredients do is drain your wallet and fuel your "food issues."

3. Diet Coke Plus

We are so amazed by the ballsiness of this move that we're almost impressed - Diet Coke went ahead and added vitamins B6, B12, zinc and magnesium to their secret recipe. Problem is, it contains just as much rat poison (read: aspartame) as regular Diet Coke, PLUS it tastes funny. If the people at Diet Coke can convince people that their beverage is healthy, then we will be impressed. But we think that if God wanted us to get our recommended daily doses from soda, then he wouldn't have given us blueberries, oranges and spinach.

4. Protein Water

Protein water had been around for a while, but now it's being advertised as a diet aid. Have you seen the ads for the new Special K20 Protein Water Mix? They drive us crazy, telling women that if they dare get hungry at lunchtime, they should mix chemically sweetened powder into their water and nip it in the bud! That's almost as bad as telling women that they should eat three bowls of cereal a day (at 120 calories each) to lose weight.

5. Diet Cookies

Dr. Siegal's "Cookie Diet" is all the rage, claiming that people can lose 15 pounds a month just by eating cookies! Sounds awesome, right? Not so fast. Actually, this diet is quite similar to a fast. Over an entire day, you're supposed to eat just six of Siegal's very expensive, very small and very tasteless cookies, plus one meal made of 6 ounces of lean protein and one cup of vegetables. This comes to about 800 calories a day, takes all the fun out of cookies and is just about the biggest insult to a human's intelligence we've ever heard. How about eating healthy versions of healthy foods and real cookies as an enjoyable treat rather than torturing ourselves with this crap that makes us poor, miserable and hungry?

For more tips on how to eat what you love and love how you feel, visit www.heydayproductions.com or pick up a copy of HOW TO EAT LIKE A HOT CHICK by Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent.

Comments

[violettefemme]

Thanks for this article, you are so right on.

I started noticing the TV commercials for skinny water and protein water a few weeks ago, and I was struck by the deeper meaning (at least to me). The message is clearly "You have no reason or excuse to eat actual food anymore".

With the protein water and the new spray on salad spritzers, I realize I am close to right. No excuse, now Women, fat or otherwise, don't need and should not be encouraged to eat real food...just remove us from the food chain altogether and then we won't dare to be found displeasing/fat/ugly/old. And bonus, we won't be competition for the food source anymore.

I am seeing a trend in my friend's daughters with these products, and it sickens me. My own daughter has not jumped on this trend yet, but I am preparing myself for the day I need to face it.

Many of these teen girls are already giving up meat and dairy, they hide it under the Vegan flag, and it seems to make them less threatening to the boys...it's like that are saying "Look, I won't compete for ANYTHING that you want, not even food, I can get by on lettuce leaves with a spritz of vinegar and countless bottles of protein water a day. And I LOVE it!

The RDA of protein for a teenaged girl is minimum 50 grams. That's 10 bottles of water, and I guarantee there are girls out there trying to live on it. We all know where this is leading.

I can remember my 13 year old step-daughter coming home from school in tears once, because some girls had seen the label in her new jeans--they were a size 5. And one of them said to her, "Wow, you don't even look that fat".

Scary....so very scary.

[JScott]

Perhaps they should do the 'Cheeseburger In A Can' (was linked elsewhere on here) diet.
The reviews were horrible and tasted the same. Perhaps if they just ate these they would find them totally disgusting and not eat em at all and lose the weight that way (fasting?).

[YankeeCanuck]

There is a perfect skinny drink already. It's called water. An here in the US, you can find it running from the taps for free. There is also something that keeps the weight off--it's called walking.

[truth101]

The secret to losing weight is to create a list of what you eat for a week. Everything as this is the baseline
ot the enemy NEXT its time to be honest and recognize THE LOVE AFFAIR is over and its time to withdraw.....and as everyone knows the way to break up is to stop seeing someone...in other words quit
the items you are in love with, the crap like say CHEESE or JAM or POTATOES or...whatever.....LOOK AT THE LIST and just quit .....which mean perhaps one offender a week. AFTER A MONTH you can have stopped buying the 4 biggest offenders and realized you CAN LIVE WITH OUT THEM. THIS IS THE SECRET --- it is that old song....BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO...LA LA LA....
THE SECRET IS DOUBLE EDGED.....YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR OLD FOOD ADDICTIONS
WITH FISH AND SALAD, AND A NEW RULE......NEVER NEVER NEVER...EAT ANYTHING 3 HOURS BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP.
IF YOU DO THE ABOVE, THE FAT WILL MELT AWAY LIKE WAX FROM A BURNING CANDLE. ENJOY!!!!

[Usedtobequiet]

Thanks to Michael Pollan I have a new mantra: Eat food...not too much...mostly plants. Brilliant! What else do you really need?

[Chuckwheat]

Want to get skinny? Volunteer to work the refugee camps in Darfur, share your lunch with them.

[CintiBlue]

#4, Protein Water is my #1 most ridiculous. How pathetic.