11/27/2007 10:08 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Cellulite Cream for Your Bones

While Dove and some other nice companies out there are trying to create ad campaigns that make women feel better about their bodies, Nivea is busy being ridiculous. Have you guys seen the commercials for Nivea's "Good-Bye Cellulite Gel-Cream"? These ads are crazy. A bunch of women who are, like, 5'10 and 105 pounds dance around a crappy New York City set all excited because they've got no more cellulite. They inexplicably high-five each other and cheer, eternally grateful that their cellulite problems are gone forever.

Excuse us? Now, we know better than we care to publicly admit that you don't have to be fat in order to have cellulite. This evil, obnoxious affliction can strike anyone at any time. It's that bitch estrogen that causes it. She can be our best friend (giving us soft skin, boobs, babies) or our worst enemy (we have her to thank for PMS, weird cravings and menstrual cramps), and in this case, she is our damn nemesis. Almost all post-pubescent women have some amount of cellulite.

Okay, fine. So these lanky supermodels may in fact have cellulite, just like Tyra Banks, who likes to remind us daily about her own cellulite. (We kind of love that about Tyra.) But we're willing to bet our hard-earned cash that the majority of women who are out there buying cellulite cream have a body mass index of over 15, unlike the girls in this commercial. We're not saying that their ads should feature a bunch of obese women rubbing cream all over their bodies, but the women they show instead are downright skinny. Too skinny. Unhealthy skinny. They are a bad model for consumers to try and live up to and it is a ridiculous notion that women might end up looking like that if they only use this cream.

To make matters worse, Nivea's commercial implies that these scrawny ladies need the cellulite cream just as much as anyone! They zoom in on an emaciated thigh that's emanating with fakey infrared waves and talk about how their cream uses science to uncover the cellulite and obliterate it. Ooh, science. How advanced is this cream, anyway? Does it get rid of cellulite on your BONE?

What are we women supposed to think when we see this commercial? Obviously, the good people at Nivea want us to watch it and go, "Damn, if that teeny tiny tush benefited from this crap, then surely mine can, too!" But we all know that the cream didn't shrink those asses down to that size, and more importantly, why on earth would we WANT to buy this stuff and make our own asses look like that?! Guys like girls with butts that are firm and shapely and juicy, not flat and deflated, and so we think that Nivea should be showing beautiful, curvaceous rears like that in their commercial, behinds that we can all strive to live up to.

We're not saying that you shouldn't buy cellulite cream - go ahead! Maybe it'll even work! (We'd be shocked, but we guess there's a chance.) But before you buy creams to get rid of your cellulite, first try just letting it go. Men totally don't care if you've got bumps on your behind, so why should you? Rub in that cream all you want, but don't waste the four weeks it's supposed to take before it even starts working feeling insecure, assuming that you'll become confident like the girls in the commercial once it kicks in. If you think you'll be hot with a little less cellulite, then you're probably already hot now, so don't wait to start believing it! We all know that the minute you stop worrying about your cellulite you will instantly become 500 times hotter - hotter than the scrawny models in the commercial and with an extra $13 in your pocket. Seems like a better deal to us!