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Cures for the Breakup Blues

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When we received this email from a heartbroken Hot Chick, we thought that there might be a few of you out there who are going through something similar, so we wanted to share the advice we gave her. If misery does indeed love company, perhaps it will help to know that you're not the only one suffering from the breakup blues.

Dear Jodi & Cerina,

I have read both your books and am very much looking forward to your next one. I need some help and I just don't know who else to turn to. All my friends are sick of hearing me complain about my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) but I just don't feel like I can move on. What happened is I was working out of the country for a couple months, and the distance was hard for my boyfriend, but we skyped every day and every night and he said how much he was looking forward to me coming home. He even told me that when I did come back that I should move in with him. I said yes and gave up my apartment, but when I got off the plane, he was acting really weird. We had a couple big fights and he ultimately told me that he couldn't handle the relationship anymore, he didn't think living with each other was smart, that he didn't deserve someone as good as me, and that it was over. I was crushed. He not only pulled the rug out from under me, but I didn't even have a place to live for a few weeks! It's been a little over a month now and I am still heartbroken over this. I just don't understand what went wrong and he won't even return my calls to explain why. I wonder if there is another girl or if taking that job out of the country was just a giant mistake. Please help me. I am just so confused and still in so much pain.

Thank you so much!
Valerie

Dear Valerie,

This is awful and we are very sorry. It sounds really confusing to us, too, and we may never know exactly what happened because we don't know this guy. However, the one thing that stands out to us is that he said that he didn't deserve someone as good as you! Those are very powerful words, and most men are not very good at sugar coating their emotions, so we don't think he was just blowing smoke. Some men have a hard time dealing with their insecurities because they communicate them so less frequently, and many men would rather sabotage something great than take a good hard look in the mirror. It sounds like he might be letting his LSE (low self esteem) rule his life. It's common for people with severe LSE to build something great and then completely dismantle it as soon as it starts to feel too good and too real because they truly don't believe they are worthy.

Think about what we just said and then really think about whether or not this is someone you want to be with. We know you love him, but if he was cold-hearted enough to ask you to move in and then turn right around and kick you out with no good explanation, we're pretty sure that living together would not have ended well no matter what. Wouldn't you rather end it now than after you've invested in a flat screen and flatware together? This guy has done you a huge favor by making it clear that he is not the right guy for you. It may not feel that way yet, but we promise that you will look back with so much gratitude that you didn't waste more of your time on him.

Take some time to enjoy being single. Focus on yourself, indulge in the things you enjoy, and spend some quality time with friends and family. Then go back out into the dating world knowing that you are a strong, confident Hot Chick who deserves a strong, confident man who knows that he deserves you! Before long, you'll be looking back at this guy with pity and thanking him for doing you the favor of breaking your heart.

Hang in there and let us know what happens!
Xo, Jodi & Cerina

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