Has Feminism Gone Too Far - Or Not Far Enough?

A recent study out of the University of Pennsylvania claims to prove that women are less happy now than they were before feminism, the idea being that all of the equality and choices that our mothers and grandmothers fought for have made us less satisfied than even they were. Well, this is entirely possible. So many of us work our butts off around the clock to bring home the bacon and then cook it up while simultaneously doing the laundry, paying the bills, taking care of the kids and planning our financial futures. And many of us do all of this while constantly beating ourselves up for not looking as young and perfect as the enhanced celebrities whose only job it is to look good. No wonder we're unhappy, but does that mean feminism itself is to blame?

Now let us be clear; we are feminists. We believe in equal rights, equal pay and that a woman can do any job (except maybe Hulk Hogan's) as well as a man. But we admit that we sometimes have fantasy sequences about simpler times when women had one job: to take care of the house, her husband and her children. The problem is that back in the day women were forced into that job with no other options and now it seems that women are forced to do this and approximately twenty-five jobs in addition to that one if you include the hours we spend at work, battling insurance companies, making sure we understand our investments, juggling the bills and the budget, negotiating credit card interest rates, keeping toilet paper in the bathrooms and the dust off the furniture and trading plastic water bottles for the supposedly non-cancer causing aluminum.

Is it feminism's fault or should we blame the economy and society we live in, where both partners need to work in order to make ends meet (unless you're a so-called Real Housewife)? Unfortunately, we have a feeling that they're connected. Women wanted to be able to have it all and we sure got it. We have it all and we have to do it all, and as we've fought for more power and control over our lives, our men seem to have more and more time to play video games and drink beer. They have equal rights, but they're not expected to cook dinner, bathe the kids and do the laundry when they get home from a hard day's work, so how in the world is that equal? (Yes, we know there are exceptions.) So has feminism gone too far or has it not gone far enough? We think it's the latter. If women are going to have to earn just as much money as their husbands, then they should also be splitting the at-home responsibilities down the middle. That is true equality.

But right now, our plates are overflowing and many of our lives are out of balance. So what can we do about it? Until we get longer maternity leaves and real equality, we think that women need to do everything they can to find the balance between work and play in their own lives. Our third book, How to Live Like a Hot Chick, will address this very topic and teach women how to hold onto their femininity and find serenity in the midst of an overwhelming lifestyle. We are in control of our lives and we need to stop pressuring ourselves to do it all perfectly while looking like a supermodel or thinking that we should be as productive as Madonna or Angelina Jolie but minus their millions of dollars and help that money provides. We have fought to have the right to do anything in the world, but that doesn't mean that we have to do everything in the world, and we are so excited to help women find a balance that makes them feel happy, confident, sexy and alive again. If the state of feminism is making us miserable, then let's fight harder to take it further until we have more options than obligations and a true equality that brings us peace and happiness.

Comments

[h0tr0d]

As you are no doubt aware, but seem obligated to leave out, is on average, men STILL work more than women at the office and women STILL work more than men at home. But study after study confirms that men and women work EQUAL amounts of time when taking in to account work at home and work at the office. This is a very simple concept which feminists always ignore. So while you continue to push for EQUAL division of labor at home....ensure you are pushing for EQUAL division of labor at the office and EQUAL division of financial responsibility, then and only then, do you have a legitimate argument to make.

[Malkin71]

Not only that, but as I and others have pointed out their idea of equality is to have men do their jobs and women do their jobs (which as you point out is not necessarily a fair and balanced or even load) and THEN for men and women to split all of the jobs that were traditionally female.

They make no mention of whether the more physically demanding jobs that have been traditionally male should be split or not.

And as I asked earlier (no one answered that part of the question they instead to answer the other questions gave a laundry list to unintentionally prove that they are the exceptions that proves the rule) all of that housework that must be divided evenly is with women setting the priorites and deciding what must be done.

Do you remember the place he lived in when you met him? We can survive with a shorter list of housework.

So we get to do our jobs (which are on average, more demanding) and then come home to split the "female" jobs based on their priorities and presumably continue do all the "male" jobs ourselves.

That sounds equal.

[been2there]

Remember that people, both men and women, are individuals. As it happens, my husband is the mechanic and I am the financial planner; he cooks, I sew. Something to keep in mind is that children may need more that is comfortable--I had always planned to work part-time, but my children had special needs. (Understatement.) My husband did not have my background with special needs, nor could he breastfeed, so I got the full-time parent job. Trust me, teaching middle school was half the work.

[KatarinaNolte]

Important question but you are not describing feminists. A feminist is a free woman who does not live to please others.
And the word 'femininity' has to go. It's artificial. It does not exist in nature. We are women so we are female, which sufficiently describes what we are.
What equality in the workplace should look like is clear to most.
Equality in intimate partnerships on the other hand does not exist for the most part and it will stay that way for as long as women don't drop the 'femininity'-associated behaviors and characteristics and simply act like humans, or more acurately, actual equals.
What we have at this stage of the feminist movement is a reflection of how we view/treat ourselves and each other, which is where women should start when wondering why they are unhappy.

[Malkin71]

I have not known too too many feminists who needed to be told not to be feminine.

Would you also advise them not to be too masculine, also, as I think that might be a more pressing issue...

[been2there]

I can't be masculine because I am female. If you want me to be docile, stupid, passive, and clinging, I have to tell you that that is your problem, not mine. I prefer being strong, intelligent, active and independend. Fortunately, my husband likes it that way.

[The Meek]

The most successful business team I know of is a husband and wife team. I know lots couples that really have their shtuff together. When it works it's a beautiful thing.

I vote for "not gone far enough".

[Malkin71]

Whenever people ask what women want...I always find the questions so simple...

Women want equality....and...they want chivalry. Do the math, that's 75%, ladies.

As far as women coming home to do the housework....two points....

1. Women usually CARE more about the housework. Do you remember the place he lived in when you met him?

Why must we share equal duty for things that we don't consider equal priorities?

2. Will women now be sharing equally in the jobs that almost always fall to men?

Ladies,

When was the last time you changed the oil (or the engine) in the car?
When was the last time you fixed a leak?
When was the last time you put up drywall or installed flooring?
When was the last time you cut the lawn?
When was the last time you built a fence?

If someone needs to go up on the roof, who's is going?
If the car gets a flat and both of you are in the car, who is fixing it?
If you hear glass breaking at 3 am, who is getting up to check on it?

For "some" reason, shared responsibility seems to mean that men do half of the job's women used to do, plus ALL of the stuff that we have had to do all along.

So, this time we get 75%....of the responsibility.

You girls are good. Real good. AND, you still want more...

[Jennifer Astle]

When was the last time you changed the oil (or the engine) in the car? Three weeks ago.
When was the last time you fixed a leak? Last summer (and I dealt with the insurance).
When was the last time you put up drywall or installed flooring? Haven't ever, but neither has my partner.
When was the last time you cut the lawn? A few years ago I cut the lawn for my Grandmother on a regular basis. I haven't recently, because I've lived in apartments and townhomes. But I do the gardening.
When was the last time you built a fence? When I was 13.

If someone needs to go up on the roof, who's is going? Probably him, but I'll be too busy scrubbing behind the toilet in his bathroom.
If the car gets a flat and both of you are in the car, who is fixing it? I'll give you this one.
If you hear glass breaking at 3 am, who is getting up to check on it? Me. Husband wasn't so thrilled to learn that I chased an armed suspect off my lawn once and pointed the cops in his direction.

Ever occur to you that some women we're never taught these skills because it wasn't viewed as necessary for her? Teach your partner how to fix the engine, and she'll teach you how to properly clean a bathroom and then the two of you can take turns. If she's still unwilling talk 75% then.

[Shotgun Mary]

When was the last time you changed the oil? About 1500 miles ago
When was the last time you fixed a leak? I remodeled our bathroom last winter
When was the last time you put up drywall or installed flooring? see above granted he did help with the floors
When was the last time you cut the lawn? I AM the lawn personnel, he just doesn't have that yard guy talent.
When was the last time you built a fence? haven't yet, but the boards are in the yard

Try and remember, just because we wear lipstick and complain about how you never do the dishes doesn't mean we're not out there doing your work while you're playing call of duty.

[remma3000]

It's not about who does what, but who is working on chores and who is sitting on his behind watching TV, reading the paper, playing XBox or surfing the net. In our house, we divide up chores according to time available to do them. Sometimes I have more time, sometimes my husband does. NEITHER of us rests unless the other one can rest too. That's equity and that's what women want. Oh, and it applies to the teenager as well. She doesn't get to sit on her behind while we toil; she must help too.

[RadicalRepublican]

Sometimes I'm not too energetic and I'll sit on a lazyboy and watch TV while my wife is doing the chores. Sometimes it's reversed. We split the yardwork and house work by who's in the mood and it seems to come out pretty even. She doesn't like to weedeat and I hate to dust, so those jobs don't get split very often.Who fixes the roof? me Who makes the potato salad when we Bar-B-Que with friends or family? Her. Also, she usually grills and I load the dishwasher. (I burn meat) We've got quite a few couple friends who are similar. I know it's not the norm so I vote: not far enough!

[classicalgeek]

When was the last time you changed the oil (or the engine) in the car? I take it to the shop to have it professionally maintained to preserve the warranty. I took it, I paid for it.
When was the last time you fixed a leak? I live in an apartment and maintenance does that.
When was the last time you put up drywall or installed flooring? 2005.
When was the last time you cut the lawn? I do the gardening at my parents' house and here. Maintenance does the lawn.
When was the last time you built a fence? When I was 13. It's still standing.

If someone needs to go up on the roof, who's is going? Maintenance, again. At my parents' house, it's whoever's knee hurts the least going up the ladder that day.
If the car gets a flat and both of you are in the car, who is fixing it? I'm the one who knows where the wheel locks and jack are in the trunk.
If you hear glass breaking at 3 am, who is getting up to check on it? Me. I am the one who has had all the martial arts, disarming and self-defense courses. All he has is testosterone. Better that he hide and call 911 than get into a pissing match with someone with a gun.

[Malkin71]

I do all the "women's" work in our house....so I, like you ladies, are what is known as the exception to the rule.

Notice the authors of the article never mentioned the idea of women splitting any of the duties I described. In their world view, men will one day do half of "women's" work and ALL of theirs...

There are plenty of 75% feminists out there.

Congratulations and thank you if you are not one of them.

[HPdevotee]

This argument has always given me a chuckle.

Now, let's name one thing you do everyday. My family is raised but when they were young, my husband and I both worked 40 hour jobs. After work I'd pick the kids up from daycare, cook dinner, get them doing their homework and help with that when they needed,cleaned up dinner...did dishes, made sure the kids got their showers, took my own shower and rolled my hair (you know, to look feminine and all), usually threw in a load of laundry (if not everyday..every other day), then put the kids to bed. What did hubby do all this time...he read his newspaper, drank his 7 and 7 , came to the table for dinner, ate, returned to his chair and watched TV. This was day in and day out.

Now let's talk about the 'occasional' jobs..you know, like oil changes and fence building, etc.
I also did all the food shopping, all the clothes shopping and back-to-school shopping, all the household supply shopping (ie, drapes, rugs, towels, sheets, etc.). And all the parent-teacher conferences, all the school field trips (when I was able to get time off work...my job was always secondary, though I earn as much as my husband) then there's always Sundays when most everything was repeated but I think you see my point.

You boys are good..real good..and you still want your privileged status. Pfft.

[Hopeandaplan]

AAA handles most of the questions you asked for both us and I do enough research to pick a neighborhood we're safe in. Or my two large dogs would kick anyone's butt if they tried to break in.

Most men are getting laid off these days because they cost more to keep working than women. How's that for an ironic equal rights twist? When two people get paid their fair share then there is less stress in the household. Why is this women want more, most husbands I know want their wives to make more and to be happy, that makes for a secure happy home.

I am assume your wife is inflatable.

[Malkin71]

Assume whatever pleases you.

My girlfriend (who is younger) works full time and goes to school full time.

I work full time and do ALL of the jobs that have been discussed. I do the "women's work" that has been talked about and the "men's work" that I listed.

So, once again, you (and your assumption) are totally wrong.

BUT, by doing both sets of jobs I have a unique perspective as to who is shouldering the heavy load....

You won't like the answer, ladies.

[Malkin71]

Most of the problems you talk about in the article have little to do with FEMINISM.

No, actually, they are mostly the result of CONSERVATISM destroying the middle class.

[Hdaryl01]

Feminism benefits those that are feminine. That's the problem with today's feminist paradigm-it's gender specific, gender focused, and gender exclusionary. It is anything but HUMANIST. What began 40+ years ago as an offshoot of the civil rights movement as an effort to drive EQUALITY (ie EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT-ERA), has morphed into nothing more than a well funded Political Action Committee (PAC), that operates like Unions with an us against them mentality, perpetually driving for more benefits for its constituents, at the expense of the excluded gender, and without fighting for or accepting additional and equal responsibility. The feminist movement today is a dangerous and counterproductive travesty.

Yet again, in this context, the oppressed have once again become the oppressors. The irony is, that the Feminist movement of the 60's and 70's would not have succeeded to the degree it did, or in the time period it did without the assistance of justice minded, equality focused, humanistic MEN. Now, 40 years hence, like the Energizer Bunny, the battle still goes on. To get all you can. To drive home gender differences. To shun equal responsibility. And to preserve your cherished protected class status, and its attendant chivalry, should you desire and require it. There is no JUSTICE or EQUALITY in the efforts of today's feminists-that is not the point. It's about geting more for women at the expense of men. You can't get to JUSTICE and EQUALITY this way. When FEMINISM becomes HUMANISM you'll have credibility. Not before.

[Hdaryl01]

AMERICAN MEN LISTEN UP-FREE ADVICE:

American women hate you. They have hated you for at least 40 years. They hated you yesterday. They hate you today. And, they'll hate you tomorrow. In fact, American female hatred of American men is increasing, not decreasing. Quit fighting it, you can't win. Move on.

Once you do, the insane reality of the American female to American male dynamic becomes actually comic-especially from the vantage point of a male who doesn't live in the US, isn't married to an American woman, and interacts on a daily basis with women who don't hate him in a different, civilized country. Get out more. It will do you good.

96.5% of the females on planet earth live outside the United States-and the vast majority of these women DON'T hate you. American women account for only 3.5% of the global female population. If you haven't already made the fatal error of actually marrying one, DON'T. YOU are not special, and YOU will not be different in your relationship than the legions of American men that have preceded you over the last 40 plus years. The American women you marry will be like these authors, and nag incessantly based on a glass half empty perspective.

American women have priced themselves out of the market-the understatement of the century...

[Sandivine]

I can't wait to read your new book.! We, women are all searching to find balance in our lives. How can
we learn to be fair to ourselves and to our partners as well? You show us that a hot chick and a feminist can be one and the same. Thank you!

[Siculo20]

You assertion is so far off reality that it is actually shocking. Men do all these jobs, they just don't seem to bitch about is as much (at least not to the outside world) There are many other duties that men have to perform and I don't hear a man say: My wife never moans the lawn, she never goes to the car shop to get the oil checked, she never takes out the garbage, she did not cut the the firewood etc.

And what about those areas where men have little rights, like paternity/ maternity rights?

Equality should be a given, among gender as among races. You should be paid according to your skills, nothing else. But I am getting tired of reading almost exclusively women saying how bad their live are and that men have it so easy. Society has changed and demands much more of people than it used to, but we tend to forget the biological component of life. It is not just harder for women, it is also harder for men to juggle with time, money and responsability.

How do you suggest to measure equality? Same pay? Same hours of work? Same amount of free hours to spend doing whatever it is you like doing (we might drink beer, you like to go shopping). There is lots of work to do but always pretending that women have it so much harder and have more pressure is just false.