Dear Aaron,
Hey, man. What's up? How's the shoulder feeling? Man alive -- I saw that hit last night and I was all like, "Man alive!" Sitting at home on the couch, watching on a crystal clear HD television, it honestly felt like I was the one being thrown into the rock hard tundra by a 300-pound beast of a human son-of-a-bitch. Seriously -- I felt your pain right there with you, possibly even more so.
Anyway, as you may or may not know, I'm in a knockout football pool at work. In case you aren't familiar with these, everyone in the office picks a team each week. If your team wins, you move on, having to pick a different team the following week. If your team loses, you lose. It's a lot of fun -- if you haven't tried it, you should.
So this week, with only a couple people left in the pool, and 800 dollars on the line, I picked what I believed to be a sure thing. I mean, heck -- you guys were favored by ten and a half points! That's crazy! Like I was saying, there was 800 bucks at stake, and while I don't think this should all be placed on your shoulders (sorry), it would be nice if you could shoulder (ooh, sorry again) some of the load. I mean, after all -- it's not like it's my fault you fractured your collarbone. Why should I be penalized?
It seems like there's a couple options moving forward:
A) You send me a check (or money order) for the 800 dollars.
B) You send me a check (or money order) for the 800 dollars, plus a little extra for my pain and suffering. I mean -- it was really hard to get through that fourth beer when I knew I was about to potentially lose 800 bucks.
Look Aaron -- just between us, you have a ton of money. I've seen you in what, a thousand commercials? Now look at me: Yes, I work in Hollywood, and yes, I work in television -- but I have been in ZERO commercials. Heck, sometimes I have panic attacks when I get to the cashier at Ralph's with my four-dollar jug of wine and two dollars worth of toilet paper. I know my checking account has like seven bucks in it, but I don't know what tax is or how it works. I'm rolling the declined dice, man! You know what would really help me out? 800 bucks. For Christ's sake -- I'm drinking wine out of a jug for four dollars. Be a pal.
So there it is. I think it's pretty clear what the right thing to do is, so hopefully, you'll see fit to do it. Since this is a public forum, I'd hate to put my actual address on here, so when you decide to send me the money, you can contact my agent at CAA.
Okay, thanks Aaron! Good luck with the rest of the season and of course: Go Pack!
Yours,
Joe Cristalli