THE BLOG

Chicken or Fish?

02/03/2011 01:09 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Recently, I had a friend make a comment to me about how much must I dread weddings. Don't get me wrong; any function that forces me to sport a tie and be on time is in fact something I dread. "Because of your whole marriage thing", they added. Yeah, I got it the first time buddy. He whispered the last two words as if we were trading state secrets. Neck-wear aside, I really had to explain that in fact, it wasn't that big of a deal.

I like to look at it like this: Have you ever had a shitty birthday party? Maybe? No? Okay, well, use your imagination. It was a shitty party, there was no cake, and you weren't allowed to wear shoes inside. Does that mean you don't want to celebrate another friends' birthday party? Exactly.

What's that? That analogy isn't working for you? Fine. I once got food poisoning from pizza. Now, I'm a stand-up comedian in New York City. That isn't just part of my food pyramid, that is my food pyramid. I'm not going to just never step in another pizzeria just because one handed me the worst three days of my life. Man, I love analogies. And pizza.
It's a strange conundrum. You are invited to a celebration that can evoke a whole slew of negative emotions. Here are a few tips to help you make it through a wedding, or any other difficult situation for that matter.

WWTFD. What would The Fonz do? He'd be as cool as cool can be. This doesn't mean he never cries. Remember when Richie was in that motorcycle accident? Exactly. It just means he doesn't show all of his cards. Don't talk about what you don't want to talk about, and if someone forces this issue inadvertently, feel free to divert it. Talk about the flowers, the dress, or the latest trends in business.

Remember that not everyone knows about your personal history. This makes it possible to create your history. That's right. Lie. I like telling people that I am opening my own dojo and looking for investors. Or that I'm training for a marathon. I feel that people always forget that you don't have to talk about what you don't want to. I am one of those people.

Following those two principles will help you deal with everyone else. Now, how do you deal with you?

Going to a wedding can be hard if you have been through the proverbial divorce ringer. People look at you. You look at yourself. You remember your special day. But hey, have your moment. Cry it out for a healthy minute or two. They give out tissues at weddings for a reason, you know. It's not because people are shedding tears of wedding joy; it's because they remember their special day and how differently things are now. If you time this correctly, everyone else will be doing the same thing. A whole bunch of people crying together on what is the happiest day of someone else's life.

When the ceremony is all set and done, do what I do. Have a drink or twelve, dance your face off, make-out with a younger (but legal) distant cousin, and make sure you tell a few inappropriate jokes so it will be a while before you have to put on a tie again.

This Blogger's Books and Other Items from...