Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 5, Episode 10 of HBO's "True Blood," titled, "Gone, Gone, Gone"
I am so relieved that "True Blood" has finally hit its stride. Looking back, I've really disliked one or two episodes this season. Like, really, really disliked. But in retrospect, this season has been pretty great, and with only two more episodes left, chances are that the show will continue to bring the heat.
The episode opened up with Sookie in her robe, about to gorge on some Chinese food when Mike the coroner shows up on her doorstep. She invites him in and as it turns out, he's a recently-turned vampire! He lunged for her, bit her inner thigh, and she staked him with a pair of chopsticks. How marvelously wonderful this was. It started the episode off with a bang and the rest of the hour followed suit.
With the Tru Blood shortage, humans are afraid of leaving their houses at night due to the rise in vampire attacks, which means businesses are becoming increasingly barren. Jessica showed up at Merlotte's and everyone bolted besides these two guys who were ready to shoot her with some wooden bullets. Sam is not having that at all and neither is Lafayette and after a nice will-she-or-won't-she-bite-him moment (she didn't), they were shooed away. And then one of the best scenes in recent memory followed:
Jason showed up and we find out they were both been invited by Hoyt, who has been offered a job in Alaska doing something Hoyt-like (a.k.a. boring). Before he goes, he asked Jess to glamor him into forgetting both her and Jason. Hoyt is one of my least favorite characters by far, and I have to say that this was the most sensible thing he's ever done. And Jessica's heartfelt and heartbreaking goodbye was one of the best moments of the season ("I am fading away ... and going ... going till I vanish from your mind."). Deborah Ann Woll did a great job and I'm glad she received more substantial material this season. And good riddance to Hoyt! Bye, Hoyt! I wish you all the best in Alaska! (He'll probably be back. Ugh.)
The lack of Tru Blood has hit Fangtasia pretty hard and profits are dwindling. With Elijah at the helm, he says a procreation mandate is in effect and there needs to be 30 new vampires in the area or else he's taking Pam's assets, which include Fangtasia and her progeny, Tara. Pam and Tara were not in the mood to "make" anyone, so instead of letting Pam take the fall, Tara and Ginger (I love you and your knack for unnecessarily screaming) created a clever set-up. Ginger pretended to be a girl who Tara tried to make into a vampire who might be dead, and when Elijah got close enough, Ginger stabbed him with a silver dagger and then Tara decapitated him with a sword. Normal "True Blood" occurrences. I thought he was snarky enough to last until the finale, but I guess it was just his time. And Tara's "No one fucks with us in our house" was golden. Pam and Tara are the dream team. De Beaufort/Thorton 2012!
Over at the Authority, after much trouble, Bill managed to convert Eric to the dark side after Eric and Nora have a vision of Godric, who tells them that following Lilith will lead to destruction. In the vision, Lilith showed up, ripped open Godric's throat, and tore his head clean off, leaving her covered in his bloody remains. I'm glad the Authority/Lilith story has picked up momentum, but I can't tell who the big bad is. Is it Salome? Is it Lilith, who technically doesn't actually exist? Or is it Russell again, who has decided that he's totally over Lilith now and wants to harvest fairy blood so that he can be a daywalker just like on "The Vampire Diaries?" (When's the crossover episode, you guys??) Also, I'm still trying to determine who is going to be the hero. Technically Bill (and now Eric) could be faking this entire conversion thing, but if they're not, who is going to save them? Sookie doesn't seem very powerful, and fairies on this show are too scared to really do anything for that matter. I have a feeling that Pam and Tara could be the saviors. Maybe Jessica too. We'll see.
Sam and Luna seem to be making headway in retrieving Emma from Steve and Russell. After shifting into mice, they've managed to sneak into Authority headquarters, where Emma is being kept. Not wanting to stay a wolf puppy forever, Emma shifts back into human form and Steve is not for that whatsoever. His clap and yelling, "Bad puppy!" to this little girl was utter perfection. Steve Newlin, you're probably not going to last to the next season, so I'm glad that I'm enjoying every second you're on my screen.
Oddly enough (or is it, really?), Sookie's storyline is the only one that doesn't seem to fit into the rest. Jason, being the wonderful cop he is, uncovered a thin box under the floor under his Gran's bed (I was hoping for Ollivander's lost wand, but I'll make due with a piece of parchment with a bunch of glyphs on it.) After an unsuccessful consultation with a college professor, they decided to turn to Claude, who introduces them to Maurella, a 500-year-old fairy. She informed them that the paper is actually a contract between one of Sookie's ancestors and Mr. M. Warlow (!!!), granting the latter the former's first fae-bearing female heir, and that's Sookie. Well, that explains a lot, but I still don't see any connection to the rest of the season's stories. Maybe there'll be one, or maybe Sookie will just continue on doing her thing without any interaction with anyone else besides Jason and a bunch of fairies.
Besides the lack of cohesion between Sookie's fairy happenings and the rest of the episode, I'm completely loving where this season is heading. The final stretch is upon us, and shit is going down. Blood will be shed. Lots of it. It's just a matter of whose, because other than Sookie, Bill, and Eric, everyone is on the chopping block and no one is safe.
Maybe I liked the episode so much because Alcide and any corresponding werewolf stories were completely MIA. I like him on my screen, but he's probably the most boring regular character on the show.
Molly is the first one on the "Will Most Likely Die By Season's End" list to bite the bullet. If Hoyt actually did bid goodbye to Bon Temps for good, then I say that counts as dying. But if he returns for some unbeknownst reason, he's as good as dead, but legitimately this time.
Steve and Russell slow dancing among heaps of corpses was so romantic in that weird way, you know?
Let's not have Jason break down in tears ever again because it is really too much to handle!
The shot of Jessica grudgingly slipping on her brightly colored flip flops was just another reminder that she is still just a teenager.
Tara: "So, what then? You let Elijah take everything for you? The money? The bar? Me?
Pam: "He can have the fuckin' bar. What's it worth at this point? You and me, we live in the wind, just like I did with Eric. We don't need this place. It's four walls and plaster. That's all."
Tara: "I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no baby vampires!"
Elijah: "Ice your clam."
P.S. "Ice your clam" is my new catchphrase.
P.P.S. I can't believe I referenced both "The Vampire Diaries" and "Harry Potter" in this recap. Who am I?