I was glad to see civility make headlines last month, in the wake of the Tucson tragedy. If only the discussion had gone deeper.
The torrent of calls for civil speech and behavior, while admirable, barely touched on the questions that could turn those calls into action. Like most issues that suddenly burst into public awareness, civility may quickly fade back into obscurity without our addressing it.
So let's look at two of the questions. What makes us so uncivil? And what can we do to change?
In terms of causes, there's plenty of blame to go around. The warp-speed pace of our culture leaves no time for even the small gestures that convey openness and respect for others. Our casual approach to nearly everything, from dress codes at work to forms of address, seems to have dispensed not only with expressions of respect but respect itself. On a broader scale, many blame our political climate with its frequent personal attacks and refusal to give an inch. Others point the finger at religion, and for good reason: the track record of institutional faith -- with the Crusades, virulent anti-gay rhetoric, the destruction of temples and countless other horrors -- is checkered at best.
Yet religion is not a monolith. In fact, other aspects of faith can directly address the most fundamental cause of incivility: the one we glimpse in the mirror every morning.
The connection between ego and incivility is so simple to articulate and so difficult to resolve. I can treat you with respect, openness and honor if nothing blocks me from doing so. What usually blocks me is my own self-interest: my needs, my vested interests, my sacred cows. I can respect your need for coffee ad infinitum unless you're in front of me in line (and taking too long to place your order). I can respect your opinion as long as it agrees with mine. I can agree to your land use unless it deprives me of my comfort, whether you were here first or not. Yes, we have developed conventions for dealing with these issues -- taking turns, engaging in dialogue, negotiating agreements -- but the loss of civility is impinging on the ability of these conventions to work.
What if we address the issue at its root?
Here is where I believe religion can play a key role: many of the spiritual disciplines it prescribes have a way of detaching us from our self-interest. Buddhists and Hindus have known this for millennia. Our unhappiness, according to their traditions, stems from attachments to self in its various aspects: beliefs and thoughts, circumstances and social position, even our own bodies. A goal of disciplines like mindfulness (focusing one's entire attention on the present moment) and meditation is to free our minds from these attachments.
In Western faiths, spiritual practices aim less toward non-attachment than toward "reattachment" to someone or something outside ourselves. In the Christian tradition, silent prayer -- focusing solely on a word like Jesus or love -- draws us away from ourselves and into a focus on the Divine. The praying and chanting of sacred texts, like the Hebrew Psalms, in a fixed order focus our worship on thoughts that, as often as not, have nothing to do with our mood that day.
How can all this make us more civil? By shifting our most fundamental perspectives. As we pursue these practices, we relax our iron grip on our ego and the things that we think define us. We begin to see ourselves for who we are: one person among billions, with one person's set of perspectives and beliefs. We grow to see that the beliefs and concerns of others, even those who disagree with us, may have merit as well. We may still subscribe to our way of thinking -- even passionately -- but now it doesn't have a chokehold on us. That gives us the freedom to set it aside, however temporarily, to reach across divides and treat our "adversaries" with respect.
Now imagine what might happen if people of faith explored spiritual practices like these on a mass scale. It could, quite simply, make faith a tremendous force for civility and dialogue in our toxic public square -- a stark contrast to religion's often uncivil past. By taking up this call, we would be responding to one of the most fundamental imperatives of so many religions: to heal and transform the world.
Religion as a force for good. It is, I daresay, what the founders intended.
Follow John Backman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/backwrite
After the Storms of January, Civility Settles Over City Hall
Meet the New Civility...same as the Old Civility
Civility: Not a Traditional American Value
Punch Your Friends app another blow to civility
No, the original intent was to get the gods on your side, in order to make it easier for you to slay others in battle, lay waste their cities and carry off their women in bondage.
As but one example of "not always".
Indeed, can something that destroys civility make us civil?
Great irony, there--however unintended.
(Same answer as when Woody Allen was asked if sex was dirty.)
As we become familiar with the doubts that arise...we slip into a forgetful state that breeds fear and hate and clouding our perceptions of what our World is... and WHO we really are.. It's no mistake that we all occupy this wonderful planet....at this time in History.The Most amazing Events in the history of our Human Race are about to occur....A Global Transformation...A Change that can already be felt energetically .throughout the world.....Political Leaders are scrambling to keep our attention away from this "Event'
It has nothing to do with Religion.........Politics ,Science and Religion will all be exposed for the frauds they really are.....WAKE UP AMERICA.....MEDITATE.... and you'll know what to do!!
The ONLY hope we have is that each person individually....finds that place within our innermost being where the boundaries of YOU and ME no longer exist to dominate our conscious awareness that we call our MIND.................EGO has been a 'useful tool' for Humans to make great things happen as a focal point for the development of MIND .
Most people have forgotten it was a 'useful tool' ......Every Spiritual Leader has POINTED to the Answer that we all seek......Instead of exploring our innermost being and RECONNECTING to that place inside of us where the "TRUTH' will be found....Our Ego looks at the pointing finger and compares that digit to another digit... ,analyzing every detail and noticing how different each one is....
Religion, at it's best, helps people find appropriate humility. That doesn't mean that atheists or other non-religious cannot find appropriate humility as well. The methods used are just different. Having a time honored method of finding such humility can be useful, but it isn't necessary. One can often think themselves into appropriate humility.
None of us has perfect knowledge and any decision to follow a violent course should be proceeded by much reflection. Unfortunately, any person (religious or not) is capable of acting out of perceived short term self interest, and can come to see that self interest as "right." For those who use God or gods in their religion, humility is found in understanding Divine superiority. The danger is that individuals may substitute their own temporary conclusions about what God wants for what She really wants. For a person for whom divinity is irrelevant, the danger lies in an unjustified belief that their thought process has considered all possibilities, when it is actually biased towards short term self interest. Yes, religion is often misused as a method to oppress those without power, but it doesn't have to be used that way. Atheistic communism was used to oppress, but atheism doesn't have to be used that way.
I would say that Buddhism which is in fact not a religion per se, has the rigorous approach to consider everyone as sacred and non violence the rule.. that takes away the envy to go on a crusade....
Of course Jesus was well versed into the practices of buddhism and what used to be the peace of hinduism and so his message was to love your neighbor as yourself, a practice which has been... er... slightly forgotten from some christians... :D
I use the word "never" very, very sparingly. I think it is one of the most over-used words in the English language.
But I wonder whether I would ever be happy at being compared to Deepak Chopra. I'm trying to imagine such a thing. It's difficult.