John Baxter

In what is being called the death knell of Rick Santorum's much-ballyhooed campaign to win delegates from America's westernmost territories, sources say that Mitt Romney has walked away victorious in the Guam and American Samoa primaries, and appears likely to wrestle the Northern Mariana Islands from Santorum's grip as well....

As the race for the GOP nomination enters the home stretch, sources say the campaign strategies of both Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum are now aggressively targeting the all-important demographic of conservative working class voters who like Republicans who hate them.

Said one Santorum campaign staffer:

"Unlike his fellow...

During a recent televised conversation between Piers Morgan and former teen idol turned homophobic Fundamentalist Christian Kirk Cameron on CNN, it was determined that Cameron's very existence argued persuasively against Darwin's theory of evolution via natural selection.

The controversial interview, in which Cameron assailed homosexuality as threatening the very foundations...

In the wake of the recent Jeremy Lin/ESPN fiasco, right-wing pundit Glenn Beck continues to vent a torrent of manufactured rage against ESPN for what he calls their "failure to exercise their First Amendment right to free speech by not choosing to not fire a writer who used the Asian...

To the self-proclaimed Tea Party voters of America's middle class, potential GOP nominee Rick Santorum offers a tantalizingly rich smorgasbord of traditionally undesirable leadership traits: Hypocritical political opportunism, smug defiance of the law of contradiction, and the ability to proffer sound bites containing hopelessly illogical, potentially catastrophic, and mercifully unworkable...

If Mitt Romney wants to continue as frontrunner for the looming GOP nomination, he'd better hurry up and pretend to find some common ground with Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Charles Krauthammer, according to Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Charles Krauthammer.

The three high-profile conservative pundits sounded off recently about...

In response to a question from CNN's John Hill regarding the Pentagon's proposal to expand the combat role of American servicewomen, former Pennsylvania Senator and current GOP Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum displayed his formidable powers of speculation by imagining several militarily-deleterious scenarios that he felt one could posit are conceivably...

Hip-hop heavyweight Flo Rida continues to dazzle the music world with his unique blend of creative parasitism and unmitigated gall as Good Feeling, his sample of a Pretty Lights sample-inspired sample of an Etta James standard by Swedish DJ/mixer Avicci, began a rapid ascent of the Billboard charts this week....

After admitting to his involvement in the screening of the paranoid anti-Muslim film The Third Jihad as a counter-terrorism training tool for at least 1,500 NYPD officers in 2010, Commissioner Ray Kelly defended his decision as "the only way to finally tamp down the pro-Islamic fervor that had taken root...

Jay Z and Beyonce have triumphantly followed their basic biological directives, resulting in the birth of Homo Sapiens number 108,249,347,846. Proud papa Jay Z immediately made a successful bid to become the first human being in 50,000 years of sentience to conjure up an original thought concerning the most commonplace...

Experts say the size of the font used by The New York Times for its now daily Egyptian uprising cover story headlines has shown an increase at roughly the same rate as the increase in the number of protesters pouring into Cairo every twenty four hours, suggesting either a startling...

In the wake of protests from delinquent taxpayers about the depressing music that telephone callers to the Internal Revenue Service must endure when they are automatically placed on hold for forty-five minutes, the IRS has issued a statement, which reads, in pertinent part:

"There will be no changes made to...

At a closed-door summit meeting held in St. Tropez last weekend, senior voyeurs and their exhibitionist counterparts hammered out a long-overdue cooperative agreement that promises to usher in a new era of mutual satisfaction between the two parties, both of which expressed extreme regret that their common interests were not...

The mysterious ninety percent of our brains that we don't use is not used because it is useless, a scientific panel announced this week. Said project leader Dr. Antoine Abalone of the panel's findings: "After two years of round the clock scientific investigation, we have determined that we only use...

A storied tradition of the illicit white-powder-variety drug trade may soon be history, industry sources say. The practice of field-testing product purity by opening the suitcase, pulling a switchblade, and then roughly slicing open one of the plastic-covered bundles of white powder and tasting the end of the knife is...

You can't believe everything you hear, as someone once said, but apparently that unidentified someone was wrong for once, they are now saying, because information of any kind from anonymous sources is said to be completely reliable.

The word is that generic advice on important matters, news of improbable scientific...

Fifty-eight year old hackney carriage operator Quentin Armstrong thought he knew every inch of his taxi's interior like the back of his hand, so when he recently dropped his cell phone on the floor and turned the steering over to his left knee while he bent down to retrieve the...

Sanitation workers who cleaned up Manhattan after the 2010 St. Patrick's Day Parade were moved almost to tears when they saw what this year's crowd had left behind: thousands upon thousands of used plastic spring water bottles that had been carefully recycled as emergency urine containment vessels.

"Until about ten...

According to sources, a fascinating Hollywood ritual has been taking place each year for the past eight decades at which prominent members of the film community gather to lampoon themselves and their craft by staging an elaborate "roast" cleverly framed as a lavish tribute to the mere fact of their...

A group of retired major leaguers has asked Congress to investigate allegations of rampant performance-diminishing drug use in Major League Baseball. The group claims that players who use substances that impair performance such as marijuana, LSD, ecstasy, heroin, crystal meth, crack, hallucinogenic mushrooms, angel dust, mescaline, peyote, and Morning Glory...