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John Blumenthal

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Are You Trying Too Hard to Make Your Kids Think You're Cool?

Posted: 11/09/11 08:34 AM ET

If you're a parent and you're over 50, your kids will not be duped into thinking you're cool if you imitate their clothing style, adopt their slang and embrace their culture. Maybe you were hip in 1969 when you were rolling around in the mud at Woodstock, but the mere fact that you're now over 50 means that achieving the level of coolness that your kids and their friends enjoy is an impossible goal for one reason - you're over fifty. And yes, if you understood what I meant by the word "hip" you've just dated yourself.

For starters, please stop using the word "awesome". You should know better. The Great Wall of China is awesome. Ordinary, mundane things are not awesome. If you're an educated adult, you're probably aware that the English language contains more than one adjective. Try to imagine that it's the Sixties and your parents are overusing terms like "far out", "outa sight", and "groovy". Dumb as those words are, they were our words.

Stop wearing torn jeans. On the kids, they look cool; on you they look like you fall down a lot.

Get rid of the flip flops and wear sensible, adult shoes. Your kids have lovely, smooth, young-looking feet; yours are probably veined or bony or swollen or bulging with unsightly bunions. If you're a fifty-year-old guy, you may even have a trace of toenail fungus. Who wants to see that? Going back to the Sixties again, try to imagine your father going to the office in Frye boots.

If you grew up during the Golden Age of Rock, you can't possibly like hip hop or rap music, so stop pretending that you do. Snoop Dog will never be as good as Led Zeppelin. Paul McCartney should retire. And let's face it -- there's nothing more idiotic than an adult jumping up and down in a mosh pit like a gray-haired jack-in-the box. For one thing, you might pull a muscle or go home with a stress fracture because you're not fifteen anymore and your limbs have been through half a century of wear and tear.

Dad, the three-day stubble is cool, but not if it's gray. You'll just look like you forgot to shave. Mom, Lady Gaga can get away with those hairdos; you can't. People will think you escaped from an asylum.

In your vocabulary, the term "hooking up" should only be used to describe a process involving a pick up truck and a speedboat. And if you're old enough to be a member of AARP, the word "dude" should only be used if it's followed by the word "ranch".

Here's the bottom line: If you've been a good parent - loving, nurturing, supportive -- your kids will always think you're cool, but in a different, more significant way. Trying to be their parent and their cool friend is hopeless and unnecessary. You had your time to be cool; now it's theirs.

 
 
 
If you're a parent and you're over 50, your kids will not be duped into thinking you're cool if you imitate their clothing style, adopt their slang and embrace their culture. Maybe you were hip in 196...
If you're a parent and you're over 50, your kids will not be duped into thinking you're cool if you imitate their clothing style, adopt their slang and embrace their culture. Maybe you were hip in 196...
 
 
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thebigbike
ran away to be a cowboy
05:59 PM on 11/21/2011
No caps on backwards. no skinny jeans no huge basketball shoes ( or for that matter the new vans that look like the old keds from the late 50's, that's for them or the new versions of converse chuck taylors either) no skinny tank tops no diddy bop hats no stingy brim hats no porkpie hats no hipster hats NO Justin Bieber haircuts
04:56 PM on 11/15/2011
No flip flops... Seriously? I guess I'm uncool but then again I'm a few years away from fifty!
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frank day
Obama cares about all of U.S.
10:12 AM on 11/13/2011
Be who you are.
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02:31 AM on 11/13/2011
Good article - someone had to say it and I'm glad you did, John. I was quite happy for my father to wear his bright red polyester Sears slacks and not say things like "that's cool". Red slacks and all, he had his own identity as the grown up, proud to have gone through his rite of passage from child to adult. The red slacks may be long gone, but the valuable lesson shown to me is not. Let kids be the kids or they'll feel there's little to look up and forward to in being an adult.
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runtwelds
Father, Educator, & Artist
09:40 PM on 11/12/2011
Intriguing, this article is clearly from an authority on no longer being cool: former Playboy editor. Now if he were current...
08:41 PM on 11/12/2011
maybe ill stll call myself SMASH AUTHORITY when im fifty, im alredy afraid about growing up
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Mr Anonymous
Mumpsimus, I am not entertained!
03:49 PM on 11/12/2011
Don't be the cool dad. Just do your job a be a dad. Problem solved.
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Amy Fleischer
04:23 AM on 11/12/2011
This article seems absurd. It doesn't matter WHAT you look like, even at 50 or over.

Both my grandparents have to be the coolest people I know, and have every had the honor of knowing.
12:35 PM on 11/11/2011
part 3 of 3

This generation thinks wearing an extremely lame t-shirt is ironic, well, they can have that trend. Lame is lame, whether you want to claim it as ironic or not. These days I see kids wearing Iron Maiden t-shirts as well. They probably grabbed mine from the thrift store, and they can have them. Who is biting off whom now?

So understand
Don't waste your time
Always searching for those wasted years
Face up...make your stand
And realize you're living in the golden years

On a side note, in the sixties Charles Mingus talked about the use of the word "groovy" being dated. He claimed a jazz d-jay coined that term in the 1930's. Apparently the jazz crowd used to talk about being "grooved" by a chick, so the d-jay would advertise the Coconut Grove saying "everyone is groovy down at the Coconut Grove." What is hip?
11:24 AM on 11/16/2011
prez invented cool
11:27 AM on 11/20/2011
in a pork pie hat no less
12:34 PM on 11/11/2011
part 2 of 3

While I believe in an evolving sense of style, some things are timeless. I own two tailored suits, one black and one navy, and a dark green sport coat. Grown men should have a leather wallet, a nice watch (with hands, not digital), a pair of leather shoes, a wool overcoat, and a pocket knife.
Shakespeare said a well dressed man is "one whose clothes you never notice." I think he was right. Flashiness screams insecurity, subtlety whispers confidence. That's why the old black guys I see in cotton suits and pork pie hats will always be cooler than the next wave of hipsters. Ryan Goseling is the only young celebrity these days who seems to get this. He wears great clothes, but more importantly he wears his clothes well.

I have to admit, the one thing I've been doing since I was thirteen is wear a hat forward and cocked to the left, because that's what Rick from Casablanca did (still the coolest guy ever).My question is, why would anyone want to dress like kids today anyway?
12:32 PM on 11/11/2011
part 1 of 3

I agree with some of the things Mr. Blumenthal wrote. A Valley-girl vocabulary is ridiculous, but if I never hear another Led Zeppelin song ever again I'll be okay with that. It's important to grow as a person throughout life. Emulating younger generations is not growing, nor is stagnating in the culture of one's youth. While I make no claims to be cool, I am a man and I enjoy being a man.

As I've aged my tastes in clothes, music, art, and literature have grown as well. I'll never wear tapered jeans, pastel t-shirts, jams, or flip-flops (flip-flops, by the way were never cool) or listen to 80's college music, watch Miami Vice, or read J.D. Salinger. Nor will I wear baggy jeans, XL shirts, puffy basketball shoes or jump in the pit, or eat Taco Bell or read Hunter S. Thompson. Those phases of my life are over and done with. At the same time, I have no interest in J.K. Rowling, cargo shorts, golf shirts, sports gear, pleated pants, or button-down collars. I have my own sense of style & I don't care if today's hipsters don't like my casual utility shirts and flat front pants that fit me correctly.
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onwisconsin
Trust women; protect choice.
02:58 PM on 11/17/2011
I'll agree with most of that, having evolved what I hope is a timeless style myself with tailored clothing that looks great on me. I change accessories with the fashion trends if I like them and they complement my look. Otherwise, I know what looks good on my tall, rather angular, frame.

But I have to disagree with you about Rowling. I began with reading those with my kids. They intrigued my youngest who, at the time, was not that interested in reading. Having found that set of books, I used that as a guide to seek others of the same genre. He began to read for pleasure and he did well in school. He's now a physician in his residency. Those Harry Potter books set him on the road to success academically and for that I am most grateful.
11:19 AM on 11/20/2011
Hey, that's great that you & your kids dug Harry Potter. Congrats on successfully nurturing your son's passion for reading. My point was more that my tastes lie outside what's popular and that I had moved away from young adult literature by the time those books were written, not a critique of Rowling's writing. Can't really critique something I haven't read, right?
11:20 AM on 11/11/2011
Oh yeah...forgot to add: My mother (who is now 72) celebrated her 30th birthday at Woodstock.
11:08 AM on 11/11/2011
I am a music/pop culture photojournalist. I'm 51. I wear flip flops and beat up Chucks. I live in rock band (or comic) t-shirts and jeans/cargos. I say "awesome" and "wicked" and "word". I rock out in the pit, and have barricade bruises to prove it. I help my three kids with their homework every night. I go to parent-teacher conferences. I ground them when they break the rules, but I chose my battles very carefully. I bake cupcakes with them. I sit and hold them when they cry. I care for them when they are ill.I am their mother, not their friend, even when I take them to concerts or comic cons. I am "cool" because I am true to who I am. I hope they learn from my example and not what someone in HuffPost tells them.

Screw your rules.
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highhymes
11:45 AM on 11/11/2011
Ditto on all accounts. BTW, my teenage daughters think Led Zepplin is better than Snoop, and I think Rage Against the Machine is the best of all time (no offense to my number 2 Led Zepplin).
12:51 PM on 11/11/2011
Rock on! My kind of lady...true to herself and not afraid to be who she is.
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nikolasoddfellow
Well la de freakin da !!!
11:00 AM on 11/11/2011
Never mind this article. Just be yourself. Don't be fake but be yourself no matter what that self is. You are never too old to be original and or "cool". It's not like once you hit 50 you are given a guide book to old age and given a list of do's and donts and a list of what to wear and what not to wear. Enjoy what life you have left. It's yours. Own it.
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Aodhan51
Call me Aodhan51; Ishmael was taken...
10:48 AM on 11/11/2011
My kids think I'm as cool as a three-day old donut.