Poland: "You people are a heck of a lot smarter than the jokes."
Ireland: "I thought I'd see more guys wearing plaid dresses."
Germany: "Chancellor Merkel was kind enough to give me a tour of a Luftwaffe air base."
China: "I thanked the President for sending us so many computer geeks."
Israel: "President Nathan Yahoo assured me that settlements on the Left Bank will continue to grow."
France: "I thanked the French for their cultural contributions to the world -- French dressing, plaster of Paris, Belgian waffles and the guillotine."
Iran: "My talks with President Asher Minivan were very productive. He assured me that his country's relations with Israel will always be kosher."
Japan: "Sorry fellas, when I said JAP, I meant Jewish American Princess. They didn't get that one in Israel either."
Russia: "I thanked President Rasputin for naming Leningrad after one of the Beatles."
Georgia: "Savannah has always been one of my favorite cities."
India: "Why isn't there any beef on the menu?"
Vietnam: "I promise the Vietnamese people who, when I am elected President, I will do all I can to help them rebuild the great city of Saigon."
Bora Bora: "If I may indulge in a little humor, Bora Bora is Boring Boring."
Sweden: "So when do I get my Nobel Prize?"
Italy: "President Berlusconi offered to show me the latest Italian submarine but I declined because I don't care much for sandwiches."
The Czech Republic: "When I am elected President, I will do my utmost to reunite the Czech Republic with the great country of Slovakia, so we can all say Czechoslovakia again."
Spain: "I am a Francophile!"
Switzerland: "As President, I will do everything in my power to make sure the Swiss Navy remains strong and powerful."
Namibia: "You folks don't still eat people do you?"
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