Given that the United States is now the proud owner of 61% of General Motors, and given that I am one of the 300 million new owners, I have some strong opinions about what to do with my fractional ownership stake. It's true that my share is quite tiny, but since I have your attention here (I do have your attention, don't I?), I'd like to convince as many of my 299,999,999 co-owners as possible to join me in a taxpayer/shareholder initiative that makes some slightly more forward-looking management decisions than the former ownership.
And while it is true that I don't have much (any) experience in running an auto company, I would point out that the previous management of GM managed themselves into a position that amply demonstrates that no experience might be marginally better than deep experience. Focusing only on the quarterly bottom line hasn't worked out so well for the long term health of the company, has it?
First I have some ideas for revamping existing models. Tesla Roadster move over and meet the new All-Electric, high performance Chevrolet Corvette. Our new Corvette will continue to build on an American Classic in a way that establishes a new standard for what it means to be a classic. A classic model of efficiency, low impact, the best technology and a humble consumer of resources. All while going zero to 60 in 4 or 5 seconds. Can we do it? ¡Si, se puede!
Are you tired of hauling your soccer team around in a minivan that gets around 15 mpg? I know I am. I've been waiting for Toyota or Honda to bring a hybrid minivan onto the market for years. I will never understand why the leaders in hybrid technology have ignored this enormous niche in the American car market. A hybrid in this category holds the potential of taking megatons of CO2 out of the atmosphere. Well move over, Japan. You waited too long. We're bringing out the all new Malibu Minivan, our latest plug-in hybrid. No need to burn fuel for those short trips to and from school, soccer practice, piano lessons, dinner and back home. Run on electric power the whole way. But when you're off on vacation to see the grandparents, extended range is available through our gas electric hybrid engine.
And because we care about our community, we will make sure that new jobs generated in the clean energy economy will be American jobs in communities that were devastated by our financial collapse. Our bad! Really. Sorry about the trouble we caused going through bankruptcy, but that was the previous management. Now we need people to do research and development on battery technology. And we need manufacturing capacity for batteries and all of the new technology parts we will be requiring. We aren't going to become the best auto company in the world by waiting for our sunk capital to depreciate on obsolete assembly lines. We need to stimulate business with suppliers and partners throughout the country.
And let me also take this opportunity to apologize for our former management putting out the Silverado and Tahoe and calling them hybrids. We know that was a stretch. Burning less gas while idling is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but we know it was misleading. Oh they eventually ramped up the hybrid drive a bit, but nothing to write home about. The new management is committed to real efficiency.
None of this will work without us, the owners, building cars for us, the consumer and us, the consumer supporting the marketplace for the best electric and hybrid vehicles in the world. Made by us. For us. In the U.S.
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