"The Most Shocking Story You Will Ever Read!" -- Why Clinton's National Enquirer Strategy Is Bound to Fail

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When an outhouse-supply rag like The National Enquirer trumpets a headline like "The Most Shocking Story You Will Ever Read!", as it does in its current issue, its 7-11 readers have every right to expect something truly juicy -- hard-core proof that Elvis' ghost impregnated Katie Couric during a Satanic orgy in Dick Cheney's dungeon, at the very least. After all, the Enquirer has a reputation to maintain.

But alas, tucked in between "Mary-Kate Olsen's Drunken Binge" and Steve-O from Jackass snorting coke off some woman's thigh, "The Most Shocking Story You Will Ever Read!" -- or TMSSYWER, for short -- turns out to be a classic bait-and-switch job on a number of levels. It's the very same cynical and dehumanizing strategy that Harold Ickes is running on behalf of Hillary Clinton -- just keep drearily rehashing the non-existent "Reverend Wright scandal" and hope for the best (or the worst). And, just as the Enquirer's readership continues to plunge, so too does the future of Clinton's political campaign, in a colossal twin belly-flop. It's a marriage made in tabloid heaven.

I wrote last week about this "Obama Fathers Two-Headed Gay Terrorist Baby" strategy -- a last-ditch attempt by the sleaziest hacks in the media (and the campaign) to squeeze out a few more pitiful bucks (and votes) from the dregs of the Jeremiah Wright story. In the Enquirer's case, TMSSYWER -- delightfully subtitled "Destroy All White People!" -- turns out to be a noxious piece of journalistic three-card-monte. Too tedious and absurd to recount in detail, basically it says that Reverend Wright is admired by a Union Theological Seminary professor named James Cone, who in turn has written some incendiary black-power books -- and that Obama has "failed to speak out" about this utter non-story. It then stretches this very thin gruel even further: "Cone's chilling rhetoric finds a home in the hate speech of other radical leaders, including the Nation of Islam's Louis Farrakhan. He has referred to Jews, Koreans, Vietnamese, and others as 'bloodsuckers'..."

Following this so far? It's Obama-to-Wright-to-Cone-to-Farrakhan -- sounds like a triple-play combo in a UN softball game. But it doesn't stop there. Once the Enquirer has hopscotched from Obama to Wright to Cone to Farrakhan, without bothering with the pesky business of making actual connections, they jump not one but two more spaces: "During a speech at Howard University -- where the Rev. Wright received his bachelor's and master's degrees -- Khalid Abdul Muhammad, then a spokesman for the Nation of Islam, lauded the actions of mass murderer Colin Ferguson. 'I love Colin Ferguson, who killed all those white folks on the Long Island train,' he said."

So -- there's your real TMSSYWER: National Enquirer links Obama to mass murderer Colin Ferguson!

By that tabloid "logic," I too have a scoop for Huffington Post readers: a TMSSYWER of my own.

"Hillary Clinton was born in Chicago, Illinois, in 1947 -- the very same city in which psycho-killer Richard Speck would brutally murder eight nurses...only nine years later! Some Internet posters even claim that Clinton 'spoke admiringly' about Speck -- but so far, despite the links, Clinton has refused to denounce him!"

Of course, as slime-meister Harold Ickes told Time magazine about the Reverend Wright scandal-that-isn't: "Nobody thinks that Barack Obama harbors those thoughts. But that's not the issue. The issue is what Republicans will do with them." By openly appealing to the lowest form of mob rule, Ickes has finally said what many of us have suspected for some time: that Clinton has abandoned any hope of winning on merit, and can only hope to appeal to what's lowest and most vile in the electorate.

It must drive the aptly-named Harold Ickes, and others of his Ickes-ilk, absolutely crazy that the American public has been so dignified and rational in refusing to snap at the Reverend Wright bait. It's like some terrible sudden breakdown in the Pavlov Machine! Damn! We flashed the Scary-Black-People signal, and the voters aren't barking in fear! So even after the Reverend Wright news-cycle has passed, Clinton strategists have nothing more positive or uplifting to offer than this straw-man fear of the Right-Wing Attack Machine.

Maybe they don't want to believe that Americans have become a little more tolerant and a little less fearful when it comes to race-baiting. But I'm starting to believe they have. And, if my hope is confirmed, that will truly be The Most Shocking Story That I Have Ever Read.

Comments

[kira181]

I'm not following the connections being made here.

You read a story in The National Enquirer which (absurdly) connected Obama to a murderer. This is supposed to demonstrate how low Clinton is willing to go to smear Obama.

Because Hillary -- or someone connected to Hillary -- is a writer at The National Enquirer? This paper publishes nothing without checking with Hillary? What about that 500-pound baby from Mars with uncanny neurosurgical skills yet very little common sense? Hillary, again?

Then, as if this clear-cut Clinton-Enquirer connection weren't enough, you discover that Harold Ickes told Time that (essentially) no one believes any of this crap about Obama but what the Republicans might do with it is an issue. Kind of like when the Obama campaign mentions Hillary's issues that could hurt the party in the national election. Normal campaign BS.

Except for The Secret Code. The one which translates every single Clinton utterance to: Black people are scary. We don't like them and neither should you.

Do you really believe all this stuff or do you just enjoy riffing on The National Enquirer which is -- let"s face it --a treasure trove of material?

I think it's a dangerous game to play. It's manipulative, as well. (Dear Reader: Hillary is definitely behind this ridiculous story and Harold Ickes is definitely speaking in code but you are all too smart to fall for their tricks. I'm proud of you. Have a cookie.)

[PistonMoaned]

"And, if my hope is confirmed, that will truly be The Most Shocking Story That I Have Ever Read."

Feels good, doesn't it?

[PioneerKing]

Dude they did snap at the Rev. Wright bait. Sen. Obama will never win in November.

[jules7212]

John, I'm speechless. I can't even find the words to utter my disgust. Shame on them.

[AsaNisMasa]

I heard hillary clinton breathes oxygen just like Stalin and Hitler! Why isn't she denouncing them?

[GrainOSand]

John:

Thank you for a great treatment of the con game that we are all witnessing. The crescendo of your post that,

"Americans have become a little more tolerant and a little less fearful when it comes to race-baiting"

(Although I keep hoping for acceptance over tolerance as tolerance suggests biding one's time until one can determine how to eliminate what they are forced to tolerate.)

would not only be "The Most Shocking Story That I Have Ever Read" it would be:

A real surge for America;
A striking transformation in national morality and unity;
A necessary occurrence if we are to successfully tackle the numerous complex issues facing the nation and the world;
A collective sigh of relief for a nation burdened far too long by the issues of what Condoleezza Rice referred to as the nation"s "Birth Defect";

and,

A signal to the rest of the world that America is the strongest it has ever been because its citizens are making every effort to be one nation vs. the tossed salad we have existed as far too long. The terrorist would be shivering in their boots because they like the people who run con games count on division within the populace.

[JohnEskow]

Beautifully put.

[gjklbc]

It's pathetic that it's come to this. What's even worse is the fact that for years now, we democrats, have always felt that, at least, we weren't the hypocrits that the Republicans were. Thanks to Hillary and Ickes, we now have the stink of hypocricy on our side too.
How is she ever going to try to put the banner asa champion of civil rights back on with a straight face without the rest of us rolling our eyes at the sheer hypocricy of it?
Oh how the the Republicans will scream and we'll either have to defend or deny, just like the fair minded Republicans have done through the last seven years of the outrageous Bush administration.
Once this primary season is over, we'll all need a very long shower to wash the stench of her campaign away.

[nazgul]

"Thanks to Hillary and Ickes, we now have the stink of hypocricy on our side too."

Yup.

[marignymitch]

I'm shocked too! Don't forget the link between Chicago southside crime boss Al Capone and Chicago native Clinton. She hasn't denounced him yet either.

But in my heart-of-hearts I pray that Clinton will hold to the tabloid strategy. It's a boon for Obama.

[PiratePrentiss]

Lets hope the Clintons retire after all this crap they have tried to pull. Good riddance. No more Bushs, No more Clintons. America needs to heal.