THE BLOG
10/14/2013 11:29 am ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Headlines! From May-Not-Be-True News

Dear Loyal Readers,

Thank you for following May Not Be True News. Since we are not an actual newspaper, we have suffered no subscription cancellations. At a time of declining revenues, our profit margin is consistent: no losses whatsoever.

I see a wonderful future on the horizon. Our seasoned "team" of "reporters" will continue to make stuff up in the highest tradition of modern "journalism." In the meantime, please enjoy this collection of recent May Not Be True News headlines. They are no more idiotic than the people and events we cover.

Sincerely,

John K. Herr
CEO and Publisher, May Not Be True News

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CONGRESS APPROVAL RATING DOWN TO ONE PERCENT
Only Members Of Congress Now Approve Of Congress
"This Means We're Winning!" --Both Parties

BOEHNER, REID DENY CONGRESS IS OUT OF TOUCH
Send Fax To Federal Employees Saying "Hang In There"

HISTORY MADE IN WASHINGTON
For First Time, Tea Throws Americans Overboard

EXPERTS: SHUTDOWN MAKES SYRIA INVASION LESS LIKELY
Relieved Americans Now Support Shutdown

NATIONAL ZOO TOLD TO KILL PANDAS
Federal Response To Shutdown Draws Outrage
No World War II Veterans Affected

$634 MILLION WASTED ON OBAMACARE WEBSITE
"Amateurs." --Congress

HEALTHCARE.GOV OFFERS CHOICE OF PLANS
Customers May Pick "404 Page," "Spinning Beachball," Or "Blue Screen Of Death"

SEN. TED CRUZ PROPOSES HEALTH CARE ALTERNATIVE
Patients With Pre-existing Conditions Must Self-Deport
"You Have Choice Of Doctors: Tom Coburn Or Rand Paul"

OBAMA TO TACKLE AMERICA'S HUNGER CRISIS
Replacing Grocery Stores With State-Run "Food Exchanges"
Sen. Ted Cruz Vows 21-Hour Fast

USDA ENCOURAGES DROUGHT-STRICKEN FARMERS
Launches "It Gets Wetter" Campaign

SHERYL SANDBERG OFFERS MORE WORKPLACE ADVICE
Publishes "Sweat Equity, Sweet Equality: How To Maximize Productivity"
Number One Tip: Stop Writing Books On Company Time

SATAN-WORSHIPPING BALLPLAYER POINTS TO GROUND AFTER HOME RUN

BREAKING BAD FINALE SMASHES CABLE RATINGS RECORD
Ties 1984 Rerun Of NBC's The A-Team

MOVIEGOERS AMAZED BY RON HOWARD'S RUSH
Unaware Controversial Talk Show Host Could Fit Into Formula One Car

DAVID BLAINE TO ATTEMPT NEXT STUNT
Magician To Correct Fiancee's Grammar In Public; Will Try To Escape Reprisal

OLIVER WENDELL DOUGLAS CHARGED WITH KIDNAPPING
"You Are My Wife" Deemed Unacceptable Excuse
"Goodbye City Life!" Cries Victim

REP. MICHELE BACHMANN SUFFERS "NIP SLIP"
Huffington Post Web Servers Crash

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