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Abbottabad Is Also a Bad, Bad Poem

Posted: 05/08/11 02:09 PM ET

Most of us would probably feel a bit awkward living in a town named after ourselves. "I'm John Lundberg from Lundberg town just up the road. It's awesome." And I would feel even more awkward writing a poem about how much I loved Lundberg town.

But such is the legacy of James Abbott, a general in the British Army in India in the mid-19th century, after whom Abbottabad is named (it's unclear, but he may have actually named the town after himself). Abbott was so taken by his town that he wrote a rather long and cloying poem about it -- a poem that has been set in stone on a plaque in the Abbottabad town square.

The Guardian's Stephen Moss thinks Abbott's poem is one of the worst ever written, genuinely wondering if "maybe it was written in Urdu and this is a literal translation by someone for whom English is not their first language." Which is also, by the way, something you do not want to hear in a poetry workshop. How bad is it? I don't know that we need to send the SEALs back in to take it out, but it's bad. See for yourself:

I remember the day when I first came here

And smelt the sweet Abbottabad air


The trees and ground covered with snow

Gave us indeed a brilliant show


To me the place seemed like a dream

And far ran a lonesome stream


The wind hissed as if welcoming us

The pine swayed creating a lot of fuss


And the tiny cuckoo sang it away

A song very melodious and gay


I adored the place from the first sight

And was happy that my coming here was right


And eight good years here passed very soon

And we leave you perhaps on a sunny noon


Oh, Abbottabad, we are leaving you now

To your natural beauty do I bow


Perhaps your wind's sound will never reach my ear

My gift for you is a few sad tears


I bid you farewell with a heavy heart

Never from my mind will your memories thwart.

Abbott's poem does gives us a sense -- a disjointed, arrhythmical sense -- of what Abbottabad is like, with its sweet air, lonesome stream, fussy (fussy?) pines, tiny happy cuckoos, and (oh, look!) terrorists. Speaking of which, poor James Abbott would no doubt be quite shaken to learn about this whole bin Laden mess happening in his idyllic, eponymous little town -- so let's hope the news never reaches his eternally resting ear in whatever region of the afterlife he's named after himself.

The lesson here, I guess, is that when you name a town after yourself, you'd better keep an eye on it. There would be no terrorists in Lundberg town (or fussy pines, for that matter). I can promise you that.

 
Most of us would probably feel a bit awkward living in a town named after ourselves. "I'm John Lundberg from Lundberg town just up the road. It's awesome." And I would feel even more awkward writing...
Most of us would probably feel a bit awkward living in a town named after ourselves. "I'm John Lundberg from Lundberg town just up the road. It's awesome." And I would feel even more awkward writing...
 
 
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french queen13
my beloved is mine and I am his
08:52 PM on 05/12/2011
OMG it's bad.

But it doesn't have the extreme, so-bad-it's-good awfulness of the great William McGonagall.

From "The Tay Bridge Disaster":

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the people's hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.
12:32 PM on 05/11/2011
The Guardian's Stephen Moss thinks Abbott's poem is one of the worst ever written, genuinely wondering if "maybe it was written in Urdu and this is a literal translation by someone for whom English is not their first language."

Anyone who has taught poetry to students has experienced worst poems, which is probably why so many English Teachers drink or seriously consider that as an option. Good poems take both talent and skill.

I would bet that poem was written in English, and not translated from Urdu, because of the rhymes.
It has very bad rhymes but no rhythm. My guess is that a translation would at least one good image or metaphor.

General Abbott's poem
Is set in stone
And rhymes without a reason
09:48 AM on 05/10/2011
Interestingly, if one were to replace "8 good years" with six, this poem could be Osama Bin Laden's own words. A foretelling of sorts.
01:45 AM on 05/10/2011
Why is this bad? It is very emotional...someone obviously quite taken by this town and they were saddened to leave it. Exactly what makes it a "bad, bad" poem?
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french queen13
my beloved is mine and I am his
08:56 PM on 05/12/2011
Emotion alone doesn't make good poetry, or good prose. There's no writing skill on display here at all - that's what's bad about it, not the content or feeling displayed.The rhymes are forced and clunky, the meter lousy and the imagery trite. It's beginner's work, amateurish stuff. I mean, "the pine swayed creating a lot of fuss"??? That's just in there to rhyme, it makes no sense and is laughable.
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ProgressivesWin
TeaParty? We don' need no steenkin' TeaParty
02:40 PM on 05/09/2011
This is in the same category as bad limericks.
But to the people of Abbotabad, it may well represent the pinnacle of English literature.
No wonder they hate our freedoms.
11:24 AM on 05/09/2011
this is quite rich

[[[ apperently Abbottabad didnt house any peopel, any fussy locals; they probably left and formed a Khanobad nearby ]]]

it gives credence to the notion ,which still abounded in canada in the 1950's, that the british empire was run by boy scouts and girl guides . why if it had been run by Prussians it might have been efficient or something

who cares that the boundary between Pakistan and Afghanistan is an artifact of the british empire; where's the natural boundary; its like having 1/3 of the population of Quebec in Ontario and a fence between them

if politicians [ americans who obviously want to name pakistan after themselves ] havnt proposed a economic union between pakistan and afghanistan they dont know reality

[ ditto India and pakistan which need to form an economic union ]]
01:02 AM on 05/09/2011
I did not receive the poem-suggested level of exuberance regarding the town as I read Mr. Abbott's poetic description. Its tough to capture concepts of feeling and emotion in words. Many have tried. I give the general credit for trying, though as suggested by Pratitya, to rhyme every line every time is not necessarily sublime.

Peace and love -- from within, below, and above (I could not resist).
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ProgressivesWin
TeaParty? We don' need no steenkin' TeaParty
02:37 PM on 05/09/2011
...and a further effort at poetry will not be...missed...;)
02:10 AM on 05/10/2011
For one who claims or dons the title of poet (and I do not) such is high praise indeed. I take it you are aware of my propensity to mix art forms in expressing myself, otherwise you are extremely clairvoyant. I would also be remiss as a gentlemen with eyes that see if I did not say that the photo accompanying your post is indeed beautiful and that beauty of which I speak is best reflected in the portion of the picture containing the eyes, which emit an innocence, a peace, a joy, and an intelligent understanding of the now rooted in the continuous wisdom of the ages, which we all have. I say this because the picture is of a woman and I am all dude, and I also say this because when poets speak often there is a response. God created poetry for me as a man when God made woman. Not as sexual object of uncontrolled attraction, but as the stuff of poetry, as the fulfillment of life through the relationship of man to woman; as sister to brother, mother to son, intimate to intimate...all of the female gifts bestowed upon humankind.

The above was no poetry, but it was a poetic attempt at humbly saying thanks and be well.
03:18 PM on 05/08/2011
From where I am from this type of poetry is called a "Moon June Spoon" poem.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Roger Ochs
ribald raconteur
02:45 PM on 05/09/2011
Here we call it "Moon, June, Spoon crap.