Really Bad Love Poems Of The Stars

A new poet burst on to the scene this past week. One Jennifer Aniston, whose talents were on display in Star Magazine in the form of an untitled love poem she'd written to boyfriend John Mayer.

"Lucky in love, lucky in love
Didn't forget me when I asked you to leave me
Didn't forget me
Now you're alongside me
You've brought luck to love
I've been hit by a truck in love."

"Hit By a Truck" would be a good title for the poem, actually. Mayer reportedly surprised Aniston by setting her poem to music, though he altered a few lines to make it more "lyrical" (read: less crappy). For his sake, I hope this is the unaltered version.

Aniston joins a proud tradition of celebrities whose romantic verse has been accidentally leaked--or in her case, probably released--to the media. Last New Year's, an entrepreneurial diner picked up a scrap of paper Kate Moss left on the floor of a restaurant bathroom that turned out to be a poem from her drug-addled boyfriend Pete Doherty. Doherty had written the poem on the back of a menu.

"As we go into 2007, it feels like we're in heaven. Pete wearing his black hat and Kate in white silk."

Moss, judging by where she left the poem, was unimpressed. Not that her poetry for him--some of which she published on the website "Full Moon Empty Sportsbag"--is anything to shout about. In one, she laments all the attention Doherty pays to his posse.

"You love them more than you love me
So that's why I could cry all day long
that's why I can't breathe"

They two have (thankfully) since broken up.

Another love poem making news recently was penned by Pink Floyd cofounder Roger "Syd" Barrett to his sweetheart at the time, a girl named Viv Brans. Barrett called it "A chapter in Verse '... they flatter her madly." Compared to Aniston, he reads like a poet laureate.

"Little twig isn't big
To you, but she is
To me.
But however I don't like it
When she makes faces.
And she seldom talks
When we go to places
And meet people
And sit around.
But she prances at dances
Gets crushes, takes chances
With boys, wears a hat
No shoes, and they flatter her
Madly. What of that?
Neat, maroon, blue and white
Lace and chord, velvet. Might
Even keep her coat on if its right.
Next week
All change
To purple
Or black
Perhaps"

After Barrett's death, Brans auctioned off the poem for about 4,600 british pounds--more than 7,000 (!) dollars. It goes to show that if you're hoping to make money with poetry--and maybe they should call this "The Jewel Rule"--get famous for something else first.

As for Doherty, just last week, the rocker reportedly said of his ex: "I miss her so much. I don't even read the papers because of her, I can't look at her. I miss Kate. I can't f**king do anything."

If he really wants her back, here's suggesting he try something other than writing her a poem.

Comments

[JerseyBob]

Painters may well wind up with paint all over themselves when they work. They care less about accidental paint on their clothes than the just right application of paint on a wall or a canvas. Celebrities are like painters, their casual poems clothes they might be comfortable in but would not wear about after work, words their paint.

[Seven7s]

Did that analogy just come to you or do you have many on standby lol

pretty good.

[tcagle]

Glad this riff was not about proctologists.

[JerseyBob]

That's funny; I'm still laughing.

[letstakeawalk]

"Compared to Aniston, he [Syd Barrett] reads like a poet laureate."

I should certainly hope so. Syd Barrett was a groundbreaking musician who attended the Cambridge College of Arts and Technology and the Camberwell School of the Arts in London. His songwriting catapulted The Pink Floyd from being an R&B/cover band to a pop group rivaling the Beatles with the recording of Piper at the Gates of Dawn in 1967 at Abbey Road Studios.

Tragically, mental illness and habitual drug use ruined Syd's ability to perform (watch out, Winehouse!) , but his bandmates continued on, dedicating much of their extraordinary careers to Syd's influence.

Wish you were here, Syd. RIP

[AtomiClash]

Precisely, I was going to highlight the fact that Barrett was ill, and one should not judge his poetic skills too harshly, considering the circumstances under which the piece was written.

Syd was amazing, and one can only imagine the horror of slipping into schizophrenia.

Shine on, you crazy diamond!

[Jude2004]

This is why *I* don't write poetry--or rather, like a lot of people, I did write poetry, showed it to someone who tore it to pieces and then decided against doing it again. I'll remain an appreciator instead of a creator.

[martymartymarty]

Whatever they tore apart was more about their idea of what poetry should be, and had nothing to do with whether you were able to do it or not. Showing private writings to somebody is a courageous act, it is sad that the person you showed it to was stupid about it. Do not let them stop you, if it brings you joy or release keep going with it and worry about the "should" parts of writing poetry only if you are planning to go academic with it and study formally. Whoever you showed it to deserves a slap across the mug with a cold wet cod!