Economy May Force Politicians to Have Sex with Their Own Wives
Ensign: "I did not pay for sex with that woman"
WASHINGTON - Due to the recession, politicians who only a year ago were able to afford prostitutes and mistresses may actually have to engage in sexual acts that do not go beyond the boundaries of law or marital vows.
Economists cite Senator John Ensign (R-NV), a 51-year-old with gray hair, who was forced to borrow $96,000 from his parents to pay off his mistress, dipping not only into his parents' retirement fund, but also into any hopes of affording another mistress.
"$96,000 is a lot for some trim," said one economist. "Even good trim."
He added that most Republican parents want their children to be able to afford things they could never have, like mistresses, and seeing them unable to do so was a source of heartbreak.
Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC) made headlines earlier this year when it was revealed that he kept a mistress in Argentina. But the cost of airfare, apartments and aftershave may now be too high for most governors, not to mention international implications.
"If politicians are forced to have sex at home," said one expert, "it could cause a ripple effect on the mistress-producing nations of the world."
Even that most venerable of political institutions - prostitution - may be hurt by the economy. Experts say that former governor Eliot Spitzer (D-NY), if he were still in office, would most likely be unable to afford the $80,000 he spent on escort services.
"That's too much for today's Democrat," said an expert. "Spitzer would have to settle for sex with his wife while fantasizing that she was an expensive 22-year-old from New Jersey."
Some politicians hope that a second stimulus package will include provisions for extramarital sex, but admit that such hopes are dim. "We need another $787 billion just to fuck around," said one. "We'll probably have to borrow it from Ensign's parents."
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That's so funny. You had me laughing at your title, before I even got to your blog. Too true.
Our economic crisis may lead to a whole new face of politics. If people are no longer drawn to becoming politicians for the money and power (and mistresses
Republican women only have s ex to procreate. Or sin. Or make a tape. It says so in the bible. I mean platform.
There's many power groupies in politics. I'm sure temptation is always in the air. But maybe if they were doing their jobs, they wouldn't have time to be messing around. Another post mentioned how homelessness is on the rise. I really don't think there's many representatives even talking about this. They don't want any issues between them and their flings.
As I understand it, the jobless rate among political mistresses for members of C-House alone
is at 8.5 %. In Argentina, where the economy suffered a severe blow over five years ago,
would be mistresses for Evangelicals are now fearful of even looking for work in their field.
These women wanted to take stimulus money, but there male cohorts wouldn't allow it. Now
they are going to have to look for work among liberals like Harry Reed and Al Franken, who
is reported to be smitten with his own wife. Some of the mistresses who were not given any
severance pay are threatening to take their married lovers to court, Judge Judy's, who they
say would lambast these men as losers and bums.
That may be the punishment they deserve, but it isn't enough!
Think how much the GOP could save if they married woman they actually could sleep with.
Now theses philanders, are going to have to pay more being caught.The
N-o-o-o-o-
First, your are assuming that political wives want or are willing to have sex with their husbands.
Second, Spitzer was already rich. He couldn't afford that escort service on a governor's salary.
The wives of Republican politicians have sex?
Yes, they do; but they avoid having sex with their husband(s).
Hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh...
Haha. Lovely article.
However, I believe that the politicians may even have to settle with just their hands, since having sex with their wives would require their wives to want to have sex with them.
Sex with their wives? what about the boyfriends?
A lot of these Republicans are good ol Catholic boys don't forget.
Great article!
Personally, I look for these politicians to put on airs of being faithful..
YEAH. IT WOULD BE A COMPLETE TRAGEDY FOR THESE POLITICIANS TO BE FAITHFUL HUSBANDS..
Do you understand the concept of satire?
I was using sarcasm to make a valid point. Do you understand the concept of sarcasm?
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