U.S. Begins Search for Something Good to Say About Dick Cheney

Say say say / What you want / But don't play games / With my surveillance

WASHINGTON - The United States has begun a massive effort to find something positive to say about Dick Cheney, the first vice president it has become impossible to talk about without swearing since Aaron Burr.

"It's not easy finding something pleasant to say about this douche bag, I mean, V.P.," said one official, "although if it IS there to be found, I'm sure we will find it. That is, if the bald prick didn't conceal THAT from Congress, too."

"The problem," continued the official, "is that the only way to admire Cheney publicly now is in an ironic, sarcastic way, like 'I love how he side-stepped the entire legislative branch' or 'You gotta love a guy who not only spearheaded warrantless wiretaps, but was so secretive about it he actually hurt counterterrorism surveillance."

Republicans who have publicly been calling the attacks on Cheney a "witch hunt" say that privately all they can say are things like "He looks good in a suit" and "At least he didn't shoot his elderly hunting buddy's entire face off."

President Obama has so far not said anything nice about Cheney, but neither has he indicated a willingness to hold him accountable. Some say that an investigation would undercut national security and give comfort to our enemies, which, according to Cheney, would include the American people and the U.S. Congress.

In lieu of an investigation, officials are considering commemorating Cheney's vice presidency with an all-star memorial, to be broadcast on five networks and feature video clips of water boarding, sleep deprivation, e-mail mining, iPhone tapping and face shooting. Fans could Twitter their favorite Cheney security violations.

This would be followed by Cheney himself appearing on Larry King, who, it was noted, can find something good to say about anyone. "He'll say something like, 'You have a gay daughter, whatever happened to that Boy George?'" said the official. "It'll be fine."

John Marshall's fake Rolling Stone website, Tyrannosaurus Rocks, features the latest album in the heavy surveillance genre, This is Wire Tap.

Comments

[Tom Joad]

Something good to say about the former VP? Thinking..­.thinking.­..thinking­...

...ok, I have it. He actually left Washington, DC without of struggle on Inauguration Day, 2009.

[sense oar sheep]

i promise there is no address named "Richard B Cheney Freedom" International Airport" let alone Cheneyville WYOMING.

it is a joke.

get it

[John Marshall - Huffpost Blogger]

Actually, there IS a Richard B Cheney Freedom International Airport in Cheneyville -- but both were ordered concealed by you-know-who

[sense oar sheep]

Richard B. Cheney International Freedom Airport

Cheney City, WY 82609

what the heck, he deserves it.

[UncleJimbo]

Needle...... Galactic sized Haystack!

[ThankGodhesgone]

We'll be looking for a very long , long time. Love the pic of him with this post. His expession says it all. Evil.

[rancone]

Cheney was giving orders to the CIA. I would like to see the written documentation that permitted the VP to usurp Presidential authority and be placed directly in the chain of command.
What was the scope of authority?
How was this chain of authority transmitted from one CIA Director to the next when the position changed leadership?
How was this alternative chain of command communicated to Congress?
Forget Cheney for the moment, do a records review of the Directors of the CIA authorities from 2001 through 2009.

[jimmygee]

And to think there may be another Cheney waiting in the wings to run for office. Very scarry!

[tanya1111]

He makes rummy feel good all over.

[Lilith33]

Hes nice to lesbians......

[tanya1111]

ones that he spawned that is... I am sure if he didn't have one they would already have been burned at the stake.

[dphilip]

DIck Cheney loves America. He believes in it's superiority and is willing to fight for it........­.........o­h wait, that's not good is it?

[John Marshall - Huffpost Blogger]

I agree that Dick Cheney loves America; he loves it so much he's willing to completely ignore its laws in order to protect it. However, what he believes in and is willing to fight for is not the superiority of America, but of Dick Cheney. Unless he believes Dick Cheney IS America. Then he's on solid ground.

[GayGrandpa]

I will say something good about Mr. Cheney and that is he was much more progressive than his peers on the gay issue! You got to give him that.

“As many of you know, one of my daughters is gay and it is something we have lived with for a long time in our family. I think people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish. Any kind of arrangement they wish. The question of whether or not there ought to be a federal statute to protect this, I don’t support. I do believe that the historically the way marriage has been regulated is at the state level. It has always been a state issue and I think that is the way it ought to be handled, on a state-by-state basis … But I don’t have any problem with that. People ought to get a shot at that”

– Dick Cheney, reiterating his opposition to the Defense of Marriage Act

[John Marshall - Huffpost Blogger]

Well, he's no Harvey Milk. Although I suppose gays can take some measure of comfort in knowing that if they were subject to warrantless wiretapping for eight years, it would not be because of their status as gays, but merely because of their status as Americans.

[Artos]

I'll bet if we looked long and hard into the detphs of our toilets we would find something good about Cheney somewhere deep, deep down inside of them, but who would want to.

[BKROOBNZAI]

you always crack me up...

[WellTickleMeWillie]

"Some say that an investigation would undercut national security and give comfort to our enemies, which, according to Cheney, would include the American people and the U.S. Congress."

This comment is only partially correct. On the contrary, prosecuting Dick would restore America's image in the world as a nation of laws not men - this to our friends and not so friends. Giving so called comfort to the enemy is a two edged sword b/c it is on he one hand a knee jerk response and may partly be true. But on the other hand, it demonstrates to the enemy an overwhelming principle that conflicts with the propaganda they are fed about the USA that the US is a nation of good people doing the right thing.

Let's do the right thing as a nation and Indict Dick Cheney for war crimes. If not, someone else may do it for us.

[flatus]

Umm....good thing about Cheney.....

He has a snarl that can make any Republican feel more secure.

[pyro]

His monkey heart can't last all that much longer.