Dear Sarah, Please, Please, Please Sue Me

I know how victimized you feel about the lies being spread online and in the media. I know you believe it's your right to threaten and silence those who would question or disagree with you. So let me offer my help in giving you the grounds to sue me for defamation, win and drive a stake into the heart of the First Amendment.

Because everything I'm now going to write about you in this public forum is a total lie:

Ready?

God, I admire you.

You are a skilled public speaker, a thoughtful public strategist and a natural leader.

You should wear longer skirts because your legs are an embarrassment.

The thought of you holding political office fills me with pride and joy.

Your reason for resigning will soon be revealed as measured, selfless and strategically brilliant. In future histories written about you it will be referred to as "the genius move."

You have been the recipient of more unfair attacks than any figure in world history.

And in the future, the words "quitter," "diva," "crybaby," "psycho," and "Little Miss Pouty Pants" will never be used against you.

I hate your hair, especially when it's kind of down and loose and... y'know.

You are a lock for president in 2012. Obama should just give up now. Because that guy's the kind of leader who, when he's questioned or attacked, just fires back low level insults then stomps off to sulk. You will wipe that guy off the map. Poor Obama.

You are the Democratic Party's worst nightmare.

You are respected.

Feared.

And will never be a political punchline.

I love you and truly hope that after you sue me, beat me and silence all dissent, you ascend to the heights of absolute monarchy and bring about the nation of intolerance, ignorance, fear and greed you see in the rabid faces of your followers.

You don't remind me at all of the President in THE DEAD ZONE. Not even a little.

That's it.

Consider yourself defamed, Madam, and let our journey together now begin.

I await your attorney's first threatening phone call by holding my breath starting... hang on... now.

Yours Truly,

John McNamara

Comments

[kayatarms]

You are addressing a ilk of folks who thinks "snark" lives in an aquarium and Steve Colbert is a Republican!

[citizen of the universe]

Classic!

[weatherwaxx]

I thought Dubya was the presidential candidate from The Dead Zone. The resemblance was eerie.

[GoodGuysandBadGuys]

HA! that was good.

[ThanksMatt]

Thanks for the laugh, great post!

[Jordald]

For someone who loves Alaska, she's left them in a helluva position! I guess she didn't think she could, or would, contribute enough that sh should stick around!

[NotStarvingArtist]

If Sarah reads this she will have no idea that it is satire. She will take it as the literal truth. She's too ignorant to know any better.

[propitiousmoment]

...rinnngggg!!! rinnnnggg!!!!
Hi, Mr. McNamara, Oh, no, it's only me, a concerned HuffPost reader, just didn't want you to turn blue or anything. You should really stop holding your breath now :)

Great satire, thank you!!

[Lolly55]

Isn't Sarah Palin irrevelant at this point....if we ignore her, won't she go away?

[ImJustSaying007]

Nope! Try ignoring a rash and see what happens

[kmswriter]

Too funny - this is better than Reality TV...you can't write script as good as this -

[CAgal]

Thank you for enhancing the credibility of women in politics.

[zanzig]

I am old enough and activist enough to have been utterly involved in the first wave of modern feminism, and have been a banner flying member ever since. Let me state categorically that Ms Palin is an utter disgrace to the credibility of women in politics, and anything that ridicules and mocks her is essential to remove people like her from public life. She is an embarrassment to feminists.

[mudkitten]

Well said.

[DeeW]

yep - I said that right from the start. And the repugs wondering where the feminists were when she was running for vice prez ... well the feminists were rolling their eyes and wondering how it all went so wrong. They weren't running to her defense that's for sure, nor should they have.

[Clovie]

Could not agree more!

[propitiousmoment]

hear hear!

[redsongia]

Don't take it to personally, she's an embarrasment to the whole human race.

[Sleepyjohns]

What a dumb thing to say. Palin is nothing if not a blight on the "credibility of women in politics". Just cause she owns a whoo-haw don't make her a credit to women in politics. Duh.

[sabrinatee]

"you ascend to the heights of absolute monarchy and bring about the nation of intolerance, ignorance, fear and greed you see in the rabid faces of your followers.

You don't remind me at all of the President in THE DEAD ZONE. Not even a little."

OMG, John, I love you SO MUCH right now.

And when she sues you, I will establish my own personal John McNamara Legal Defense Fund and Temple of Worship, because you're a GOD - A GOD I TELL YOU.

[foxbat]

Great post!

[DianeInAustin]

Very funny stuff!

[FourSordidRms]

That was mint, John. Thanks!