Dear Members of Congress and the Senate Who Don't Want To Pass the Health Care Bill Before Vacation,
What's the big rush?
Seriously. You've earned it, God knows. And I know how hot it gets in Washington. The heat beating down just outside your icily air-conditioned offices, chambers, sedans, restaurants and homes is unbearable. You're sometimes exposed to it for seconds, even minutes, a day. Thank God our founding fathers had the foresight to give you August off and the 43rd President set such a fine, guilt-free, buh-bye example.
So tidy up that desk, pack that bag, kiss that page and hit the road.
On one condition:
You take an additional one year vacation -- from health insurance.
Have a great time. Just be careful. Make sure you take it easy on that bike trail, duck those hurtling golf balls, stay away from anyone with the sniffles and for God's sake, please chew every bite carefully so you don't choke on a burger, pass out, hit your head and get brain damage that requires six-figure surgery and years of physical therapy. And no, you can't use PAC money for whirlpool treatments and drool buckets.
Your spouse and kids won't be insured either, so maybe get the flu shots early and invest in extra knee pads.
It's great of you to agree to this. It'll save us a fortune and help ease that projected health care deficit we all know you're so worried about.
And it's a chance for you to really sit and study this thing. Take your time. You want to get it right.
Noooooooooooooooooooooo rush. Argue, debate, stall and dilute the bill's actual impact to your heart's content.
Just hope your heart doesn't have other plans for you this year.
Think of this not just as a vacation from the pressure of leading a nation -- but a vacation from peace of mind; a vacation from the sense that we live in sane, civilized, humane country.
You want to talk about The Real America? Here it is, welcome to the cheap seats, babies. We saved you a couple down here with the 47 million fellow Americans who pay your salaries (but not your premiums -- anymore!) and live with the daily dread that at any moment accident or illness could at best wipe them out financially and at worst kill them, all for the lack of a laminated card in their wallets.
Hey, that was a bummer. Sorry. But you know what rhymes with bummer?
And it's full-on here, y'all, so grab a brewski, a badminton racquet, a first aid kit and jump there hell in.