The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage Vol.2 -- the People's Edition

This is the Vol. 2 of The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage. I'm calling this one the People's Edition because you, the people, have obviously been taking AP courses in talking Conservative. I've been slammed with responses. Enough that I can promise you there will be future volumes. Along with some of mine, I've mixed in a few of yours for everybody's linguistic pleasure.

Before we start, I'd like to note that I intimated in Vol. 1 that English is a Latin based language. Hondorf was among a few others who pointed out that English is "primarily German based, yes, but it is really a hybrid of Germanic and Romantic languages . . . by the way, I am a redneck."

Clearly, none of us should judge a neck by its color.

A reminder, we're collecting Palinisms here, and over at That Minority Thing.com. If you've got 'em, send 'em.

Ready? Let's begin!

If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you're a "phoney." Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you're "well loved."

SoyAA says: If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to "get to know you." If you're white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you're "one of us."

If you give your wife a dap on stage, it's actually a "terrorist fist jab." If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child's hair on national TV it's an "adorable moment." (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).

DTD SAYS: If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you're an "extremist." If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you're a "fundamentalist."

If you're a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're "uppity." If you're a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more schools over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).

SeanOcali says: If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant "life happens." If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a "registered sex offender."

If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of "Change," it's just "empty rhetoric." If one week before your party's national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about "Change," that's "red meat."

And your last lesson for the day:

If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you're female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you're a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist -- "Yes, we can!"

If you're a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska, "Yup, yup!"

ThatMinorityThing.com

Comments

[yorkie]

NOTICE HOW NONE OF THOSE hidden gope'rs and mac backers are staying away from this truthful piece in the comments section!!!!!! SPOT ON.... MAY OBAMA AND TEAM TACTFULLY AND FORCEFULLY RETORT THE AWFUL RT MACHINES OF DISASTER!!! GET OUT THE VOTE!!!! GO O!

[jakie]

GREAT PIECE YOU HAVE SAID THE TRUTH THANK YOU FOR THIS

[JTyroler]

Don't you realize that the many Americans are willing to have a double standard for the politicians they agree with as opposed to the politicians they don't?

[Adrienne Williams - Huffpost Blogger]

Very funny -- I loved the line:

"SeanOcali says: If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant "life happens." If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a "registered sex offender."

Which I believe there is a young black man in jail now for the same issue, and the couple were in love! Ah, America -- got to love it.

[tablesedge]

The best take away from this whole saga, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

From the looks of the diversity in the RNC hall, she IS one of them, as is Alaska's population, and of course Hawaii is well, yes. You get it.

Please send directly to David Axelrod before MTP tomorrow!

[BackInNewYork]

Thank you. Go John!

[Passenger57]

McCain's shuffling around in $500 shoes...one of Cindy's outfits during the convention (jewelry included) cost $300,000.
He's walking around in a monthly rent payment - and she's wearing a HOUSE, fer chrissake!
But hey,they're just regular folks,right? And Obama's the elitist?

[lovethesinner]

IF YOU go to school in Indonesia, you're a MUSLIM. If you were born and go to school in Sandpoint, and Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, you're a representative of MAIN STREAM AMERICAN VALUES.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin#Early_life_and_education

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayden_Lake

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9A07EFD81730F93AA3575AC0A9629C8B63

There is one overriding principle in Republican demagogy: if you're white, it's all right. Sarah Palin is surely a person who stands on that principle.

[MyAudacity]

If you are a middle aged woman in a pantsuit who exaggerates a tale you are a liar. But, if you are a youngish woman, former model who can spout lies on demand, you are the greatest thing ever known....principles be damned.

When you have a good idea and plan for the government, it's false and naive, subject to weakening our security. However, when the current administration began to implement those ideas, and they work.....then we've done a good job.

When we say change it's incomprehe­nsible....­what are you talking about, what, when, and how? But when they say change.......it becomes a Battle Cry, although a leopard has yet to change his own spots.

When the Democratic Nominee selects a seasoned and experienced Vice Presidential Nominee to help him govern it's because he is weak, and needs help. However, when the Republican selects an unknown, unseasoned, and inexperienced Vice Presidential Nominee, it doesn't reflect on him, it reflects on the Democratic Nominee......WTF?

Last, Women were not voting for HRC because of gender only, but because she was "more qualified than Obama", but now Palin, a model, a newscaster, mayor, and governor is more qualifed than all of the men running...­..because.­....she gave a great speech that she didn't write, spoke ideas that were not her own, and the only thing she brought to the table was self righteousness and arrogrance, yet I've not heard anyone call her "uppity"

[Logic325]

I am actually laughing out loud! This is a brilliant piece. Thank you John Ridley! :)

The one about the teen pregnancy is most depressing because of how true it is. Remember Genarlow Wilson in Georgia? He was sentenced for 10 years (but thankfully got out after two... but still - TWO YEARS IN PRISON!) for having consensual oral sex with a 15 year old girl (he was 17). His punishment was the crime.

But for Palin's kids, it's all nice family 'stuff.'

Now I am angry again.

[ReallyNowPgh]

These Palinguage articles are excellent. They hit EXACTLY the issue the Republicans have right - NO CREDIBILITY DUE TO THE HYPOCRISY OF THEIR IDEALS. I was a Republican for 20 years until my wife and registered as Democrat this year. I would probably still be considered a "conservative democrat". Over time and especially the last 8 years it became so evident how Republicans cannot "walk the talk".

Be sure to watch the Jon Stewart videos on Rove, Morris, Hanity and the other pundits and the hypocrisy Jon catches them in on comments over the last year. It is their own undoing.

[HybridTea]

If your daughter goes drinking with friends as a graduate student at Oxford, England (Chelsea) thats "a bad apple never falls far from the tree".

If your daughters show fake ID to go drinking while in college (Bush Twins), that's having fun.
If your daughter gets pregnant in high school, that's family values earlier than expected.

[TruthStar9]

Please share:

Dear Friend,

In her acceptance speech last night at the Republican National Convention, Vice Presidential nominee and Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said, "I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a `community organizer,' except that you have actual responsibilities."

Nominally, her words were an assault on Barack Obama's early career as a community organizer on Chicago's south side. But the impact reaches farther than that and is a direct affront to the thousands who have dedicated their lives to making America great.

I just signed a petition to tell Governor Palin to apologize for her disparaging remarks about community organizers -- I hope you will too.

Please have a look and take action.

http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/community_organizers/?r_by=807-93084-U.fIhmx&rc=paste

Thanks!

[gunsmoke]

What on earth is soooooooo compelling about Palin's life story? She grew up in an upper middle class household with parents who obviously groomed her to believe she walked on water. Her choices to have babies, and her daughter's "choice" to have a baby is simply not that compelling. (Has anyone picked up on that in her statement; i.e., "...we're so glad Bristol has chosen to have her baby..." coming from someone who doesn't believe in a choice on that level?) She has a job with an entire armada of people to do the real work and a husband who apparently is willing to cover the home front. Real career women multi task until the wee hours of the morning and often seven days a week to perform their jobs to the best of their ability and cover the chores at home. Many of us don't have any help from staff and subordinates or helpmates at home. She DOES NOT represent the accomplished, driven career woman with a Beaver Cleaver family at home. Furthermore, I resent the fact that she uses a pitbull in an analogy given all the PR about Michael Vick where pitbulls were the victims and a recent horrific case here in Alaska where a pitbull killed a toddler - entirely inappropriate.

[BRT]

There are soooo many contradictions that I have seen in this Republican campaign. The manipulation of everything that Obama says which is lifted and then owned by the Republicans. I just hope that more people are as aware of this as you have so aptly stated. There is blatant manipulation of minds and a hypocrisy in what Palin is now saying for McCain who suddenly is unable to speak for himself; and whose wife dances from side to side on the stage to make way. In addition, the traditional media has played to the Republicans and it is subtle.

You have not stated this but in defining what sexism is -- a subtle insult to women.
The failure to recognize subtle insults to ethnicity have been apparent and one does not have to be Obama to feel the insensitivity.

Hopefully, America will overcome various forms of cultural divide but it is quite apparent.