The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage Vol.2 -- the People's Edition

This is the Vol. 2 of The Guide to the Conservative Palinguage. I'm calling this one the People's Edition because you, the people, have obviously been taking AP courses in talking Conservative. I've been slammed with responses. Enough that I can promise you there will be future volumes. Along with some of mine, I've mixed in a few of yours for everybody's linguistic pleasure.

Before we start, I'd like to note that I intimated in Vol. 1 that English is a Latin based language. Hondorf was among a few others who pointed out that English is "primarily German based, yes, but it is really a hybrid of Germanic and Romantic languages . . . by the way, I am a redneck."

Clearly, none of us should judge a neck by its color.

A reminder, we're collecting Palinisms here, and over at That Minority Thing.com. If you've got 'em, send 'em.

Ready? Let's begin!

If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you're a "phoney." Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you're "well loved."

SoyAA says: If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to "get to know you." If you're white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you're "one of us."

If you give your wife a dap on stage, it's actually a "terrorist fist jab." If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child's hair on national TV it's an "adorable moment." (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).

DTD SAYS: If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you're an "extremist." If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you're a "fundamentalist."

If you're a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you're "uppity." If you're a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more schools over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).

SeanOcali says: If you're 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant "life happens." If you're 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you're a "registered sex offender."

If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of "Change," it's just "empty rhetoric." If one week before your party's national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about "Change," that's "red meat."

And your last lesson for the day:

If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you're female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you're a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist -- "Yes, we can!"

If you're a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska, "Yup, yup!"

ThatMinorityThing.com

Comments

[SistaV]

So True!

[dswansoniceman]

Excellent. I need to think of my own. These 20 second soundbites are about all most americans can handle now.

[yoyoken1]

I love you John, you never cease to amaze me, keep up the good work!!

[MagnaCarta]

Yes, John. You're right on.

[NajkaLion]

Great post. These are great examples of they way political "repurpose" language. I can never figure out why the "liberal" media don't address this deliberate distortion of language -- or why voters don't catch on. Keep the language coming!

[MyLeftIsRight]

I loved Vol. I and will enjoy Vol. II. Can we look forward to future volumes? This is so creative and clever, but let's hope we won't have to learn a whole new language to "get along" with Sarah. I much prefer to speak "Obamese".

[ToonMoene]

That's nothing ....

If you are a potential next president of the US of A and fly into Berlin, Germany, and talk to the chancellor, and not getting more German soldiers for Afghanistan (because, being head of a democracy, she has to heed to the will of the people) and, thereafter, in a speech to 200,000 Germans, mention that they should supply soldiers for the war in Afghanistan *without boo's, placards, banners and battle cries deriding you*, you are a .... wait for it ...

A latte drinking elitist.

You know, I think that John McCain's POW-ship has lost him the overview of how wars are fought.

[NajkaLion]

Great columns. These are excellent examples of the way politician­s"repurpos­e" language. I can never figure out why the "liberal" media doesn't point these out -- or why voters are so easily misled by them. Keep the language coming!

[Gadrielle]

Mr. Ridley, you and the rest of the bloggers are so exactly right -- it hurts. It really, really hurts. I will study these for quick delivery. Thank you!

[GLD]

Excellent John.
Keep the truth flowing.
Now we just have to get out the vote.
Yes we can & we WILL
GregD

[LogicNow]

This is priceless, and yes, please keep 'em coming!!
YES WE CAN!
No Way. No How. No McCain/Cheney in-a-dress!!

[Chacha]

Thought-provoking comments. This election is going to be an IQ test of the American public. I have an uneasy feeling that they are going to fail again like they did in 2004!

[Binx101]

This is the most impressive writing anywhere on the subject.

What a Bulls-eye !!!

Thanks and warmest regards -

Binx101
The Almost Daily Binx
http://binx101.wordpress.com

[ManyColored]

This has nothing to do with "getting to know you". Palin appeals to the lower instincts of the proudly ignorant, the bigots, the people who have inflexible viewpoints, right-wing religious zealots, and people who live by gut reactions which have evolved from their culture of stomp and kick. Somebody else who seems different with impeccable credentials to be president always is referred to using buzzwords like "unknown", "inexperienced", "sexist", "untrustworthy" when what they really mean is that they don't want a ------ in the White House.

[aurora59]

Ain't that the truth on all counts!

Isn't the group ManyColored describes what the Republicans consider to be "Civil Whites"?:)

[rubinoff]

Spot on, John Ridley....­but, sssshh (hush) this is America's dirty little secret, plus You may not be invited to Morning Joe, again.

[rubinoff]

Come to think about it, John....th­at beady-eyed, Joe Scarborough has slured you about being an elitist...­..guess he was jealous because you had decent hard working parents...­and, of course, he did it with that sly, cunning grin on his face...Go figure.

[HelenKrause]

She is on the ticket to court the "I may be trash but at least I'm white vote." She fits the bill.